One Man's Trash
by lawlietfan347
Summary: Light Yagami: Killed his mother and was left to fend for himself at age 12, thinks of himself as trash. L Lawliet: prize winning author, but revels in anonymity. When one fateful day brings the two together, you know what they say about one man's trash...
1. Chapter 1

O.O Ok I feel really bad right now. I meant to be finishing The Silly Choices We Make (which I will) but then I was suddenly hit by this idea! Really it hit me like a ton of bricks and I *had* to write it down, please don't kill me! DDX Anyway, this is another LxLight story, it's a lot…darker/more depressing than I usually write but that's why I kinda like it. This is the first chapter, it's kinda short but the stopping place was necessary for the time lapse. Hope you like it.

Warnings: Mentions of child prostitution, language, drug/alcohol use

*Disclaimer will be here and no where else since I hate having to type it in each chapter. I don't own Death Note in any way shape or form.*

Enjoy.

He didn't mean to kill her, but if he didn't she would have killed him.

"You fucking brat, I _hate_ you! You shouldn't have been born in the first place!" BOOM! The sound of a gunshot would be forever engraved in Light Yagami's 12 year old brain. The now still body of his mother fell forward onto her son's frame, toppling him to the ground. The scent the sight of blood was everywhere, seeping from a fatal wound right between his mother's open and unseeing eyes. Light pushed his mother's body off of himself, scrambling a good 3 feet away from the corpse, hand to his mouth as he gazed at his mother's body in pure horror. The cool silver gun was clutched in his other hand which was shaking as he threw the weapon across the room.

What…have I done?

Tears streaked down his face has he cried, more out of fear of being completely alone rather than the fact that his mother was dead. Suddenly, he turned away from the sight, his stomach heaving and he vomited violently onto the molding wood of his floor. Weak and trembling, Light stood up slowly, using the back of his hand to wipe his mother's blood from his face. He padded over to his mother's body, gazing down at her face, looking into those unseeing eyes, pain and a sliver of fear forever etched into her deceased stare. She did look rather pitiful.

Even though he was scared for his life about the events that would most likely take place in the near future, Light couldn't help the small smile that cracked his blood crusted and tear streaked face. His lips twitched and twisted slowly into a sickly satisfied grin and a perverse giggle began to build in his chest. _That bitch…is finally dead.._The giggle soon turned into a chuckle and eventually Light was doubled over in a blood curdling cackle, his eyes wide open as he laughed at his mother's body.

"Fuck you bitch! I knew you'd get what was coming to you!" Light hooted maniacally, his brain clouded with madness. In a quick haste, Light streaked over to the abandoned gun he had thrown, taking it into his hands and grinning at it. "Thank you so much." He smirked, kissing the barrel of the weapon. With the gun in hand, he marched back over to the body, pointing the gun at the already dead carcass. By now he had broken down again, tears pouring freely down his face as his psyche began to crack into pieces, his emotions bouncing off the walls. "This is for every time you hit, punched, kicked, or raped me." He fired 3 shots into the body, the limbs flopping around grotesquely from the force of the bullets. "This is for that time you trapped me in your closet for a week with no food or water while you went off and got drunk and high." Light pulled the trigger and fired 7 more times, filling the head with bullet holes. More blood began to pool around the body and splattered his own clothes and skin but Light didn't care.

He began listing things that his mother had done to him, relentlessly shooting the dead body until there were no more rounds in the pistol. Having exerted so much energy in yelling and screaming, he stood there in the middle of the room, his chest heaving. He came down from his enraged high, looking back down at his mother's battered and ripped to pieces body. For the third time that day, tears flowed down his cheeks, much harder than before. His body suddenly felt weak and his legs couldn't support him anymore as he dropped to his knees in front of his mother, crying so hard that it hurt to take a breath. He buried his face into his mother's bloody, mangled chest, ignoring the flowing blood, crying into her shirt.

What…have I done?

Light Yagami, now 23 years old was working at his first job in a small slightly rundown diner in the south end of Manhattan, New York City. Since that fateful day 11 years previous, his life had never been the same. He was scarred, wounded, hurt, betrayed, but somehow he managed to wear a smile everyday. After his mother died, he was on his own. He didn't have a father and he didn't have any siblings or relatives that weren't his Uncle Aizawa but he was currently in the California penitentiary for the kidnapping, rape and brutal slaying of not one, but four 5 year old girls.

He grew progressively more twisted as he aged, his psyche permanently damaged beyond repair. He lived in his mother's house for as long as he could, using her various credit cards to keep the lights and water on and buying miniscule amounts of food for himself whenever he could. Eventually the little money he had ran dry. He had to keep tricking the landlord by saying he'd pay rent, he had to lie to child services and say that everything was okay. When he eventually was forced to evict, he packed a small backpack with whatever was an absolute necessity: a small emergency wad of cash his mother had kept under her mattress, a picture of his childhood friend who passed away Mihael, a few changes of underwear, a hairbrush, and a silver pendant that was given to him by his father when he was born that he wore on his neck everyday.

In the dead of night, Light slipped out of the ratty apartment complex and into the vast and unforgiving streets of New York City. He was alone and scared but if he didn't leave, he'd be taken to an orphanage. He was damn near 13 years old and could take care of himself. Or so he thought. After a week of scrounging around back alleys for scraps of food and using up all of his emergency money, he learned that he would need to find a way to support himself and also to find a place to live. Unfortunately at the time, it wasn't actually legal for him to get a job, so there were really only a few options. He tried stealing, begging for jobs, and just plain begging for food and shelter. None of this worked and being starving and incredibly desperate he resorted to the last thing he ever expected to be doing.

Every night or every other night, Light would travel to the sleazier part of town. He would be dressed in his normal clothes even though they were a bit dirty and tattered, and stand on the street corners, absentmindedly watching cars as they passed, trying to make himself appear as if he was just minding his own business. Then, one rundown car would slowly pull up to the curb where he was standing and the window would roll down, and usually an equally rundown man would lean out of the window.

"Hey kid, how would you like to take a ride with me?" He'd say, and on the outside Light would pretend to look helpless and scared, but on the inside he was counting up how much money he would receive. They'd chat for a few moments while Light discussed how much he cost while the man would usually sit there incredulous for a moment before grinning perversely. Light practiced the act well, the poor little boy reluctantly getting in the car and the man driving him to some sleazy hotel to have his way with him before forking over the cash and kicking him out on the street again. Light felt dirty. So so so dirty for having to live this way but whatever brought cash in he dealt with. He spent his life this way for a few months, eventually gaining enough money to rent a small pre-furnished apartment where he'd retreat to after a customer would leave him feeling dirty, violated, and disgusted with himself. The water was running and he'd bathe himself every night, trying to scrub the feel of the men (and sometimes women) touching him off until his skin was so red it started to bleed, but it never worked. He still felt dirty. And he was starting to feel sick. As in very sick. All the late nights, all the men, barely any sleep and barely any food were starting to get to him, but he couldn't go to any doctor or to any hospital because he barely made enough money to pay his measly two-hundred dollars a month rent and buy food for himself. He then began to use drugs and alcohol to cope.

He'd use any drug he could get his hands on: marijuana, cocaine, LSD, even meth at one point. He'd drink during his nights when he was working the corners, in hopes that it would stop him from feeling anything. He'd use the drugs when he got home when the drunken stupor wore off. He was rarely sober, and when he was, he felt like trash, he felt like he wanted to die.

Part of the agreement he had made with the apartment's tenant was that he would pay rent on time, and the tenant wouldn't call child services. But when the man finally figured out why Light hadn't been home all hours of the night, and why he was starting to feel so sick, the tenant had to break the agreement or else he knew Light would eventually die.

One day, while Light was taking a break from his "job", he was curled up in his ratty bed, trying to sleep despite the raging fever he had been dealing with for the past two weeks. He heard a strident knock on the door, the sound of knuckles pounding on wood made his empty stomach dry heave. He reluctantly crawled out of bed, the room spinning as he crept out of his room and towards the door.

"Who is it?" Light called weakly, his voice hoarse.

"It's Mr. Mukato." His tenant replied. In his feverish fog, Light's brow crumpled in thought. _I thought I had paid this month's rent already…_ His thoughts were broken when the man spoke again. "Could you open the door Light, I would like to have a word with you." Light groaned inwardly, subconsciously wishing he had something that could kill the man so that he could be left alone to slowly die in peace.

"Can't this wait until later, Mr. Mukato?" Light croaked, his irritation swelling. The man outside the door sighed and Light could tell he was shaking his head.

"No, Light. I have to speak to you now." His voice was firm and left no room for discussion. Light gritted his teeth, trying to straighten his hair and wipe the sweat off his forehead before, hesitantly, opening the door. Who he opened the door to was _not _Mr. Mukato. It was a woman in a navy blue suit. She was average height, with long black hair. _Not bad to look at, _Light thought, looking her up and down discreetly.

"Who are you?" Light rolled his eyes, leaning against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest. "Look ma'am, I've specifically told my customers that my times are from 11 pm to 3 am and—"

"Are you Light Yagami?" The woman asked, cutting his off. Light looked up at her in irritation, scowling.

"What if I say I am?" He replied, his tone clipped. The woman dug through the purse slung over her shoulder, obviously looking for something. She pulled out a card and handed it to Light. Light snatched it from her and scanned over it.

_Naomi Misora, Child Services._

Light froze, his breath stopping in his throat. Shit.

"What are you doing here? How the hell did you find me?" Light hissed, ripping the card in half. His irritation soon bubbled into anger when Mr. Mukato stepped out from behind the woman.

"I'm sorry Light," the man apologized, "but if I didn't do something, you might have died. I had to call Ms. Misora, she'll make sure you get the loving home that you ne—"

"HA!" Light spat, throwing the ripped card into his face. "Loving home? When you say that it just makes me wanna laugh!" His voice was growing louder in hysteria. "I don't know what love is and I've been perfectly fine on my own without you interfering you bastard! Part of our agreement was that you wouldn't call _them,_" he jabbed a finger in Naomi's face while still yelling at Mukato, "if I paid rent every month like I have been. It's not you're responsibility to be worried for me, you aren't my father! I've never had a damn father! I'm not in need of anyone to tell me what to do or how to live my life. If you think for one second that I'm going to—!" Light's rant was cut short by the sharp stab in his chest. He dropped to his knees, clutching his torso as he tried to breathe though his constricted windpipe. The world began to crumble around him, the shocked faced of Mr. Mukato and Naomi Misora blurring around him before finally dropping out of his vision all together. _Am I…dying?_ Light wheezed a few times before coughing, blood splattering the ground in an asymmetrical pattern. The last thing he heard was his own words to the pair of adults standing helplessly before him.

"Fuck…you."

Then everything went black.


	2. You Can Run, But You Can't Hide

…**.*Peeks from behind a chair* Hey everyone, I'm aware that it's been almost 4 months, maybe 5? Not sure but I know it's been a very long time since I've posted anything. Anyway I'm back and alive, with the next chapter of OMT (One Man's Trash, that'll be my acronym for it now), hope you like it. I've been very busy with…high school. My chemistry class is kicking my ass right now so I've been studying very hard and totally ignoring FFN. But no more! I can balance I think. Ok well I'll catch up with everyone later, enjoy this next chapter!**

* * *

><p>"<em>I realize that, but he needs to be put in a...stable environment."<em>

Light blinked open his eyes slowly and groaned softly, throwing his left arm to cover his face. The lights were far too bright and the smell of bleach was suffocating. The machine hooked to his right arm beeped obnoxiously when his heart rate quickened suddenly, it didn't take Light long to figure out where he was. _I hate hospitals..._ His body felt sore everywhere and he could hardly feel his legs, the injection site where the machine was hooked to his arm itched terribly and Light scratched at it absentmindedly, opening his eyes again to look around. He was sitting in a bed, the sheets a generic brand, scratching the back of his arm painfully.

He couldn't see anything around the bed because of a thin canopy surrounded him, just barely allowing him to see through the translucent film. He could make out two figures sitting at a table, not too far from his bed. They were talking in hushed tones and Light's head was pounding too hard for him to attempt to eavesdrop.

"Hello?" Light called out weakly. His voice sounded so childish and diminutive. It was sickening. In no time at all, the thin curtain was whipped back and Light was met by Naomi Misora's relief-stricken face.

"Oh thank God you're awake, Light." Her body almost sagged with relief and she stepped forward to rest on the foot of the bed. Light instinctively sat up, hoisting himself up by his sore elbows to get as far away from the woman as possible. He just stared at her, his eyes guarded. She searched his face and then sighed when he didn't say anything. "You had a heart attack, Light. You're really lucky to be alive right now, you have no idea. All the drugs circulating through your veins seized your heart completely and that's why you collapsed that day." _That day...?_

"How long have I been out?" Light asked, his eyes narrowing in thought. Naomi blinked.

"Almost a week." She finally replied. _That would account for her panic a few minutes ago._Light concluded silently. He looked down at the tube connected to his arm, watching the vital fluids disperse into his bloodstream. After about a minute, he looked back up at the woman, and for the first time in his life since his mother died, fear was plastered on his face.

"What's going to happen to me?" He whispered, not really looking at Naomi but looking through her. His eyes were hollow and she suppressed a shiver. She remembered how tough he tried to be that one morning but now he just looked like an emaciated frightened little boy. Naomi inched closer on the bed and reached out the rest her hand on Light's. He yanked his arm back to rest it in is lap and she sighed, shaking her head.

"Why do you have to act so guarded all the time? Why do you insist on doing this alone, Light? Just open yourself up, let it go of all your...hatred and—"

"I can't." Light barked, clenching his fists so hard that his knuckles turned white. "I can't let it go. If I do..." He paused, drawing in a shaky breath. He lifted his head, his eyes guarded again, all traces of childishness gone. "If I do I won't be able to survive. The only way I know how to live is in hatred. It was how I was raised." He chuckled spitefully, remembering his mother's words. 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. "I don't need you, I don't need anyone. I've been just damn fine on my own. Why do you seem so intent on helping me anyway?" His voice was scathing and his eyes were narrowed in a mix between suspicion and confusion. Naomi looked down suddenly and clenched her jaw before looking back at Light.

"Because I was just like you." She murmured. "I know what it's like to have to sell your body for money and to live on your own from such a young age. All those days going without food, the men, the drugs, and feeling so sick that I just wanted to die. I was so young and I came full circle just like you are, resting in this hospital room, recovering from a stab wound I received on the job when I refused a man." She lifted the hem of her blouse to reveal an angry puckering scar that marred the creamy skin on her stomach. Light just stared. "I became a child social worker so that I would never have to see a child in my situation ever. Again. I don't want you to die, Light."

An awkward silence fell over the two, mostly because Light was staring at Naomi like she had just given birth to a litter of flying pigs. Something that she said just reached out and slapped him in the face, mainly the thought that she actually cared for him. Care and kindness weren't emotions he was used to being exposed to so it left him a little shell-shocked. But only for a moment. In the next moment fear flashed across his face, a micro expression that was almost undetectable. But Naomi caught it. She was trained to catch these things. Light asked the question again, this time in spite.

"So what's going to happen to me now?" Before Naomi could draw in a breath to speak, the thin curtain was pulled back again to reveal the other figure Light had seen when he woke up. It was a man. He was older, about in his late sixties to early seventies; his short, cleanly cut hair was peppered with plenty of white and gray. He wore a sleek black pinstripe suit that looked to be made of the finest quality silk, along with a very English looking bowler hat tucked neatly close to his chest respectfully. It looked like his eyes were closed but Light could tell he was staring right at him in a way that made Light squirm unnervingly.

"I believe I can answer that question, Light. It's nice to meet you, my name is Quillish Wammy."

* * *

><p>Ring!<p>

The soft chime of the bell attached to the diner's entrance caught Light Yagami's attention. It had been a comfortably slow day, with a miniscule amount of dishes so he didn't mind shedding his bussing gloves in exchange for an order pad and pen. It was one of those days when there was barely anyone working, most of these employees had taken the day off but Light needed the money. He always needed money so he stayed as long as possible.

That dedication had landed him as assistant manager, making him in charge by default when his boss had to run out on an errand or two like he had this very day. Light pushed through the swinging door into the restaurant, coffee already brewing in the kitchen. Around that time of day, 6:15 pm, most people who came by had had a long day at work or were preparing for a late shift. Either way, they were always asking for their caffeine fix. He slapped on his patented 'I'm here to help YOU' smile, and shifted his gaze to the next customer who had taken up residence in a booth closest to the door.

"_Hey, Light? Oops, I mean, Y?"_

_A tentative voice sounded from the door frame of Light's room. Light's scowl deepened, deciding whether or not to chew out anyone who was trying to disturb what little peace remained in his mind. When he turned, he froze. A young teenage boy, about Light's age, was leaning against the door frame, his hands jammed into his pockets. He had jet black hair that sat on top of his head like a rat's nest and jutted out in every direction like it was confused about what its purpose was; to lay flat and submit on top of a person's head, each little hair resting perfectly in place. Or at least that was how it worked in Light's brain. Then again, not much had actually been functioning correctly in Light's brain since that day…_

"_Y?" The boy spoke again, this time with less hesitation. Light cleared his head and blinked up at the boy, the scowl still etched deeply into his face._

"_Yes." He replied, letting the word lash out like a whip. The boy's already impossibly wide eyes widened even more and he stepped back through the threshold of Light's room. He rested a few spindly fingers against the doorframe and let his messy bangs conceal his eyes. _

"_Oh…" the boy began, "Well I'm L. I'm right down the hall and I thought I'd make myself known to the new student in the house." Light ground his teeth and turned with his back to the boy._

"_So? Why should I care?" His voice was scathing and he was just being a jackass because he could be. 'L' didn't seem too phased by this as he barreled on._

"_I could show you around the house if you'd like. It can get a little chaotic around here if you don't know the schedule and—"_

"_You know as great as that sounds L," Light spat the word out like his mother used to say his own name; in contempt, along with a pinch of unadulterated hatred, "I think I'd rather be alone. If that's alright with you that is, I think I'm proficient to figure things out on my own." The actual words didn't seem like they'd have much of an impact but the delivery was what drove it home to the poor boy standing in the path of Light's never ending angst and rage. _

_L shifted his weight from foot to foot, the situation turned from docile to painfully awkward, abhorrence crackling through the air with such intensity the air was almost a reddish hue. He sucked in a breath like he was about to speak but instead quickly wheeled around and scurried from Light's doorway, stuffing his hands in his pockets._

_ For a moment Light—Y—had felt a twinge of guilt about being so rude, but it hardly lasted for a moment before he was stuffing the miniscule amount of clothes he had into one of the many drawers in his new room, he hardly had the time to bother with making nice with some other orphan kid because he was trying to make nice with his own past…_

"What can I bring you today, sir?"

Light waited patiently with the pad and pen, looking down at the incredibly strange man who was staring intently at the simple menu that didn't require much real attention or brain power to figure out. After a few moments of intense studying, the man suddenly whipped his head towards Light, fixing his empty obsidian gaze on the 23 year old in a way that made Light almost noticeably flinch. There was something about that gaze that seemed achingly familiar but Light couldn't place it.

"I am ready to order now." The man said and Light's eyebrows shot up and he raised his pad and pen a fraction higher to signify that he was ready to write. Light definitely wasn't prepared for what the man wanted to order. "Hmm I'll have three slices of your strawberry pie, 2 sugar cookies, and 3 chocolate chip, actually I'll also have a slice of apple pie as well, make sure you don't miss the whipped cream as well, please. And a cup of coffee, black."

Light tried to hold down the bile in his throat that threatened to escape at the amount of sweets the man was ordering but of course Light slapped on his 'oh-so-helpful' face and cocked his head to the right slightly in the way that everyone found so damn endearing.

"Of course, I'll get that right for you. Be right back." With that Light turned on his heel and was about to retreat back to the kitchen to retrieve the superfluous amount of sweets. Right as he turned though, he felt something grab on to the back of his button down shirt, yanking the fabric and sending something Light had tried to keep tucked away clattering to the ground with a thud.

"Excuse me." The strange man's long fingers were still firmly bound to Light's shirt as Light stood there, frozen to the spot, trying not to draw too much attention to the object that had fallen from his apron.

_What the hell…?_

Light looked back at the man, trying to keep the murder from his eyes. His shirt was perfectly clean and pressed and this strange man was gripping it carelessly like a child's blanket. More importantly, one of his most prized possessions was lying on the filthy floor of the café; even though it was so clean one could eat from it.

He cleared his throat and the man quickly released him, putting the hand on his knees which were drawn closely to his chest. Light scrambled to pick up the item—a book— that had fallen from the confines of his apron, trying to conceal the cover as much as possible. The man however, had already seen it. Damn.

"So you read 'Autumn Silence' novels?" the man inquired, his voice just barely on the verge of curiosity. He seemed more bored than anything. Light let his gaze dull slightly. As if this man could ever understand the complex labyrinth that was the plot of the famous 'Autumn Silence' series. The man looked like he could hardly tie his shoes which—surprise, surprise— weren't even tied when Light looked down discreetly. However, supposedly being the type to not judge, he nodded.

"Yes; Do you know anything about it?" he asked. The man looked down at his feet then switched to staring out the wide window, seeming to be particularly interested in the weeds growing between the cracks in the pavement outside the diner.

"A little I suppose. I've heard of the series. By that author…L Lawliet right? He's pretty famous I hear." His voice was that same monotone and Light wanted to slap the man for saying something so blasphemous. L Lawliet was one of the greatest authors of the time; his works were too incredible for words. And Light knew many, many, many words.

"He's very famous." Light began on his tirade to inform his bohemian about the enigma that was L Lawliet. "His works are some of the best I've read in my life. His plots are incredible in a way that is not only thrilling to read but you feel like you're literally a part of his writing process. He sees the world with the mindset of an adult but the through the eyes of a child. There are no shades of gray; it's either black or white, right or wrong, good or evil. He really makes you think about how you perceive life and questions everything you've known and believed in. He pulls you in, whips up your mind and when you're finally released—"

Light halted suddenly, coming back down to earth. He had the book clutched to his chest and he was staring up at the ceiling, stuck in his adoration for the author. Some could say it bordered on healthy obsession but…

"You seem to know quite a bit about this L Lawliet." The man looked up at Light and Light could see the barest hint of a sarcastic smirk on his face. Light wasn't even sure if he had seen it, his mind had a cynical way of looking at the world and other people. Either way, Light blushed slightly.

"I'm simply just a fan. His work really is amazing, but I wouldn't expect you to know much about him, he's not really known amongst… most of the population." Light sounded like a dick but it was true. L Lawliet's books weren't for the uncouth. They were too philosophical for the hoi polloi of the world. The man's 'smirk' disappeared and was replaced by a flat monochrome expression.

Light took a deep breath, quelling his approbation for the author. He nodded to the man and told him he'd be back, after a flustered apology, with the sweets. Light scuttled back to the kitchen to gather the items and safely stashed his prized book away behind the counter.

Light dropped off the food and coffee to the table, cringing as he watched the panda faced man rip open packet after packet of splenda with his teeth and dispense the powder into his coffee cup. He did this 13 times. Light tried to keep the bile down in his throat as he set down the paper check on the table next to the sugar laden coffee cup.

"Have a nice day, sir." Light murmured, keeping the more than mild disgust out of his voice. The man barely murmured in reply as he slowly stirred the syrupy half-liquid and lifted the spoon from the cup. He let his tongue flick out and wrap grotesquely around the concave part of the spoon, sucking away at the residual saccharine sweetness that clung to the metal. He acted like a child, a barbaric one at that.

It was at that moment that Light realized that he hadn't left from his spot and that he was staring at this man, watching him lick a spoon. Light blinked and cocked his head as he swiveled around to leave inelegantly. That couldn't have been more awkward.

He shook his head once safely behind the steel service window, trying to put the entire encounter with the frowzy man out of his mind. He glanced around to make sure that no one was watching and tucked into another chapter of his carefully stashed 'Autumn Silence' novel. He had already read this particular installment a total of 12 times but Light got something new out of each of the books whenever he reread them…

A few minutes later, he heard the strident ring of the little service bell at the front desk where the cash register was located. Light, who was almost too deeply engrossed in his book, glanced up at the sound, his irascible nature cracking his usual calm demeanor. He carefully closed the book cover and tucked it under his arm as he made his way out into the restaurant. He wasn't surprised to see the onyx haired man staring at him with that empty gaze that made Light want to squirm.

The man slipped his debit card over the counter without a word and Light reached for it at the same time. Their hands brushed together and Light tried to ignore the sizzle of electricity that nipped his skin when he grabbed the card. He rang it up absentmindedly, not bothering to use the machine to do the menial math it took to count up his total.

"All right, your total today was twenty three dollars and thirty eight cents." Light murmured as the register printed out the man's receipt. The man didn't speak as he scribbled down his signature and nodded in a way that was almost nebbish and took back his card.

"Thank you." The man muttered, ducking his head and allowing his unkempt bangs to hang in his eyes. Light nodded back politely, sliding the signed receipt towards him to record along with the other customer ticket stubs. With that, the man turned and left, his hands stuffed in his pockets. Light watched him go, noticing the odd way his back was curved over and the way his shoulders hunched as if to shield the most vulnerable part of his body from the rest of the world. Light watched with almost interest as the man stepped out of the restaurant and glanced down at the signed ticket.

_L Lawliet… _

At first it took a moment for the information to process but once it did, Light's mind completely sputtered out, his eyes suddenly locked on the paper. _Was the man that just walked out of here, the man I thought malicious thoughts about, the man that I didn't think twice about, L Lawliet?__ The__ L Lawliet? No. Not possible. No way on this Earth was that...man L Lawliet. _Even so…

Light scrambled to grab his book and open it quickly to the very front cover. He had won a signed copy of L Lawliet's latest installment of 'Autumn Silence' as a result of a writing contest Light was positive he would win the moment he wrote the first word of the paper. Light let his fingers glide over the professional signature in the book before taking the receipt and setting it adjacent to the one in the book. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and looked. The signatures matched perfectly.

The likeness was so similar it was almost impossible. The way the cloister black 'L' curved towards the bottom arch, the flourish on the 't' in the end, everything was impeccable. Light couldn't breathe for a moment as he tried to process what had just happened. L Lawliet was just sitting in the diner, living, breathing, eating all those sweets…and Light was rude to him. In his head he called L common. Uncouth. Frowzy. Not only that but Light had pretty much poured his heart out about the man, to the man. Light hung his head in shame. _I am such a fool… _Then Light froze again.

_Dear God I just met L Lawliet!_

Light's brain went from silent to jump starting to a mile a minute. His head snapped up and he ran towards the door of the diner, whipping it open as soon as he reached the handle and looking out the door in a vain attempt to find the untraceable author. But it was far too late, he was long gone, never to be seen again and Light missed his chance. All of a sudden Light dropped to his knees, unexpected tears pricking the back of his eyes as he slammed the ground with the sides of his fists.

Since that day all those years ago, Light wasn't able to hold back many of his extremely strong feelings of anger or sadness. He had to yell, he had to cry, he had to hit things, scream, and punch, anything until the feelings subsided. _He was here, he was right here… and I let him slip through my fingers. I'll never get a chance like that again. Ever._

"Damn it!" Light yelled, frightening a few pedestrians walking across the street. Some would call him childish but he couldn't handle the irony that stabbed through his body and brain like knives. He let the angry tears tumble down his cheeks as he quickly got to his feet and wheeled around, marching back into the restaurant. _I need to leave,_ Light thought_, I have to find him again. There are so many things I want to ask him, talk to him about…_ Light strode purposefully to the storage room, gathered his phone and satchel, and bid a hasty farewell to the cook with little explanation. He ripped off his apron and grabbed the book from the front counter, rushing out the door, clutching it to his chest tightly. _I will find him again. I will, I have to…_

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><p>Light let the door slam with a kick of his foot as he stumbled with his eyes half open to his leather couch. He collapsed on the sofa face down, breathing in the familiar scent that wafted from the leather cleaner he used to keep finger prints from soiling the easily marred surface. Unfortunately allowing his face and his natural body oils on the fabric probably wasn't helping anything. Even so, the scent was warm, comforting, and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on but it was wonderful.<p>

He had spent the rest of the early evening searching for the unattainable author. The city was enormous and searching for one person was looking for a piece of hay in a needle stack. A stack that held over eight million needles that is. Light groaned sadly, chewing over the statistics in his head over and over again. He hoisted himself into a sitting position, rubbing his face roughly and closed his eyes.

He jumped when the sound of a door slamming startled him. From around a small corridor in the apartment, a man about Light's age with short choppy red hair appeared with a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was still dripping water droplets onto the ground and Light tried not to scowl.

"Couldn't you have dried your hair before walking out on the wood floors?" Light grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. He tried his hardest not to imagine the droplets seeping through diminutive cracks in the wood paneling, rotting it like a strawberry when it's left in the refrigerator for a month. The simile in his head made Light want to gag.

He let his body once again go limp and crumple back onto the sofa. "I have problems, Matt." Without the melodramatic brunette to pout at him, Matt rolled his eyes. He shifted the towel around his waist, tightening it quickly before leaning over the top of the couch. His hands drifted down to Light's unsuspecting back and began to sensually massage the knotted muscles through Light's button down shirt.

"Come on now, Light. Don't be mad at me, I was just poking fun at your eccentricities. Now tell me what's been bothering you." Matt practically purred out the words and Light almost couldn't suppress the moan that threatened to escape his throat. Matt's massages were always so wonderful. But not wonderful enough to distract from the pertinent problem.

"Stop it, Matt; I'm trying to be serious here."

"Like you're not always serious?"

Light could nearly taste the sarcastic contempt in the redhead's words. Matt's hands retreated from Light's back and the brunette's scowl returned. He sat up, whirling around to face his roommate.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Light narrowed his eyes and rubbed his own shoulder roughly. Matt had crossed his arms over his bare chest, shivering slightly now. That's what you get for not wearing clothing out in my foyer. There's a reason why I keep it at 65 degrees, Light thought bitterly. Matt paced around the couch.

"I mean that you're not fun anymore, Light. We never just hang out like we used to, it's work work work with you. I never see you until late at night and almost never on the weekends when you do happen to have off because you're so damn tired all the time!" By now Matt was in full rant mode and all Light could do was passively wait for the earful. His head was already pounding and spinning from the day's events, this meaningless tirade was the last thing Light needed.

"And another thing, you really need a reality check and—"

"Matt shut the fuck up!"

That stopped the ranting immediately. The redhead's face was already contorted in anger but the ugly tomato hue his cheeks had taken on disappeared. Usually Matt was about ready to whale on Light because Matt absolutely abhorred it when someone tried to tell him what to do. Especially by someone like Light. But he saw the sincere distress and urgency swimming in the brunette's eyes and froze.

"What's wrong, Light?" Matt's voice had dropped to a low whisper. He hadn't seen his friend and part-time lover in such exigency to share something before. After he had leave to finally speak, Light let all of his pent up anxiety flow out in the form of nearly intelligible words and broken phrases. He paced and described the entire 'L Lawliet' experience from start to finish, belaboring every detail.

"—and I think that it actually was him." After many minutes, Light at last finished the story, leaving a very dazed and incredulous Matt resting on the couch. Let the record show that Matt was still wearing nothing but a bath towel. For a moment, Matt couldn't say anything. He was fully aware of Light's infatuation with the author, and couldn't deny the admiration he felt for th unattainable man as well; his writing really was incredible. Even so, his dismal respect and esteem for L Lawliet couldn't hold a candle to Light's, not even close. L Lawliet was Light's idol and Matt knew it. Meeting L Lawliet or even the prospect of it was an astonishing event.

"Do you really think it was him?" Matt murmured in awe, more to himself than to Light. Light nodded and explained the shocking evidence.

"I'm almost 99 percent sure it was him. It would be extremely difficult for someone to fabricate this kind of meticulous substantiation."

"Ugh, stop it," Matt groaned. Light raised one eyebrow in confusion.

"Stop what?"

"Using those big ass words. They're frying what little brain I have left from today." Light chuckled at this. Matt was just as smart if not smarter than he was because of his proper and extensive schooling. That and he had an incredible mind. The boy could differential equations when he was 5 for Christ's sake. He just never really applied himself to anything that didn't involve hacking into computer networks and getting cigarettes. Light smiled, plopping back onto the couch beside his friend.

"I know it was him Matt, I can feel it in here." Light tapped his heart for effect. He had his hands supporting his head and he was staring up at nothing in particular. "I swear I'll find him again, if I have to search for a year I'll do it." His voice wasn't his own, it sounded hopeful and sincere, two traits that had long since left Light's collection of emotions. Matt glanced over at him, smiling slightly.

"If you want it that badly, go for it. You'll find him one day, don't let anything stop you from what you're really searching for." With that, Matt leaned over and gave a chaste kiss to Light on the cheek before standing up from the couch. They said their good-night's and retreated to their respective rooms. Even though it was only approaching 8pm, fatigue and inertness tugged at the recesses of his mind. He hurried through his daily shower, conditioning his hair to perfection, wiping the excess of the bottle and lining up his products on the counter once he was out by serial number. Matt was right when he'd called Light eccentric.

Light brushed his teeth and swished with his favorite anti cavity mouthwash before preparing for bed. Bed sheet rolled back onto itself exactly 7 inches to allow enough to be pulled up to his chin, blanket crisp and freshly clean. Light could still smell the fabric softener he used just the other day. He slid into bed, leaving his alarm clock unset, tomorrow was Saturday anyway. He fluffed up his pillow a few times and wiggled his toes which were warming up quickly. Light clicked off his beside lamp which galvanized the living mural on his opposite wall to life.

A wide floor to ceiling glass window his room was fitted with overlooked the glorious city skyline. Tall skyscrapers with windows lit with random yellow lights dotted the horizon. The highway was far away, the sound of cars whooshing along the asphalt didn't quite reach their room. The outside world seemed so distant and muted, yet just within arms reach.

Millions of souls wandering in the streets but only one called out to Light's. It resonated so loudly through his ears he could practically hear the name being whispered with the wind, permeating the very air itself. Light stared out of the window until his eyelids began to droop heavily, sleep nagging at his mind. He allowed himself to curl into a ball on his side, the way he always slept. As he slipped into unconsciousness, one name lingered like a thick fog, licking at his subconscious thoughts.

L Lawliet…

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><p><strong>Everyone a little happier now? I'll do my very best to have the next chapter up soon, for now I need to get back to my homework, reviews would boost my happiness level which means I'll study better which means I'll get a good grade on my test this Friday which then means I'll have more time to write for all of you! So review please! :):):):)<strong>


	3. Yet Another Panic Attack

**Next chapter up, I'm trying to work quicker because I have big big plans for this fanfiction, I actually know where I want this to go and how things are going to click and make sense later on which is a refreshing change for me. Anyway, hope you enjoy this next installment, it's kind of short and it may seem over the top towards the middle-end but I needed it to be that way for what's coming next. **

**Oh yeah, I totally killed my chemistry Test today! :DD (Just took it in my last block, I'm uploading this in my study hall) Thanks for reviewing people it really did help me for some reason, I got a 97 so hell to the yes. Alright enough of that, enjoy this next chapter, I'll get started on chapter 4! :)**

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><p>The next morning, Light woke with a start. Out of habit, he leaned over to check the clock on his nightstand: 8 am on the dot. His head was pounding and his forehead immediately broke into a sweat as the previous day's events flooded through the dam of his cerebrum. Light paused for a moment, scrambling for any bit of information he could remember. Let's see. He had met L Lawliet, treated him poorly, and then let him slip through his fingers. Yep sounded about right. And yet, Light was still absolutely determined to find the man again. He could still see those seemingly vacuous onyx eyes boring into his, that unkempt hair that was darker than a raven's wing sticking out in every direction, the smooth milky complexion of his face that just begged to be stroked…<p>

"Ugh!" Light grunted in frustration, letting gravity push him backwards onto his bed. Unfortunately he hadn't scooted far enough forward, allowing the inevitable meeting between the back of his head and the wooden headboard. What a fantastic way to start the morning: with a weal the size of a small golf ball. Light cried out, more out of aggravation than actual pain albeit it was still quite excruciating. After caring for the tender welt growing on his head, Light rolled out of bed without making it. He shielded his face with the hand not cupping his skull from the raw incandescent light that shone through the window-wall. His room was facing the westward rising sun and he had yet to install any curtains of any kind. Damn you, procrastination, damn you.

Light followed his quotidian bathroom schedule, rushing a little more than usual because he wanted to get the day started. And it was going to be a long one. He picked out comfortable street clothes from his closet, always tasteful yet casual; a personal style he had created for himself in the recent years. He slipped into the clothes and rushed into the kitchen, unsurprised to see Matt already at their antique wooden table for four, sipping his freshly made coffee. Light sniffed the air, yep, freshly made today; Matt had an irksome habit of leaving old coffee in the machine and drinking it the next newspaper was already layed out on the table as the redhead flipped through it with only partial interest. Matt turned and smiled when Light all but ran into the kitchen. Light rushed by, giving Matt a kiss on the head as he passed.

"Morning." Light said quickly, already filling a mug with coffee and creamer. Even though he rushed through most of the morning, Light slowed down for his coffee. He was extremely meticulous about his morning cup. Exactly two tablespoons of sugar and two of those little prepackaged plastic containers of non-dairy creamer. That was all, no more, no less. Matt watched on with an amused grin. Many of Light's neurotic tendencies were entertaining to the redhead.

"Good morning to you too," Matt let a chuckle rumble in his chest. Light turned and smiled at Matt, letting his mind rest for the first time since he had woken up. "Going to look for Lawliet again today?" Matt raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah," Light replied, taking a swig of coffee. Just barely enough sugary flavor to keep the bitterness of the coffee at bay, the way he liked it. "I might go towards the Library or one of the many bookstores here in Manhattan. It seems like a logical place to start, wouldn't you say?"

Matt hummed in response, nodding his head and taking a sip of his own coffee. He didn't mention to the brunette that the man might not even be in Manhattan let alone the state anymore; but he was not about to smash Light's aspirations to pieces. "Good luck," was all he said, smiling encouragingly. Light didn't seem to detect the tenuous sarcasm that bit at the edge of his words. Light shrugged and downed the rest of his coffee, chasing it down with a granola bar from their pantry. Before Matt could say another word, Light snatched his satchel off the counter along with his 'Autumn Silence' novel and flew out the door, giving Matt another kiss on the head in passing. Light shut the door, his face set in a deep frown of grim determination as he adjusted the strap of the satchel on his shoulder.

"Good luck indeed," he muttered to himself, stepping into the blazing New York sunlight.

Light spent a good part of the morning becoming one with his map or Manhattan. He wasn't a tourist but he still found it rather difficult to navigate through most of the city. He went to bookstore after bookstore, library after library, searching for that shock of pitch-black hair. He searched for hours and didn't find anything but unfulfilled hopes. There was one instance, however, when he thought he had found L Lawliet.

He had been searching for about 4 hours at this point and growing more and more…impatient was the word? Light cautiously walked up to the doppelganger, the man's back to the brunette at a pretzel stand. He was wearing a white t-shirt and jeans, not a long sleeved shirt like the day before but a jacket, his hands stuffed in his pockets. Light could feel his breath quicken and his head getting lighter as he approached the man from behind. The feeling of completion and satisfaction in himself swelled as he reached forward to tap the man on the shoulder tentatively.

"L Lawliet…?" Light held his breath then, as the man turned around. What Light was met with was almost soul crushing. This man was definitely not L Lawliet.

He looked far too healthy and hearty, his eyes a bright green. His skin wasn't the luminous pallid color it had been, it was far too tan. He had the early signs of a beard and mustache growing and a very irritated and puzzled expression on his face. Light almost choked on his saliva.

"Who the fuck is L Lawliet?" The man spat back, in a voice that was to gruff to be anything like L's. The name had drawn attention to a few passing people who turned to look as they walked on. "Don't touch me dumbass fuck, I don't know you! Just leave me the fuck alone?" Obviously this man overreacted to the nth degree but even so; Light felt the blood pound in his ears, something that always happened when he was in a situation that embarrassed him. He blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the unexpected and uncontrollable tears.

"I am...so sorry, sir, I didn't mean to…disturb you." Light choked out, his chest constricting. This was something that happened every single time he messed up, even only a little. He had a panic attack. Damn it! He had failed. _Again._ Without another word, he fled the scene, his cheeks ablaze, fighting back tears. There was nothing he could do right! No matter what he did, it always found a way to backfire or make trouble for other people. Light ran blindly through crowds, years of suppressed letdowns flowing from the dam, manifesting themselves into this one situation. Something like that wouldn't have upset a normal person, but Light was far from normal. His consciousness had been severed and repaired so many times his mind and emotions were a ticking time bomb that had just been detonated, expunging everything. Light's feet pounded on the pavement as he streaked down the sidewalk. Words from his mother resonated through his head, clouding every other thought.

"_You're a dumb little fuck aren't you?" His mother sneered, tipping the bottle of Captain Morgan into her mouth. "I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but you'll never amount to anything in your life. No one will want you, no one will love you, and no one will care. Even your dad didn't want anything to do with you! It's your damn fault he's not here with me right now. That man was the best thing that ever happened to me! And you ruined it." The woman's words were so slurred that Light could hardly decipher them. He lay on the floor, battered and broken both figuratively and literally, a boy of only 8 years of age. He had a gash above his left eyebrow that was seeping salty blood into his eye. His mother had beat him over the head with a now shattered glass of Jack Daniels and continued to beat him with a random book she found on the coffee table littered with cocaine powder. She blamed Light for everything that went wrong in her life and took every bit of her frustration on the feeble child._

_Bruises covered every inch of Light's body, marring the otherwise golden skin. He was so weak with hunger and so emaciated that he couldn't stand or even lift his head. His mother stood over him, sneering down at him. "Maybe if I were to get rid of you he would come back. Yeah that's it; I bet if I kill you, he'll finally come back to me. I never wanted you anyway." _

_Light couldn't believe what he was hearing. His eyes widened in unadulterated terror as the woman grasped the now empty bottle of Captain Morgan by the handle and swung down toward his head with all her strength. _

Light choked on his tears, his chest constricting tighter to the point where he couldn't breathe. The memories and everything he felt during that time rushed back in one enormous tidal wave, sweeping him off his feet. Light tripped, and scraped his hands, his palms stinging terribly. He made a sharp turn into a vacant alleyway, rage and sadness surging through his being.

"Aaahhhh!" Light screamed, wrenching his leg back and delivering a death blow to the unsuspecting dumpster in his path. His sunk to the ground of the soiled pavement, not caring that his pants would ruin. The tears flowed freely now, wracking his body with powerful sobs. This wasn't about finding L. This was his world crumbling around him. He couldn't breathe even though he took heaving breaths, his clothes felt too tight; everything was suddenly too loud and too bright, Light had to squeeze his eyes shut, clamping his hands over his ears, trying to block out the voice of his mother resonating through his head. "Shut up, JUST SHUT UP!" Light yelled at his mother's disembodied voice.

It seemed like even though he had grown too old to be frightened by his mother whom he had killed himself, the wounds the inflicted on him hadn't healed; they had scabbed over and this miniscule situation had ripped off the band aid. His mother's presence still lingered and it wouldn't leave him alone. She still had a death grip on his life. His life was filled with just enough pleasantry to keep her at bay, but sometimes there were times where that wasn't enough. And now she had him by the throat once again.

The tears didn't stop and no one followed him. Light was left sobbing while his world shattered to black. He was losing himself again, falling into that bottomless abyss of odium and hatred, of unbridled fear and desolation. He was almost ready to let the blackness swallow him when a piercing bright light shredded through the darkness. A hand extended from the pool of light into his world. Light cried out and grasped onto the hand, not caring who or what it was that would pull him out of this chasm.

The darkness wrapped around Light's legs and tried to drag him back down, but whatever he had grabbed onto was stronger. It fought back the shadows and yanked Light clear out of its clawed grip. Light felt something tear and he heard himself scream with such intensity that it hurt his ears. He finally blinked open his eyes, trembling fiercely. He was still in the alley.

Tears still glistened in his eyes and on his cheeks but they didn't flow anymore. The sobs stopped and Light could finally breathe again. It took a moment for him to recover from the most violent and realistic panic attack he had ever had in his entire life. But it wasn't for a few seconds that he realized that someone had literally grabbed him and pulled him out of the darkness, that his hand was actually grasped onto someone else's. His fingernails were digging deeply into someone's palm, the palm of a snowy white hand. The person also had their other arm wrapped tightly around Light's quaking body, their lithe frame pressed to his as if simply their touch could calm the tremors. And it did.

Light could feel the strong heartbeat of the other person matching with his own, their breaths subconsciously synchronizing and his own breaths slowing. Warmth and comfort diffused through Light's limbs, heating up the areas that had seized up in fear. He felt perfectly safe, love and compassion was nearly palpable in the air around him and he didn't want to move, didn't want to leave.

Suddenly, the person shifted and moved back, still holding Light but at arm's length. Light blinked, unable to see who was caring for him because his eyes were blurred with tears and blood; he had obviously hit his head on something, the red life force dripping into his left eye. His chest aching with longing. He longed to be held like that every day for the rest of his life even if it was by a stranger.

"I didn't think it would be this terrible after all this time. I guess trying to stay away from you was hurting you more than helping," the person—a man—mumbled in a silky smooth voice filled with a saddened awe that Light picked up on right away. Light didn't understand the meaning behind the words but he didn't care. He sniffled once and a fresh myriad of emotions washed through him, sending the unshed tears spilling down his cheeks. He let out a crying sob and buried his face into the man's shirt. This time he wasn't crying tears of agony, they were cleansing and reviving.

Light felt the man wrap his arms around his body, pulling the brunette closer to his frame. He felt the man's lips near his ears and heard his voice again. Even though it was a hoarse whisper, it drowned out the sound of Light's own whimpering. "It's alright now, Y, you don't need to be afraid, don't worry. I'll take care of you." At that point Light didn't care why the man called him 'Y' or who he was; he just needed someone to make him feel safe. So wrapped in warmth, Light placed all of his trust in the hands of a total stranger and allowed himself to slip into the safest form of darkness: unconsciousness.

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><p><strong>Over the top I know but like I said, it was needed : I know everyone can guess who the man who saved Light is but it'll get better I promise, next chapter might be up by early next week. No promises but of course I'll always do my best! Reviews are always nice; I have a few more chem. tests so if you want me to have enough free time to spend writing instead of stressing about chemistry then review! It really does help boost my self-esteem also haha ^_^~**


	4. This Just Won't Do

**Next chapter, this one is pretty long compared to some of the other ones and it took me a while to write it, I'm digging myself out of the rut right now so let's hope this chapter is decent. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Light or L, but I *do* own Josh Bailey. That's all.**

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><p>The next morning, Light woke with a start. Out of habit, he leaned over to check the clock on his nightstand: 8 am on the dot. His head was pounding and his forehead immediately broke into a sweat as the previous day's events flooded through the dam of his cerebrum. Light paused for a moment, scrambling for any bit of information he could remember. Let's se— wait. Light's brow crumpled. He couldn't remember anything. He never knew it obviously but as a result of passing out from his panic attacks, it caused severe amnesia. It wiped out everything prior to the attack, only a few hours before it. Meaning Light only remembered waking up which would lead him to believe that this was a very well fabricated déjà vu. Except a few details were wrong.<p>

One, Light wasn't wearing a shirt. He always wore a shirt to bed. Without fail. His chest ached slightly with each breath, as if he had a few bruised ribs that he didn't remember getting. Also the pain he remembered being in the back of his head the morning before was radiating through his forehead. Light tried to frown but winced when he felt the skin above his left eye rip painfully, a scab ripping open and tiny beads of blood rolling into his eye, making it sting. Light wiped incredulously at this face, surprised by the amount of blood and that there was blood at all. _Did I lose a fight with myself in my sleep? Why am I bleeding…? _At that moment his door opened and a figure walked in. Light heard a gorgeous sound and that's when it became a dream.

"Are you finally awake, Light? Your roommate told me it was alright to call in breakfast for you and I thought you might like…this…" The voice was mellifluous and placid, the picture of calmness.

He had hair the color of new asphalt and his wide child-like eyes were the exact same shade. He was standing in front of the window-wall, right in front of the sun. The pallid color of his skin seemed to actually glow; a cliché halo of angelic light silhouetting him. Light's heart faltered, stopped, then galvanized back to life at triple speed.

"L Lawliet!" Light jumped in his bed, falling out of it, and landed in a dazed heap of tangled sheets on the solid wood floor. Luckily his head broke his fall, albeit it didn't hurt. At all. L Lawliet, his _idol, _was standing only a few feet away…carrying a breakfast tray. Nothing made sense anymore. _Wait a second, _Light thought_, this is a dream._ That's it! _My overactive brain has conjured up what looks to be an extreme likeness to L Lawliet. That's all, there's no way in hell that he's carrying breakfast for me right now, there's no way he's standing here right now!_ Light shook his head, laughing crazily to himself.

"There's no way!" He whispered softly. With a slight grunt, Light heaved himself to his feet, not caring that he was only wearing boxers. This was a dream after all. L was watching Light with worried fascination, his eyes wide but eyebrows puckered as Light approached him.

"Y, what are you—?" He started, but Light's finger silenced him.

"Shh," Light whispered, resting his finger against L's thin yet plump lips. They were silky soft against the sensitive nerve endings on Light's skin. "You don't know how long I've waited for this. But this is just a dream…so I guess it doesn't count does it? Even so…" L's eyes widened to an impossible size as Light cupped the author's cheek, stroking it delicately. It was as soft as he imagined it would be. This was turning out to be an incredible hallucination. Light smiled, trying to savor every moment he could. The only thing that limited him from getting closer to the author was that damned breakfast tray.

Light looked down, surprised how well the plating was set up: A stack of chocolate chip pancakes with _real _maple syrup, and bacon. Turkey bacon. The kind that crisped up at the edges and caramelized to perfection in the pan when you fried it, from that one specialty shop that Light all of a sudden couldn't recall. It reminded him of a home he couldn't remember but it was familiar and…comforting.

Light picked up the tray and set it on one of the three arm chairs in his room, enabling him to slowly get closer to this obsession. He cocked his head, beginning to study L like he was a sculpture in a prestigious museum. L didn't move or even blink, he allowed himself to be studied which was odd from both points of view. Light ran his fingers through L's black hair and stroked the soft skin of L's face once more. There was something so proverbial in this man but Light couldn't place it. Just like the bacon, the thought was a tantalizing memory just on the tip of his tongue and out of arms reach. Dreams were strange in that way he suspected. Nothing ever precisely made sense.

Suddenly, Light considered something. If this was simply a dream, he could afford to be a bit more brazen. Without warning or rational thought, Light swooped inwards so that his face was barely centimeters from L's. L had stiffened, his posture perfectly erect. He hadn't spoken for a while and Light began to wonder why his dream L wouldn't speak. This man was flawlessly eloquent on paper; no doubt verbal communication would be second nature like it was for Light himself. Light had his fingers gently entwined in the black haired man's hair; it was surprisingly soft for being so frowzily kept. He must condition daily.

"Why won't you speak to me, L?" Light whispered. He was so close he could taste the sugar and cake on the man's breath and it was incredibly sweet. L acted like a wax doll, impervious to Light's very obvious advances. Light shrugged in his mind, deciding to throw his discretions aside and do what he had secretly wanted to do for months, even years: kiss L Lawliet. When he was younger, his simple admiration had turned into lust and longing that hit Light with surprising force. Now, even though this L wasn't real, he might as well satisfy this insatiable need for it.

Slowly, as to not frighten the figment of his imagination, Light moved in closer to L's face. The dark haired man hadn't moved, but his eyes were still very wide and boring right into Light's. He moved closer and closer and their lips had just barely grazed each other when Light heard another sound at the door. This time he knew the dream ended.

"Hey, Mr. Lawliet, is Light awake ye— LIGHT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Matt's discordant voice rang clear and shattered the pleasant dream world Light had just created. At that moment Light felt something below his waist snap in half. His manhood cried out and so did Light as he reached down, before falling to his knees on the floor. He looked up through tear filled eyes at L's exasperated albeit sorry expression, along with Matt's nearly amused appearance that Light wanted to slap right off.

"Damn, Light, I knew you were gay but I didn't know you were a fucking hentai." Matt smirked down at Light while he lay on the ground helpless, experiencing loin pain that could equate to childbirth. L had stars circling his head. How pretty. Light closed his eyes, trying to make sense of this situation and not hyperventilate. L Lawliet was standing here in my room; he cared for me, and now…wait what? Light wanted to puke. Right now. And why did he keep calling him Y? What the hell did that mean? Either way it sounded beautiful on his lips… It didn't connect that he was meeting his idol, his icon, practically his _god, _so Light was able to actually breathe again.

L bit his lip slightly, looking around quickly.

"I apologize, Light. That was a compulsive reflex. Allow me to get some ice for your…injury." L muttered a quick apology before hurrying out of the room towards the kitchen. Kicking someone in the junk was a compulsive reflex? Light could finally breathe as he sat up carefully, being cautious not to jar his…injury. He groaned, putting his head in his hands, trying to ignore the pain in his crotch and trying to make sense of everything that had happened. Matt had watched L leave and had squatted down beside his best friend and part time lover.

"Jeez, that man is more awkward than a snake with two heads." If Light wasn't still fighting back tears he would have chuckled as Matt's southern idiom. The redhead had quite an obsession with southern life despite the fact he had just moved from Japan only a few years ago. In a few moments, L came back with a bag of ice and a towel. He was hesitant of what to do, his weight shifting from foot to foot. Obviously he was contemplating whether or not to actually apply it to Light's crotch, or to simply give it to Light so that he could get the job done himself. Matt had raised his hands in surrender, not wanting that responsibility. He made a hasty retreat to the living room. Coward. At that moment Light didn't care as long as the pain stopped.

"Here," Light groaned softly, putting the man out of his misery, "I'll take the bag thanks." The relief on the man's face was almost flagrant as he shuffled over to hand the bag to Light. As they both reached at the same time, Light tried not to gasp out loud at the painful spark electricity that passed between their hands that caused Light to drop the bag of ice in surprise. L seemed not to notice or show any signs that he felt the electricity too, but he also fumbled to catch the bag. It fell to the floor. Light cleared his throat.

"It is exceedingly nice to meet you, I'm Light Yagami." He said in the most professional way he could while pressing a bag of ice to his dick. Inside, his fangirl was still screaming at the top of her lungs. It died and went to heaven at L's response.

"Oh I know your name, Light."

Outside: Light's brow puckered.

Inside: _Omg he knows my name! Omgomgomgomgomgomg! He knows me? How does he know me? It doesn't matter L fucking Lawliet knows me! AHHHHH!_

Outside: In a calm voice as he tried to not grunt as he got back up to his feet, "How do you know my name, sir?" L's eyes softened for a fraction of a second but then went back to being pleasantly blank.

"There's no need to call me sir, Light, you're older than me most likely." L said with a slight shrug, his hands in his pockets. Light's eyes bugged out.

"How old are you?" he blurted without thinking. He clamped one hand over his mouth in chagrin. "Oh, I'm sorry, it's just I thought you were so much older because of the way you write, it's truly incredible." He tried not to mention anything about 'Autumn Silence', but his fangirl wouldn't allow him to get out of it. An acerbic chuckle rumbled in L's chest as he glanced out of the window-wall.

"Oh that 'Autumn Silence' drivel?" his voice was terse and had a sour ring to it. "It really isn't my best work but it seems like the most popular. In truth I'm not very fond of it at all." At that moment, Light's jaw dropped to the floor. How could…what? Light couldn't believe what he was hearing. This amazing—no incredible, wonderful, awe-inspiring— author did like his own work? If it was any other person, anyone other than L Lawliet himself, Light would have back-handed whoever dared to say something so blasphemous in his presence. Light couldn't keep his tongue.

"What do you mean? 'Autumn Silence' is the most fantastic series I've ever had the pleasure to read! Its plot is twisted and complex, the characters are extremely dynamic and well-rounded, there are surprises around every corner; you have a supreme gift of getting to the heart of the matter in a way that really hits you hard without all the extra…fluff other authors tend to use. You're incredible to me." Light spoke the last few words in almost a whisper. A blush crept over his cheeks, coloring them a pink that was close to the hue of pink roses. It was a lovely color but Light hated blushing. L turned around, smiling softly.

"Thank you, Light." His voice was soft and almost melancholy. "How about we…start all this over again." L shuffled to stand in front of Light, his face the picture of professionalism. He extended his hand in a hesitant greeting, in a way that seemed awkward. Well for an author that reveled in anonymity for his career, he probably wasn't used to meeting his fans in their bedrooms while holding a bag of ice to their crotch. Awkward.

After a tentative moment on his own part, Light decided that his loins were okay so he dropped the ice bag on the ground. He wiped his right hand on…his boxer shorts, an embarrassing reminder that he was shirtless and pants less. Double awkward. Even so, the author still extended his hand to meet Light's, their fingers brushing one another. Once again, Light was bitten with the slight sizzle of electricity that seemed to pass between them when they touched. It was warm and comfortable this time, not scathing like it had been the previous time, and Light welcomed it.

_Light—Y—entered the large cafeteria in a good mood this afternoon. It had been 6 months at this orphanage and Light was surprised to say that he was actually enjoying it. He was finally around minds that could level up to his caliber and everyone was more or less pleasant. Even the smaller children were brilliant. He admitted to himself that he did have a friend or two, he that L character had taken to talking to each other lately. Because of his pride, Light didn't apologize for being so rude when they had first met, but the boy seemed to have forgotten. _

_Light sniffed the air: Spaghetti! He sniffed again. And garlic bread! He smiled to himself, spaghetti being his favorite meal. He was able to get through the line quickly—there were only 26 students/orphans in the entire facility so it wasn't difficult—and make his way to his seat in the vast dining hall. Of course, L was already there and waiting. As Light sat down, L looked up, nodding almost imperceptibly. Light nodded back, not saying anything. L and Light were always in competition for the top spot in the orphanage/school for super genius children but it was always healthy competition. Both of them were incredibly brilliant, even by Wammy standards, but neither of them cared about being first. They alternated every week or so. Light immediately began digging in to his meal, savoring the very first bite. His face melted into an expression of ultimate bliss. This place really knew how to cook, that was for sure!_

_Y couldn't staunch the moan of yummy-ness that escaped his lips when his taste buds exploded. For L, it was an expression he had never seen on the newcomer. Y had a habit of frowning or being neutral for most of the time. Sometimes there was the occasional hint of a smile, and on an even rarer occasion, a full blown smile. The kind that lit up L's world and made his insides quake with an insatiable need that he never even knew existed. In the short 6 month period, L had developed feelings for Y; too bad they would never be returned. Seeing Y's face, the epitome of ecstasy, made L laugh out loud. Not a snicker, not a short burst of amusement, a resonating laugh._

_Y tried to scowl._

"_What's so funny? Is it wrong for me to enjoy my meal?" His scowled faltered slightly. L was still laughing, a sound that Y himself had only heard once before in his time, once again it was at Y's own expense. _

"_No you're fine, it's just entertaining to see you so…enraptured by spaghetti noodles." L teased, smiling fondly. Y's halfhearted scowl dissolved and he joined in the laughter, releasing the miniscule stress that came with being at the Wammy's House with each hearty breath. After their amusement died down, the teenagers finished their meals otherwise in silence. It wasn't awkward however, both of them were fine with simply enjoying each other's company; there wasn't a need to fill the air with menial chatter. Occasionally, one of them would look up timidly; the other would notice the first looking at him and also look up, then both would look away or back down at their trays. It was a coy game they liked to play in place of talking. Both of them were really too shy to strike up a decent conversation anyway…_

After they got past the more than awkward stage or their meeting, L and Light decided to go out for coffee. Not as a date obviously but Light didn't want L to leave just yet. There was so much he wanted to talk about and say. They had chosen one of Light's favorite coffee shops in the area, they always had every add-in you could imagine, and offered even more upon request. They chose a booth that was out of the way and in a quiet part of the café. Light slid into the booth easily, his insides fluttering at the prospect of talking to L Lawliet. The whole morning in fact had felt so surreal and dream like already.

L clambered into his side of the booth, pulling his knees up close to his chest in a way not even a child would. His thumb wandered to his mouth and he began to gnaw on it gently, glancing around the restaurant in a vacantly interested way. Light coughed softly, getting L's attention right away.

"This is my favorite coffee shop in the area, their drinks are great, and at a price far superior to Starbucks." Light explained. L nodded lethargically, obviously not very interested. Before Light could say anything, an officious looking server walked up to their table, smiling.

"Hi my name is Josh, what can I—Oh hey Light! The usual for you?" The boy said. He was only around 16 years old, just of legal age to have a job. He and Light knew each other on account of Light came to the shop everyday and always sat in the same booth every time, which happened to be Josh's section. Josh Bailey was a cute kid: Choppy blonde hair that hit just below his ears, rounded cheeks, and these strikingly rare amethyst eyes. Always wore a smile, a more or less joyful disposition, a cute personality for a cute kid. He looked up to Light in a way and Light had the sneaking suspicion that Josh had a crush on him. He would always blush and stumble over his words in Light's presence, it was quite adorable. Light's smile was genuine as he nodded, leaning back in the booth's soft cushion.

"As always." He said easily. Josh nodded in response, not even needing to write down Light's order. Josh was the only person besides Matt in this world that he trusted to get his coffee right. Exactly two tablespoons of sugar and two of those little prepackaged plastic containers of non-dairy creamer. No more, no less. Josh looked over at L who's face was monochrome and neutral, but he was fixing the boy with a look that Light found almost…jealous? No, that couldn't be. Why would L be jealous of anything? Light mentally shook his head, putting the thought out of his mind for the time being. Josh's brow puckered and he faced Light, confused because Light never brought anyone else that wasn't Matt here. Of course, being as naïve as he was, the kid couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Who's this, Light? Where's Matt? He usually comes with you. Did you guys get in a fight? Oh I hope everything is okay, b-but of course if you need someone to talk to you know, I'm always here and—" He stopped his rant when Light raised his hand, chuckling.

"No, everything's fine, we didn't have a fight. This is just a friend of mine. His name is Ryuzaki," he lied smoothly. The author went along with it easily, not saying anything. His gaze was still disgruntled and that jealousy Light had imagined was back again for some reason. Josh blushed an adorable rosy pink and ducked his head slightly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he murmured in chagrin, turning to L. "What can I get for you, sir?" L's response wasn't something that Light had expected.

"Coffee. Black." L's voice was terse and abrupt, like he was trying to hold his tongue before he said something else. Josh seemed to sense this and without a word nodded and scurried away. Light watched him as he went, limbs still rather gangly because of his recent growth spurt, making his gait an awkward one. He turned back to L whose face was contorted slightly in anger. Light frowned.

"What's wrong?" he asked cautiously. L bit down on his thumb hard in obvious frustration.

"I think that boy is infatuated with you." He muttered, his voice calm. Light blinked in disbelief.

"Josh? Yeah probably, but I don't feel anything for him, he's sixteen for Pete's sake." Light stopped himself before he said 'I'm completely available. L's expression lightened a little and he resumed his café-gazing. Why was L so interested in that anyway? Light quickly segued into another conversation. "So what's your inspiration for the 'Autumn Silence' novels? Why have you never appeared in person for a book signing or been to any interviews?" He had to keep his voice low, no doubt the erudite people that usually inhabited this particular coffee shop would recognize him talking about 'Autumn Silence' and didn't want to draw any attention. L's answer was everything Light expected, the man shifting into author-meeting-fan mode.

"I revel in anonymity. I find that it's more…gratifying for me to be able to walk down the street or into a book store and hear people talking about me or seeing people reading my books. I'll admit I'm supercilious when it comes to my being somewhat famous; however, I don't really enjoy being around people so I chose to keep myself hidden from the rest of the world while being immersed in it at the same time. I wouldn't want to be recognized and potentially mobbed by fans for being who I am. As for inspiration, certain people in my past influenced me," he paused to look meaningful at Light. The expression was lost on the brunette. "Other than that I go off on some of my own experiences, and it created 'Autumn Silence'." He motioned with a flourish of his hands as if to address the book.

Light wanted to melt on the spot. L smiled, wiping his thumb on his jeans.

"Is there anything else you wanted to know?" he said, a completely open invitation. Light wracked his brain for a response, trying to come up with an intelligent question, but he couldn't find one.

"How many other installments are you going to write?" He finally asked. L thought for a moment, looking upwards in thought.

"About 3 more novels and I'll draw it to a close. Don't ask me what's happening next though, not even my editor knows that much." He smiled impishly. Light snapped his fingers, disappointed for a moment.

"I won your signed copy of 'Autumn Silence', when you made that writing contest? That's how I knew it was you that day." At this, L's almost non-existent eyebrows shot up.

"That was you who wrote that astonishing paper? I was thinking of using that for my own writing, in one of the chapters for my next book. Your writing is incredible."

Technical difficulty, Light's brain just exploded. Clean up on aisle four. He hardly even notice when L scribbled something onto a little pad of paper before stuffing it back under the table.

It took all Light's control to not start gaping at L like a retarded fish. They sat in silence for a few moments, both a little star struck; much more on Light's end than on L's. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence though, it lingered like a bad cold and Light basked in it, trying to re-gather his scrambled thoughts.

L was counting the sugar packets in the small plastic container, Light watched his face fall as he counted only 5 packets of Splenda.

"Well that just won't do." L murmured to himself in frustration. Light raised an eyebrow. There was a superfluous amount of Sweet and Low, as well as other brands of synthetic sugar substitute.

"Why don't you just use the other kinds of sugar?" He questioned. L turned on him, his eyes suddenly ablaze with a bright flame of determination.

"No! It has to be Splenda!" he said between clenched teeth. "I refuse to use anything else!" Before Light could respond, L had already hopped out of his seat and slipped his shoes back on—Light didn't even notice he had taken them off. He watched L with confused fascination as the author padded over to a couple sitting at one of the many other tables in the café. Light couldn't hear what was being said but he could see the couple's irritated faces as L reached across the table without warning _right between them _to get to his Splenda packets. The table was quite long which meant L's stomach was touching the table as his nimble fingers grabbed at the container. This caught the attention of many other patrons in the café. Light's eyes went wide and he quickly looked away, suddenly aware of the fact that he had been staring at L's butt as he bent over.

L was back in moment, a small triumphant grin on his lips. He finally crawled back into the booth, happily picking through the packets, stacking his new packs with the old ones. 13 again, like he had used that one day. Was that only 2 days ago? Before Light could comment on L's behavior, Josh practically skipped up to the table, their drinks in hand.

"Here you go, Light, just the way you like it." He smiled fondly at the brunette, setting the drink carefully in front of him to make sure the liquid didn't slosh over the brim. Light smiled, letting the smell waft up to his nose. Josh carefully set down L's cup in front of him, murmuring something Light couldn't hear. L was fixing the boy with that irate gaze again, which in turn made the boy visibly shudder. Light smiled apologetically before the boy fled again, quicker this time. Light frowned but didn't comment. L blinked at him.

"So tell me about yourself, Light." He said randomly. Light's face relaxed, dredging up the watered down story of his life he routinely recited for strangers. Light practiced it so much and performed it so well that he almost believed that it was how his life actually happened. Almost.

"I was born in Japan, but moved here with my mother when I was young so I don't remember much of it. I've been in New York ever since. My mother," Light pretended to look away sadly, as if caught up in a painful memory, "died in a car accident soon after we moved here so I've been on my own ever since. My father was… never in the picture. Unfortunately I didn't have the funds to go to college so I've been working since before I was 16." Light left out the detail of his prostitution days. "I can't remember anything between my ages 13 to 18, I'm not sure why but I have no recollection of my life during that time." L's eyes flashed with an emotion that Light didn't understand.

"You can't remember…anything?" L said in a low whisper, his voice aching with that emotion Light couldn't decipher. Light's brow puckered.

"Nope, nothing at all." He replied with genuine sadness. L scribbled something else onto a pad of paper and Light cocked his head in confusion. "What are you—?"

"So what do you like to do for fun? What's you favorite color? Pet peeve?" L cut Light off, his expression normal again. Light coughed softly, shaking off the feeling that L had an ulterior motive to this meeting. He launched into his autobiography, naming off everything from his favorite food to his favorite book (which he obviously said 'Autumn Silence' when he was asked to answer honestly) and everything in between. All the while L kept writing on that little pad of paper. Light was nearly about to ask but every time the opportunity came up, the pad was gone. Damn.

_Y walked down the long and empty corridor. He glanced over as he passed his own room, heading towards L's. It had been 2 years and the 15 year old had begun to grow quite fond of this orphanage. It was quiet for the most part, the food was amazing, no one bothered him; they were all too interested in furthering their knowledge to be bothersome. Light enjoyed the peacefully quiet hallways. It was a Saturday which meant everyone could do what they wanted. For most of the time the kids stayed in their rooms, slept in, went to the library, played outside, anything they wanted. Either way it was quiet as Light padded towards L's room. The door was slightly ajar, soft light leaking through the crack in the open doorway. Light could hear the sound of L's usual frustrated grunts as his pencil glided across paper. _

_L was a writer, a pretty damn good one at that. L himself would never admit it, but everyone else in the house knew. His back was turned to the door as he hunched over his elaborate wooden writing desk, a simple lamp mounted to the wall shined over his work. Light loved to watch L write. He would pull up a stool and usually counsel him in what he wrote, giving him suggestions when he was asked for them. Right now Light was leaned up against the doorframe, smiling fondly. He felt an unexpected pang in his heart, something that hit him hard and fast, like a shock of electricity. Light didn't understand the feeling, brushing it out of his mind. He cleared his throat._

"_Hey L," he called out softly. L stiffened for a second, ready to snap at anyone who tried to disrupt him, but then he relaxed, recognizing the voice. He swiveled around in his rolling chair, grinning widely, an expression that almost surprised Light. He hardly ever got to see L smile let alone grin. The pang of electricity his him firmly again._

"_I think I've done it." He said excitedly. He ran a hand through his erratic hair quickly and messily. His eyes were alight with a child like happiness, a refreshing change from his usual vacuous expression the usually held; he was almost bouncing up and down in his chair from giddiness. Light had to admit, L looked freaking adorable. L's happy mood was infectious, and Light couldn't help but laugh softly._

"_Done what?" He asked even though he already knew. L bit his lip from yelling in excitement, albeit he let out a soft squeak. _

"_I finally finished the book!"He said, his voice still calm. Light grinned, nodding in approval._

"_It took you long enough, let's see it!" Light crossed the room in three steps, looking over the desk at the enormous pile of papers stacked neatly and bound at the spine my giant clips. It was a simple manuscript, completely handwritten. One thousand pages of pure genius. _

"_I haven't thought of a name for it yet, what do you think of…'Autumn Silence'?" He mused out loud. Light scrunched his nose up in the way that made L's brain melt; it was adorable. _

"_I don't know, I'm not especially fond of the name but if you like it, then I'll learn to love it." Light draped his arms easily over L's shoulders, staring down at L's opus. "Either way it looks great." Light breathed. L reached up and touched Light's arms, stroking them gingerly. _

"_Took me a year and a half to do it, but it was worth it." L murmured. He turned so he could look at Light, their faces only inches apart. "Thank you so much, I don't think I could have done it without you. You were my main inspiration after all." Light smiled lovingly, his cheeks flushing a delicate rose. Light began to bring his face closer to L's; he could practically taste the cake that L had just eaten on his breath. Light's heart began to beat faster as the electricity that passed between them intensified. Their lips almost touched, brushing together and finally, finally… _

"_We should head to the library." L jerked his head back, easily breaking himself from Light's loose grip. He pulled himself back and wheeled away a few inches, standing up. "I heard Roger just imported some new philosophy text books that I really wanted to get a jump on before they're taken by the others." Light's head was still whirring as he straightened up, trying to right himself. His throat was tight as he tried to breathe, but the room wouldn't stop spinning._

"_Yeah," he said weakly, trying to ignore the fact that he just got rejected by L, "let's go. I— I wanted to get some new ones as well." L nodded awkwardly and led the way out of the room like nothing had just happened. Light followed behind him a little farther than usual, trying to stifle the tears that threatened to escape and tumble down his cheeks. He didn't want to let L know how much he was hurting…_

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><p><strong>Poor Light :( Oh well, maybe things will start happening for teenage L and Light, who knows? Anyway what's you think of this chapter? The flash backs might seem random but they will serve a purpose later on and things will click! And also, why can't Light remember anything between the ages 13 through 18? You'll find out, I'm really excited to make this all come together, I hope you are too! :) Please review, I've been having a pretty shitty day so far lol. <strong>


	5. Deja Vu, Confusion, and Human Burritos

**I'm totally stuck. Jeez I don't know what else to do with this story right now, well I guess I don't know how to make it interesting. I sigh. I'm waiting for me to hear a certain song or have a dream (because that's usually where my ideas come from, random things trigger ideas and then I write) but so far nothing is happening -_-;; I'm trying guys, I really am! Chemistry is starting to get the upper hand once again, but not so much that it'll interfere with updates. I'm sorry I haven't been updating as quick as I should have, I just can't think and I don't want to put up a bunch of really quick half-assed chapters as opposed to some really good ones that have substance but you'll have to wait for them a little longer. I really want to make this story longer than Silly Choices, that's just been my goal on this site, to make each story a little bit longer than the last and to improve my writing in each one because it's pretty raw and more than a little rough. So bear with me and be patient and I'll do my best as always.**

**Oh! I want to say a HUGE thank you to someone who reviewed my story, named Kenna, it was an anonymous review so I couldn't message her in a PM so I'll say it here. Thank you for your extremely kind words, I'm glad and very surprised that I'm your writing role-model! I'll be honest, I almost cried at that review. And I almost never cry unless something sad happens in a book an anime. I don't know why you would choose me because I don't do anything special or even really edit anything; I just write what comes to me. Even so, thanks so much and I hope you become a better writer than I! Because seriously though, I'm not good compared to some of the other FFN-ers here, I guess because some are actually college level and up people who know how to actually form a plot and ideas and I'm a sophomore in high school who just wings it haha.**

**Sorry I'm talking so much, I've been so bored these last few days and kinda lonely (which I don't feel very often if at all, I like being alone more than anything) so I need ya'll to talk to haha. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next chapter :)**

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><p>"Well this day has been…absolutely surreal." Light said softly, a melancholy twinge rested on the edge of his words. Even though he and L had spent the entire day together, Light knew that it eventually had to end. Light had stuffed his hands in his pockets, glancing at the sky as twilight fell over Manhattan, painting the sky an opaque indigo. Stars had yet to appear and the sun was vainly casting its last claws of sunlight across the city like fiery claws.<p>

Light and L had spent the day more or less roaming around New York. They went through Central Park, around the Empire State building, and everywhere in between. To Light's surprise, L was the one that asked all the questions. They talked more like they were close friends that were just reconnecting after a few years of being apart. L asked any question he could, and Light answered just as honestly until it came to anything about his family life. It was as if L was trying to gather every bit of information he could about the brunette, trying to piece together the past…

"Yes, I suppose you could say this day has been quite dreamlike." L mused, biting his thumb. At the moment the two were sitting on a park bench, with their late evening lunch: corndogs. Light had bought one for L out of politeness because L had never tasted one before. For all of his incredible brainpower, L was extremely naïve. He had never eaten a real New York corndog, a street vendor one at that. When L had the thing in his fingers, his eyes went wide with excitement and…glee. He almost could get his mouth around the tip of it, which, embarrassingly, made Light think some rather vulgar thoughts. _All that anonymity and isolation has its downfalls_, Light had supposed. A cargo plane sailed over head, but Light hardly heard it.

"I never thought that I would be sitting here with L Lawliet today." Light murmured, shaking his head. He looked over at L who was munching happily on his third corndog of the evening. Light had to admit he looked adorable, he was holding the meal on a stick like a chipmunk. Or a squirrel. Or some other endearing woodland animal. L looked over at the brunette, a hint of a smile on his lips. He had crumbs surrounding his mouth, giving him the alternate look of a five year old child. Without thinking, Light grabbed a napkin he had saved in his pocket and licked it slightly. "Look this way." Light sighed in exasperation. L cocked an eyebrow and turned to the younger man.

"Is something wrong, Light?" he asked, the corndog still in hand. Light rolled his eyes and reached forward, beginning to wipe the crumbs from the grown man's face. He rubbed the skin softly as L stared him, his eyes wide with surprise.

"You're supposed to eat the food, L, not wear it." Light muttered under his breath. Suddenly, his hand went rigid. Not because he was embarrassed, but because that phrase seemed like something he had said before. His mind couldn't trace the origin of the thought but Light knew he had heard himself say it…

_It was that time of the month again. Light groaned and turned over in his bed, trying to cover his head with the thick blanket he was provided with. It smelled like L because the black-haired boy liked to lie on Light's bed when he visited the brunette's room, claiming Light's blanket was __**so **__much softer than his own. Light loved to revel in the smell, it was a completely natural scent that Light couldn't place no matter how hard he tried, but it was warm and welcoming, and a tad bit musky. It made Light's mouth absolutely water at the smell. _

_Back to the matter at hand, Light winced when he heard the sharp knock at his door. This was the one day of the month when he didn't want L to be at his door._

"_Go away!" Light moaned loudly, drawing the covers even tighter around his frame. Maybe if he squeezed his eyes shut, L would evaporate…._

"_Wake up, Y. I abhor this just as much as you do. Even so, our names are on the list this week." L's voice sounded dead and disgruntled. Light opened his eyes slowly, his world a muted white under the sheets. He let his muscles relax completely, his body tipping over the edge of the bed and falling lazily onto the wood floor. The sheets were dragged off the bed along with him, leaving Light a tangled heap on the floor. It was comfortable. L opened the door without warning. Light obviously couldn't see him but the smirk was evident in his next few words._

"_You look like a giant burrito." L snorted, padding closer. He crouched down, unable to decipher where the brunette's head was in the tangle mess. L poked around one end, laughing when Light squeaked in a way that was out of character for him. _

"_If you have poked a few inches to the left we would have had a serious problem." Light hissed, his head popping up from the other end, an irritated expression on his face. L smirked, crawling on top of Light who was still tangled and who was completely helpless. L was straddling the brunette and Light had to duck his head down so that L wouldn't see the obvious blush that painted his cheeks._

"_Get off of me!" Light groaned, his voice muffled. L made no attempt to move, but instead dug his thumbs into Light's sides unexpectedly. Light squeaked in surprise again, a nervous chuckle rising in his throat. L crawled closer to Light's face, on top of him and pressing their chests together. Light's breaths were coming quick and shallow as L tilted his face closer to Light's. _

"_Are you tickle-ish, Y?" L whispered, his voice just barely husky. Light's heart wracked inside his rid cage and with their chest pressed together, Light was sure L could feel it. His mouth was unexpectedly sere and cottony. _

"_N-no." Light forced out, mentally kicking himself. Why did he sound so weak and feeble in L's presence? _

"_Oh really?" L's eyes narrowed slightly, a predatory look upon his face. Suddenly, L sat back up, sitting on Light's hips. He reached down, proceeding to tickle Light's ribs roughly. Light nearly screamed, being extremely tickle-ish in his ribs and armpits. His breath was now coming in short gasps as he laughed uncontrollably, doing his best to turn in his bed sheet cocoon to escape L's fingers, but they were too nimble. Light kicked and twisted, unable to get up or use his arms to push the other boy away. L mercilessly jabbed Light in the sides, laughing at Light's expense. After a minute or two of Light begging and pleading, L finally stopped tickling the brunette, breathing deeply. He crouched back down; his face once again inches from Light. This boy definitely wasn't giving Light's heart a second to slow down. "You are ticklish." L grinned impishly. Light made an attempt to scowl._

"_Whatever. This is extremely uncomfortable and I don't like it, would you be so kind as to get off of me now?"_

"_If you don't like it, then why are you blushing?" _

_Light's eyes widened in disbelief, his mouth fell open._

"_I'm not blushing!"_

"_You're blushing even more now."_

"_I am not!" Blush._

"_Yes you are; it's actually quite cute to be honest." Blushing even darker. Light looked away from the raven-haired boy, frowning in frustration. He had to look away because if he looked at L, he might start crying. He knew this whole conversation and current situation would never progress into anything, it would just lead to more disappointment and rejection._

"_Just get off of me." Light growled. L chuckled, hopping to his feet. He reached down towards Light who was just now untangling himself, his arms finally free. Light looked up at the downward extended hand, frowning. "What are you doing?" _

"_I'm trying to help you up you dolt." L rolled his eyes, curling and uncurling his fingers. Light smiled and grabbed the pale hand, letting L pull him up and out of the bed sheets and into his arms. Light couldn't help the blush this time as he accidentally came face to face with L's chest, breathing in the same scent that clung to his own blanket. Coming directly from the source, It was much more potent and it made Light's head spin. L took in a sharp breath, suddenly holding Light at arms length away. "I see what you're doing, trying to distract me from the matter at hand. You know we have to help in the nursery today and we're already late." He deadpanned. Light frowned at his stoic expression and let go of L's hand, making a noise of indignation._

"_I know, I know." He growled, pushing past L and out into the hallway. "Let's just get this over with."_

_The nursery was where the next generation of young geniuses was kept; ages 1 to 3 at least. Except the newborns didn't know that they would soon become brilliant so for the time being, they acted like simple babies. Light hated children, babies especially. It was mainly because he didn't know what he was supposed to do with them. They snotted all over themselves and then expected you to hold them? No. Just…no. Even so, every child over the age of 13 was required to help out in the nursery for a few hours every month. And Light hated every minute of it. _

_With more than slight trepidation, the two trudged down the hallway, the smell of talcum powder and baby formula was almost overwhelming as they approached the room when the little snot monsters were kept. Light could hear their coos and enraptured giggles when he pushed open the door. He heard L's choked gasp of disgust as a few of the 2 year olds gathered around L's legs, latching onto his jeans and pressing their faces into the denim. For some reason the children took to L like bees to honey, it may have been his face, those seemingly vacuous eyes that looked they belonged on a child themselves. Light on the other hand, looked like he wanted to kill every one of these little rug rats so they tended to gravitate away from him. They were smart children. _

"_Don't play with your food like that!" Light yelled in the nicest way possible. His shirt was stained pink now, icing from the strawberry cake that had been passed out and that was now being tossed around amongst the little trouble makers. Light was at his wits end, not knowing how to calm them down. They were all hyped up on sugar and general childishness. L on the other hand, was doing nothing to alleviate Light's stress. The brunette ran one hand roughly through his hair and growled in frustration as yet another splotch of cake landed on his pants. God damnit! L was sitting on the ground with a few of the 3 year olds, eating cake as well. He was nearly a child himself. _

_L had cake smeared down the front of his white shirt, one of the baby girls was having a field day rubbing the strawberry icing into the fabric. Even though Light hated small children, the 3 year olds were tolerable most of the time, almost on the cusp of their own brilliance. L tried to smile but Light could see the obvious twitch of the raven's eyelids. He had cake on his face and around his mouth. He was such a child. With an exasperated eye roll, Light neatly dodged another cake projectile and quickly made his way over to the other teen. He knelt down, gently nudging the girl's hand out of the way, trying to prevent any further damage to L's shirt. Light took out a napkin from his back pocket, licking it. Narrowing his eyes, he reached forward to wipe the crumbs and icing that L couldn't reach with his tongue. In the midst of the chaos, Light found some sort of solace taking care of L. _

"_You're supposed to eat the food, L, not wear it." Light murmured, rubbing the pale skin of L's face gently. L squirmed, nearly squeaking in protest like an infant. He scowled half-heartedly, grabbing Light's hand and stopping him. Light's brow puckered in confusion, there was still some icing on L's forehead._

"_It's okay though," L said softly, his lips grazing the back of Light's hand, "because I know you'll always be here to clean up my mess." _

L had walked Light back to his door, the sun long since set, the city shaking off sleep and galvanizing to life again. They decided not to get dinner upon L's request, Light had assumed L had some important event to go to but he didn't ask because he didn't want to pry. He didn't have the right to do so anyway. The taxi ride to Light's apartment was awkward, they didn't speak to each other and hardly looked at each other, except to steal even more gauche glances each other. Light suspected it was the mouth wiping that had occurred not too long ago. When it happened, L didn't seem to mind it that much, he actually looked like he was about to cry which Light found to be strange. For most of the day, he kept feeling a nostalgic energy rolling off of L in waves. Light was positive that they had never met in this life, surely he would remember someone with L's appearance and interesting mannerisms. Even so, Light couldn't ignore the agitation that pricked him like thorns at the back of his mind, the fact that, perhaps he and L _had _possibly met some time before this. Light didn't have much time to muse on this when L poked Light's shoulder softly.

"It appears that we've arrived at your apartment." L murmured, looking out at the horizon. His soft voice ached with sadness. "Yet another day has gone by without remembering. I wonder how long it'll last…" He turned back to Light, smiling suddenly. "I apologize for that, just ignore me. Nothing I say makes any sense anyway. If I were you, I wouldn't believe any of it." Light nodded, chuckling.

"I think I'd know that better than anyone. Seriously half of the things you say sound like complete nonsense, L—." Light's head pulsated just then, a picture flashing past his memory. He saw himself walking down a long empty corridor. He passed a mirror and saw himself as what he thought was himself, around his mid teenage years. It was a time that he couldn't recall no matter how he tried so the image in the glass was a foreign one. Light kept walking down the hallway, passing rooms with golden embroidered letters on each of them. He felt himself instinctively halt at a door that had a cloister black font 'L' on it. It seemed so familiar, like he had been to this room many times before. He reached for the door handle and twisted it open. Before anything else could happen, the image blurred and warped before disappearing completely. Light blinked at L who was now staring at him.

The image of L distorted and he suddenly appeared to be a teenager, perhaps around 16 years old. Not much had changed other than the height and the circles under his eyes were less prominent, his skin not quite as pale as it was as an adult. Light blinked once more, rubbing his eyes. L was once again an adult, no evidence that any change had occurred.

"Are you okay, Light? You stopped talking." L was standing closer to Light now, a worriedly excited expression on his face. Was he waiting for something to happen? Light shook his head.

"No," he murmured, his eyes downcast, "it was nothing. Thank you so much for spending the day with me, L Lawliet; it has been an extreme pleasure to finally meet you after all this time." Light was used to lying to flatter those in a higher authority, it was second nature, but this time, he meant every word. L smiled, flicking a piece of imaginary dusk off of his shoulder. Light extended his hand as a final farewell handshake. L reached out and took Light's hand; Light could almost taste the sadness that rolled off of L in waves. Why, he wasn't quite sure, but for some reason Light could sense that this wouldn't be the last time they would meet again. L smiled ruefully, the last rays of the sun illuminating their hands, a silhouette of sunshine permanently sealing their fates. Light was never one for that universe, twist-of-fate, intertwined destinies sort of thing but as of today, just about anything was possible.

As if the day couldn't get any better, L sighed and squeezed his Light's hand.

"Oh no, Light," L said, "the pleasure was all mine. Trust me. Oh!" L let go of Light hand which in turn made Light sigh, his body suddenly freezing at the absence of L's simple touch. L looked down, digging through all of his pants pockets, obviously searching for something. Light watched as L made a small grunt of triumph, unfolding a slip of paper that had been folded at least five times. L held the paper out to the brunette. "Here," he said simply. Light took it, still thoroughly befuddled.

"But what is—"

"It's my cell phone number, along with my Manhattan address. My personal one. Outside of my various publishing firms and my agent, along with few…relatives," L said 'relatives' carefully, "you are the only person who has the ability to contact me. If you ever need to reach me, just call and I'll always answer no matter what time it is or what situation you're in."

Light's stomach unexpectedly plummeted to his toes. The ability to contact L Lawliet? The sheer notion was…almost unnerving. Light blinked to clear his head, trying not to fangirl for the thousandth time that day. He shook his head, handing the paper back to L.

"No I can't take this." He said.

"Yes you can, I insist, take it."

"I really can't."

"Please take it." L's voice sounded like he was pleading now. "It would…set my mind at ease." Light had no idea what L meant by that statement but he wasn't about to refuse him. Without another word on the subject, Light slipped the paper into his front pocket.

"I'm sure you have to leave soon, your body guards will probably be looking for you soon." He half- joked, trying to lift the awkward blanket that suddenly wrapped around the two. L chuckled, his deep timbre tone rumbling in his chest.

"Yes, I suppose your right." He said quietly. "I guess I should get going. I'll be in New York for the next few days; we can talk a bit more whenever you'd like you. Well then." L nodded slightly and turned to leave, slowly descending the steps from Light's apartment and disappearing out of sight. Light rested his hand in his pocket, his finger curling protectively around the paper. The sun was finally disappearing out of sight, a soft indigo blanket falling over the city.

Light couldn't shake that bizarre vision he saw a few minutes ago, it still resonated clearly in his mind. For Light, it was suddenly clear. The thorns of apprehension that pricked at the back of his mind through his everyday life, the ambiguous and dream-like flashbacks, the images, the panic attacks; there had to have been a reason why they happened. Light knew there was a definite reason why he couldn't remember anything about his past. Even if he didn't know what that reason was, he knew that L Lawliet not only held the key to that past, but to the health and well-being of Light's very psychological sanity.

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><p><strong>I don't know how long it'll take me to get to the next chapter up, we'll have to see how long it takes me to think, oh plot bunnies come to me soon please! Alrighty, I have studying to do, please review and if anyone feels up to it, PM me some requests or ideas of what you'd like to see happen next! It doesn't need to be detailed, even the smallest bit of information with spark my inspiration and I'll be able to write again! Once again, you don't have to; don't feel obligated to do so, but it would really help me a bunch. Hasta la pasta!~<strong>


	6. Kiss me, Kill Me

**Back with chapter 6, it took me a while but it's finally finished. If my mind works the way I hope it does, I should have the next chapter up by next weekend because I have winter break starting this Tuesday thankfully. I might upload a Christmas one (or two or three) shot this next weekend since it's almost Christmas, it'll be a one year anniversary so to speak since I uploaded my first real fanfiction :) Until then, enjoy this next chapter!  
><strong>

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><p>The next morning was uneventful, yet another Monday. Light's weekend was so exhilarating that he didn't think any normal day could compare. He inevitably unloaded all of the weekend's events onto Matt once the redhead stepped through the door, belaboring every picayune detail. Light left out the flashbacks and the strange vision but chattered avidly about everything else. Matt hung off of Light's every word, even as the night wore on into the early morning.<p>

Light dumped another teaspoon of sugar into his daily coffee cup, already having used three times his usual amount in the hopes that it would keep him awake. He had to leave for work at about 6 am, to get in the café and to prepare for the day and to service the other early birds of Manhattan, and he had stayed up until 5:45 am. The bags under Light's eyes were prominent this morning even though he used every trick up his sleeve to prevent them, he even used concealer. His hair was a greasy mess, his locks clumping together and refusing to lay flawlessly in the trademarked Light Yagami SwoopTM. Even his clothes looked sloppy on his frame this morning, albeit they had nothing to do with his fatigue. All in all, Light felt terrible.

Work for the day went on as usual; Light couldn't help but be more irritable than he normally would have. A fatigued Light was an ornery one. Not that he wasn't always irascible but he was much more open about it on this particular day. A fair amount of customers poured into the diner in reasonable waves, nothing too difficult to handle. Light went through the motions throughout the entire day, his mind wandering back to the dreamland that was the past weekend and beyond.

6:15 pm. That time of day again. The end of the day stragglers and the fresh wave of night-shift workers flowed in, muted and weary. Light served them like he would anyone else and sent each on their way in a matter or a half hour. Once the diner was empty, Light finished washing the dishes, took off his apron, and locked the front door. He flipped the 'open' sign to 'closed' and settled into one of the booths near the door. It was quiet, the only sounds were the cooks scraping the grill and Light's own breathing. His eyes were suddenly extremely heavy as his body rested for the first time all day.

He cupped his hands behind the back of his head and let his muscles completely relax. The ceiling lights were dim and the sun was beginning to set, the rays barely illuminating the restaurant making it pleasantly dark. Light took in a large breath and let it out in a slow steady stream until his lungs were completely empty. He did this a few times until he could feel his surroundings slip away around him. His eyes began to droop closed as he began to succumb to sleep, not trying to fight it. He counted backwards from 10 as he slipped into this comfortable nap.

10…9…8… The image of the corpse of Light's mother from that swam behind his lids and soon melted away. A shiver flashed down Light's spine, but he forced himself to relax.

7…6…5… Mihael, Light's childhood friend who had passed away, smiled at him from behind a tree in Central Park. It was mid-summer when he and Light were able to sneak away from their houses and play during the day. When they were together, things were simple. No worries, no fears, no anxieties. They had fun and that was all that mattered. 5 years old was an insouciant age.

4…3… Nothing but blackness. Light struggled to remember anything he could about his teenage years but he couldn't remember anything, even the most insignificant detail. Light felt his brow crease in worry but his exhaustion overrode any sense of concern.

2… Light's mind began to power down, his thoughts beginning to spin slower in his head, before stopping completely. His body was entirely relaxed and the sounds disappeared around him. Light said his goodnights to the world, at least for a few minutes.

1…

_Knock, knock!_

"Hello? Is anyone there? I'm looking for Light Yagami." A muffled voice sounded from the locked glass door. Light's eyes shot open and he nearly roared in frustration, his almost-sleep completely interrupted. Light dragged himself to his feet and stepped in front of the door, about to lash out at the person who decided to come to the diner and knock on the door even though there was a clear 'closed' sign. Light rubbed his eyes and looked up, nearly squeaking in surprise when he was met with L Lawliet's pleased face. At that moment, all but the smallest tendril of drowsiness disappeared.

"L!" Light said, his tone on the verge of excitement. "What are you doing here so late?" L smiled slightly, reaching up to scratch the back of his head, almost embarrassedly.

"Well, I was in the neighborhood and I remembered this was where you worked so…" L's voice tapered off awkwardly. Light chuckled at the worn-out cliché. "So may I come inside?" Light nodded and muttered an unintelligible apology, hurriedly unlocking the front door, nearly fumbling his own fingers. Once unlocked, Light went though the customary 'would you like anything to drink/eat?' spiel; awkward mumbles ensued when their heads bumped together as L slipped on the freshly mopped floors. They eventually made it safely back to the booth where Light was once sitting, not saying much to each other. Light rubbed his eyes roughly to ward off the sleep that nagged at the back of his mind; he would not fall asleep in L's presence.

"So, L," Light began, "what brings you out here in the middle of nowhere to see me?" L was looking around the café, obviously ignoring Light's attentive gaze.

"Well, lately I've been thinking about adding a bit of…romance to my novels, because that seems to be popular amongst the masses. Not extremely quixotic romance but subtle and easy romance, if that makes sense. And I was wondering if I could get some assistance from you as to how I would go along in writing such a thing." His voice was lofty and almost painfully supercilious, as if to hide the fact that L Lawliet needed help writing. What a thought. Light's eyebrows raised and he leaned forward across the table slightly.

"Romance? What do you mean? I'm sure you have experience, just write from that." Light said amicably. L bit his lip and his brow creased.

"You see, that's where your ancillary assistance would be most appreciated. I don't exactly have the experience in that category." Light almost laughed out loud until he saw the naked truth in L's eyes.

"Have you never been on a date with anyone?" Light questioned. L closed his eyes and groaned in chagrin, bringing his thumb to his lips and biting down on it.

"…No."

"Have you ever asked anyone out on a date?"

"Absolutely not.

"Have you ever been in love with anyone?"

At this question, L's mouth opened and then clamped shut. Light smirked, a small 'huh' noise leaving his lips. "I'll take that as a yes. So if you've been in love, surely you remember how you felt when you were around her: completely infatuated, like nothing mattered in your world but her. She was your sunshine and the very thing holding you to this earth, as if gravity wasn't doing its job anymore. No matter what she did, it brought a smile to your face; in fact just the mention of her name could bring a smile to your face. She could do no wrong."

L was gazing at Light in wonder, his eyes glassy, shimmering with what looked to be unshed tears. Light frowned in concern. "Are you okay, L?" he asked. L blinked twice and the glassiness disappeared. He cocked his head to the side.

"So, how would you act around your significant other when you were on a date for example? I'm taking all of your descriptions into consideration." L asked earnestly. Light thought for a moment.

"Well for starters, if we were on a date for example, just as an example," Light held his hands up as to reiterate the fact that he was in fact using the two of them as an example, "we wouldn't be sitting to far apart from each other." Light leaned forward so that his chest was almost pressed into the table and he rested his hands in front of him. L emulated his movements albeit he stretched his hands out towards the middle of the table.

"Ok now what?" L asked.

"Next, we'd be talking about anything and everything that came to mind, laughing and smiling at each other for the longest time, until I thought it finally appropriate to take your hand." Light reached out the 3 inch distance between their hands and clutched L's hand in his. Light blatantly ignored the shock of electricity that nipped his hand as his warm hand met L's icy one. L's eyes were pleasantly blank as they stared down at their now intertwined fingers.

"Hmm," L hummed softly, "What would happen next?" Light smiled softly as he rubbed the back of L's hand gingerly with his thumb.

"Well, I might gaze into your eyes lovingly and if you remember how I said that nothing mattered but your significant other, that's what you'd be thinking right now." Light's voice had dropped in volume, just barely above a whisper. "Or, if I were brazen enough, I might even get up from my side and cuddle up with you on your side." Without letting go of L's hand, Light stood up and circled around the table until he was able to sit down next to L. He scooted closer and closer to L until their bodies were touching. L's eyes were wide and because there wasn't much light coming through the windows anymore, Light couldn't see the blush that had crept onto the author's cheeks. Light could feel his own breaths coming in shallow gasps as he could feel the situation taking a drastic turn. Light's breath hitched when he felt one of L's arms wrap around Light's shoulder, pulling the two of the closer together suddenly.

"So this would be appropriate for such an occasion?" L murmured. Light's face flamed crimson as L took matters into his own hands. Light swallowed roughly.

"Yeah, seems about right." He replied hoarsely. "But I suppose if you wanted to take it even farther, I could give you a hug or an embrace and softly caress your cheek." Light let go of one of L's hands and reached up to hesitantly stroke the pale skin of the author's cheek. It was surprisingly soft and smooth, making L's breath hitch in turn. Their bodies were so close together that Light could feel L's heartbeat. It was quick and erratic, much like Light's own. He heard L swallow and moan almost inaudibly. Light frowned. "Are you alright?" he murmured, his voice husky. L nodded weakly.

"Of course, I'm fine. Just taking everything into consideration, getting face-to-face interaction and immediate gratification is the best way to learn something in this respect."

"Yes it is. Now for the sake of descriptive literature, tell me what you're feeling right now."

"Well for one, my heart. I can feel it beating so quickly it feels like it's about to beat right out of my chest." The sarcasm was palpable. Light narrowed his eyes.

"I'm going to ignore that ostensible cliché." L smirked at that. "I'm being serious; tell me how you're feeling." This time, all traces of levity gone.

"I wasn't exactly lying about my heart. Its beat is erratic and out of its nominal rhythm pattern. Our bodies are so close together that I think I feel your heart beat which, if I'm not mistaken, is beating just as unsteadily as my own. My breaths are in sync with yours but mine are much shallower. My guess for this is because you're so close, the act of breathing seems almost cumbersome. You can't see it but my face is warm from an unknown heat, a blush perhaps? I-I'm not exactly familiar with the feeling but I think that I might..." L's voice tapered off and by now Light was hanging on his every word. His body was emulating L's words and his voice was strained in his reply.

"You might…what, L?" Light whispered. He squeezed L's other hand faintly. L swallowed thickly and squeezed back. Instead of answering the burning question, he closed his eyes for a moment before replying.

"Hold still, Light, and please close your eyes. I want to…try something." Light did as he was told, unsure of what the author was planning to do, albeit he had a vague idea in the back of his mind. At first, nothing happened. Their breaths were the same and everything else was silent. He felt the back of L's hand brush his cheek, leaving a hot trail in its wake. Despite his skin flushing warm, he felt a shiver run like a shockwave down his spine. Light could feel L's breaths on his own slightly parted lips, he could only think that L was about to …but if that was the case then…Light nearly jumped when L's nose touched his, their lips grazed each other, a tantalizingly timid invitation that Light was more than eager to accept. Even so, he stayed frozen, letting the raven haired man do as he pleased for the time being. If he moved now, it would just scare the other man away.

L moved away from Light's lips, not ready to confront them yet. He planted a tentative kiss on Light's cheek, smiling ruefully to himself when he saw the brunette's eyelids flutter. He kissed Light's nose cautiously, then to his other cheek, gauging the younger man's response each time. Light never objected so L began to explore Light's face, letting his lips graze over the smooth caramel skin and letting his fingers search on their own. He kissed Light's temples and his let his fingertips touch the boy's eyelids, trying to commit the feelings and experiences to memory.

_You don't know how long I've waited for you, Y. Even though you don't remember who I really am… _L was about to finally plant a chaste on Light's lips. He was so close; finally ready to take that last step, the step he didn't think he was ready for all those years ago. L closed his own eyes and maneuvered his lips in what he hoped was the right direction. Lips met with soft flesh and L practically moaned at the static electricity that hummed on the sensitive nerve endings. It was the same as it was back then. Light melted at this point, taking L by surprise when his lips parted suddenly, seizing control by reaching behind L's head and entwining his fingers in the man's raven hair. L parted his mouth wider to accommodate Light's probing tongue; he could taste a bittersweet mélange of coffee and lust which affected the overall taste in a way L found delicious.

Light's mind was in a lust clouded fog as he let his emotions over take his rationality. His fingers were tangled in L's hair as he used this approach to Pull the author closer and intensify the kiss. Their tongues explored each other cautiously but with increasing boldness, L moaning when Light gently nipped down on L's bottom lip.

"I suppose The Great L can be subjugated by the supremacy of seduction." Light murmured, his voice husky, clearly teasing the man. "Who would have thought?" The picayune grunt of indignation from the older man was all Light needed to let the situation get much more tactile. L practically tackled the brunette's mouth in offense, immediately plunging his tongue into Light's mouth with out invitation. Light laughed inwardly, accepting the unspoken challenge L had just issued. Their tongues were now locked in a skirmish for supremacy as L brazenly scooted into Light's lap, instantly gaining the upper hand. The room around them began to get warmer by the second as their feverish pants and moans filled the air that was already thick with lust.

_What is happening with me today? _Light's subconscious screamed. _If anything I should have stopped this before it began instead of egging L on! It's not like this is ever going to turn into anything when it's over, even though I definitely don't want it to end. L's famous and I'm just a— _

"Ahh!" Light yelped in surprise when he felt a frigid hand snake up the front of his shirt. "L wh-what are you doing?"

"Shh, be quiet, Light. Let the world's greatest author take care of you." The man's voice was barely above a whisper and Light couldn't help but shiver at those words. He moaned softly when L began to ravage the toned skin of Light's chest with nips and hot kisses. Light squirmed and let out an undignified whimper when L tweaked one of his sensitive nipples, the other hand cupping Light's cheek while he sucked gently on the boy's bottom lip.

However, as soon as it has started, it ended just as abruptly.

L broke the pair apart, both of them breathing heavily. They stared at each other for a few moments, an almost impregnable silence falling over them. L's lips tingled and his mind had all but shut down, unable to process the emotions that rolled through him in unsuppressed waves. Their faces were only inches apart and L could feel Light's softly heaving breaths on his face. His eyes were half lidded and there was a thin trail of saliva threatening to drip off his chin. L instinctively reached up with his thumb, slowly wiping the dribble away. Suddenly it was as if L was 16 again, albeit the roles were reversed. He remembered that day in the nursery.

L had acted impulsively that day, letting his guard down and allowing himself to indulge in his feelings once. He knew his feelings for Light were strong but he couldn't let another person pry through his proverbial wall, and tear his life up from the inside out. That's how it always happened after all. He had begun to think Light was different and almost believed his feelings, but L knew better. He _always_ knew better.

"L…are you okay? You're crying." Light's voice sounded in a concerned whisper. L frowned, reaching up to swipe away the tears he didn't know he had shed. How strange. L nodded out of habit, meeting Light's gaze steadily.

"Yes, of course. I'm fine." A typical response.

_That's always my response. In truth, I'm— _

"I'm so sorry, L. I didn't mean for this to happen, I-I don't even know why I allowed this to progress so far. I don't think what I was thinking—" Light was silenced when L rested his finger to his lips.

"Shh. You don't need to apologize. It was my fault, taking advantage of you like that." Just then, a flame of crossness flashed in the younger man's eyes.

"Why do you say things like that?" Light sighed, shifting quickly in a way that made L get off of his lap. Light was met with a confused stare which drove him over the edge.

"Like what?"

"Cryptic things! It makes me think you know something about my past that I don't know and it's like you're peeking into my mind and I hate it!"

L dropped his hands from Light's face as if he had been burned, all feelings of lust gone. He shifted his gaze away from Light and stared out the now darkened window.

"I wish I could tell you, Light, but this is something you have to figure out on your own."

"But why?" Light shot back, roughly running a hand through his hair. "I'm missing an entire piece of my life, a piece of myself." Light's voice had dropped to a pained whisper. "You have no idea what it's like to wake up in the morning and not know who you really are, who you used to be. I know you know more than you're letting on and I need. To know. Please, L."

"Oh trust me, Light; I know exactly how that feels." L's voice hardened suddenly. "Let's see. Do you know what it's like to be taken away from your family in the middle of the night without reason? How about watching your sister being raped and murdered while you watch on helplessly from the closet trying not to make a sound? Or, oh you'll love this one," he paused to laugh caustically, "how do you think it feels to wake up one morning to find that the love of your life, the person you expected to spend your whole life with, doesn't even know your name?

You have to watch them grow older from the sidelines, not even aware that you exist. Seeing them smile and laugh, living their life happily without you in the picture at all. Then, after years of not seeing them, you meet them in an accident when you thought you would be sufficient in watching them from afar and you find out that they need you just as much as you need them and—" L's frantic ramble was cut short when Light pressed his lips to L's. This kiss wasn't like before. It was forgiving and pure, a vain attempt to rewrite the past. Light trembled when he could taste tears that weren't his own mixing in with the kiss, turning it salty. L broke away suddenly, gently pushing Light away and turning his head away so his bangs covered his eyes. He couldn't let Light see him cry. L closed his eyes and gently pushed past Light who was still sitting in the booth, his fingers latched into L's t-shirt. L stood to his feet, his face, mind, and heart finally guarded. He turned away from Light's pain-stricken face.

"No, Light." L whispered. "We can't do this, you don't know me anymore. We've only just met and I…" L choked back an uncharacteristic sob. Damn it, only Light could make him feel this way. "I don't think we should see each other anymore." He felt a pang in his chest when he heard Light's gasp.

"What?" Light frowned. "No, no you can't leave me now, I've only just met you and—"

"No, Light!" L repeated, louder and stronger this time. "Don't you understand, that's the point. You know me better than anyone. And it's because you can't remember that I can't be with you. I'm afraid that if you were to regain your memories, you would end up…hating me. It would be for the best if we didn't see each other." L began to turn away and leave when Light's hardened voice resounded from behind him, his voice wavering slightly.

"Best for whom, L Lawliet?" Light balled his fists at his sides as he slowly got to his feet. His voice was thick with venom that bordered on odium and abhorrence. "If you ask me, that's pretty damn selfish." L could feel his heart crack in two but at least Light wouldn't be able to hear it. He had to put on the face of false effrontery, it was the only way Light would ever be able to live happily. He wouldn't allow himself to hurt Light anymore. L looked over his shoulder, casting his eyes towards the ground. He couldn't stand to see Light's face. If he did, he wouldn't have been able to say the following words without breaking down.

"Goodbye, Light Yagami."

Without another word, L pushed through the door and into the streets of Manhattan, leaving his former lover and best friend behind forever. _Life wouldn't halt, time would keep moving, _L tried to convince himself as he fought back agonizing tears. He took out a pad and pencil from his back pocket, making a note of the events that had taken place. _Now at the very least Light will be able to move on without me. This is the way it was meant to be. _

At least that was the thought L carried in his heart back then.

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><p><strong>Now I know it seems like things are bad (because they are) but I promise that things will get better! Maybe. I feel bad for making them split up so abruptly like that but it was definitely necessary for the progression; don't hate me now 'kay? Reviews are much appreciated! <strong>


	7. Mirror Image

**Hi everyone! I apologize for being so late but Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and everything in between! Hope you're all doing well and I hope you all came up with some awesome resolutions (because I know I didn't). I will do my absolute best from now on to update as quickly and efficiently as I possibly can, a new year brings new fanfictions too! Well, not much else to say for now but please enjoy this next chapter :)**

****By the way, a small warning; there is a tiny bit of implied incest in the end of this chapter, it's nothing bad I promise. So if you don't want to read it, skip the last few paragraphs.****

**Enjoy.**

**Also, there is a small flashback from L's POV, and in that bit, he's thinking so the parts that are not italiczed amongst all the italicized paragraph(s) is what he's thinking in his head. **

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><p>L unlocked the door to his upper Manhattan condo and flicked on the lights immediately. The space was silent, all the ivory furniture undisturbed. He dropped his keys in the small bowl placed near the door and slipped off his shoes, setting them in their respective section in the shoe closet. They were all arranged by uses, then by type, and then by color. L walked the diminutive steps to his overstuffed white couch and let his body sink into the plush cushions. He was so tired. His eyes were red and stinging from crying and his body felt heavy from the burdensome weight of consequence. This was all his fault anyway. He couldn't be satisfied by watching Light from afar, he had to intercede.<p>

"No you didn't," L mumbled to himself, "Light was doing just fine on his own. It isn't the most effective way to end the situation but this is for the best."

_Best for whom, L?_

Light's voice still echoed in his head and he clasped his hands together, digging his fingernails into his palms. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He leafed through the many folds in the leather until he reached a piece of paper that had been folded many times, the edges torn and worn off. It was a picture of Light and him, when they were teenagers. Their faces were squished together to both be seen by the camera and their eyes were crossed. They had been sitting under a willow tree and the sun was shining so perfectly that L could look straight into Light's still eyes and see nothing but happiness and overall joy. Things were so perfect and easy back then. They didn't have any worries or any real fears except the reality of losing each other. But there was no way that would happen, at least that's what they thought.

"_Are you sure you want to do this, L?" Light was being squished under L's weight as L was lying on top of him. It was an arduous process to breathe but Light didn't need to anyway. L was breathing hard and his forehead was resting on Light's. Light could practically taste the cake L had eaten earlier. L smirked down at him._

"_What are you chickening out?" Light scowled, scrunching his nose up. He had never done anything like this before; he wasn't as experienced as L was in…these matters. _

"_No of course not!" Light hissed under his breath; it was almost pitch black and growing hotter by the second. L's hands were grasping his forearms tightly. There wasn't much room to move and Light had to turn his head to the side to get away from L's mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip, his heart beating in anticipation. "J-just do it, okay?" His voice shook for no reason while L snickered softly. _

"_Just stay relaxed, it'll be over soon." _

"_I'm trusting you right now I hope you know that." Silence._

"_You really shouldn't." Just then, L grunted and Light nearly cried out in pain as L pressed his hand down on a small button that happened to be resting on the brunette's stomach. For a moment nothing happened, the boys held their breaths, waiting._

_BOOM!_

_An explosion sounded from down the hallway and screams ensued; L and Light grinned at each other. _

"_I can't believe that worked!" Light said excitedly. L and Light had planted a colored smoke bomb in the cafeteria, easily constructing it from one of the Advanced Chemistry theory books in the Wammy House's library. Between the two of them it took five minutes what would have taken an actually Chemist a few hours to create. It was a simple odorless colored smoke bomb make of potassium nitrate; the staff would figure it out soon enough. At the moment they were both laying under L's bed, only enough room for someone to lay on top of the other; Light was trying to squirm from under L's body but the raven-haired boy stopped him by touching his face. _

"_No you can't leave yet," L murmured, "if you get out now there's a 78% chance they'll know we were responsible." Light considered this for a moment before deciding that L's deduction was incredibly false. Nonetheless, he stayed. L chuckled and rested his head on Light's chest, gently scratching Light's arm. "You have very soft skin, Y." Light smiled and rolled his eyes._

"_Thanks I guess. You can call me Light you know." L pondered this for a moment. If his memory served him correctly, being able to call someone by their first name is a sign of intimacy and closeness in Japan which was where Light was from. L was glad Light couldn't see his face in the darkness, the blush on his pale cheeks would have been unmistakable. He swallowed silently._

"_Okay then…Light." He tried the name out. It felt almost foreign on his tongue but he liked the way it sounded. L imagined himself calling out the name to get the other boy's attention, saying the name as he smiled through tears when the other boy comforted him; moaning out that name as he and Y—_

_L blinked rapidly, stopping that thought in its tracks. He would not let his mind wander down that path again. Light's voice floated into L's brain and he realized that he was still lying on top of the brunette. _

"_L," the boy whispered, now stroking L's arm, "I love you." Those three words slammed against L's chest hard and fast, causing his heart to quake tumultuously. L could feel the lump forming in his throat; sounds, thoughts, words, feelings thrashing against his better judgment struggling to escape. Light's voice was so sweet and tender, his eyes so sincere and earnest that L nearly choked on his tongue, trying to hold back the words he earned to desperately to say. '_Remember your father_, L's subconscious reminded him sternly_, those three words mean nothing to you. Not anymore. Remember how he hurt you and hurt your sisters. Beating you senseless whilst drunk then crawling into your room after the fact and trying to apologize, the way he would try and say 'I love you' as if the simple phrase could erase all the sins he committed. If that's what it means to be loved, than it isn't worth anything.' _L looked down into those mahogany eyes, expecting to see that familiar glimmer of pity, feign sorrow, and overall shame. He searched those eyes for what seemed like an eternity, but all he found was pure, sublime love. _But even so…_ L couldn't stop the words that escaped his lips._

"_Light I…"_

"Love you too." L whispered, closing his eyes. He leaned over so that his head was almost between his knees. A silent, tearless sob shuddered through his body. Nothing happened like it was supposed to. He shouldn't be crying right now and Light shouldn't be so suspicious of him right now. L could still hear the contempt and malice in Light's words and his heart squeezed painfully. "Why do I always end up ruining everything I—?"

"L? Is that you? You're home quite early….Why are you crying?" L didn't need to raise his head to identify the origin of the voice that had interrupted his self-loathing. Around the corner came a woman, carrying a tea tray. She was tall and beautiful, with dark brown eyes that seemed almost as black as her hair which flowed unerringly down her back, tampering off at her shoulder blades. Her skin was pale and luminous, and she had the same facial features of L himself. The same distinct nose and jaw line, the same high cheek bones, same full kissable lips. Those same eyes that were seemingly soulless but were capable of harboring so much compassion. She was his exact other fraternal half; his twin sister.

"Not now Elise." L breathed out softly, trying to disguise his disheartened demeanor. Unfortunately it was to no avail. Elise frowned and walked over to L's side and set the tray on the wooden coffee table in front of the couch. She sat down next to L and scooted close to the man. L didn't flinch or even move when Elise rested her hand on his back, rubbing it in what was supposed to be a soothing gesture.

"Lawli-kohai," she murmured, using the endearing honorific for her brother. They weren't Japanese but they still used that honorific. "Tell me what happened."

"I blew it." L moaned, sniffling quietly. "I totally and completely failed, Elise." Elise noticed the picture that was clutched in L's unforgiving fingers, dangerously close to being ripped in two.

"What did you do, did Light find out anything?" She queried.

"No."

"Then if nothing happened than why are you so upset?"

"Because." Elise snorted at this, rolling her eyes indifferently.

"Because why?"

"Just…because, Elise can't you just leave me be in peace—"

"Not until you tell me what happened." It was at that moment that L cracked. He couldn't take the insensitivity that coated the raven-haired woman's words. She truly was L's other half, in image and in apathy. In an uncharacteristic surge of blind rage and raw emotion, L got to his feet and in one swift movement, hooked the coffee table in front of him with his hands and flipped it over with a yell.

"I let my guard down!" L practically roared. "After all the bullshit that I've been through, I should know better but I let my guard down and let him in, _again,_ after all these years! It's not fair, it's just _not fair!"_ L's vision blurred red for a few moments as he let his anger and overall frustration finally come to a boil. It wasn't fair. Nothing L truly wanted ever came true. Falsities shrouded in glamorous allure, no real proof behind those vacuous promises. The picture of Light and him drifted, unharmed, to the floor, landing face up. Those memories were peaceful ones, memories that L should look back at and smile. Right? If that was the case, then why did it cause him so much pain, just to gaze into a picture of Light's eyes?

Those eyes that showed L nothing but trust and affection, L didn't deserve it. And he knew it. He was tainted, in body, mind, and soul. He was filthy and unclean and he felt as if he wasn't worthy of Light's love. It was for that reason that he kept Light at a distance. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment in Light's trustworthy eyes when he found out that L had absolutely nothing pure to offer in return. L sank to the floor as his sister wrapped her arms around his trembling frame, all anger suddenly non-existent; it was replaced with a crippling grief that rendered him unable to move. He wasn't cold but he couldn't stop shivering.

"You needn't let yourself get worked up like that, Lawli-kohai." Elise whispered into L's ear softly, trying to drown out her brother's cries. There weren't many people in the world that she genuinely cared about in any fashion. But she could and would do anything for L; he was her twin, her brother, her protector. Now it was her turn to be his. Elise squeezed her arms around L tightly, reaching up behind his back to stroke his hair gently. "If you let your anger and hatred get the better of you, what are you left with? Nothing but a dark emptiness that have nowhere to go. You have such a kind heart, L. I know you're capable of harboring so much compassion.

I know you hated our father. I did too. I used to blame him for the way we are today. Even though he did…kill our other sister, there comes a time where you need to look into yourself and decide for yourself who you want to be. He doesn't control you, L, don't let his lingering memory and incapability to love another living creature corrupt your ability to love anyone else. I love you, and Light does too, if you'd let him.

Don't keep him at a distance, L. I don't know much about love from experience, but I can tell you that if you continue on the path you're traveling now, you'll soon find yourself without anyone to be in love with in your life. And that is probably one of the loneliest paths to tread on your own."

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><p>Light slammed the door to his apartment in fury, causing the doorframe to shake tumultuously. He stood in front of the closed door, his chest heaving as he took in quick gulps of air. The emotions that wracked through his body were a strange mélange of rage, misery, and betrayal. Light could feel his chest constricting. All of his senses were temporarily heightened; the lights were too bright, the soft whirring of the central air conditioner was like a freight train in Light's ears. His clothes were far too tight and blistering, causing Light to break out in a sweat. Another panic attack.<p>

Before Light could let his mind descend into insanity, he dropped his jacket at the door and made a beeline for his bedroom. He burst the door open and slammed it shut, leaning his back on the wood for support as his chest heaved due to lack of air. His eyes frantically searched for a space, a dark space away from all light. Light considered going under the bed but scrapped that idea immediately seeing as though he wouldn't fit. The bathroom had too many windows and the attic was far too cold... The closet!

Light ran towards his closet and threw the double doors open before slamming them behind him. Darkness immediately wrapped around Light, alleviating the smallest tendril of panic. But it wasn't enough. Light ripped his button up shirt off in haste, the tinkling of plastic buttons hitting wood flooring was deafening. The cool air hitting Light's sweaty skin made the brunette hiss almost in pain and Light collapsed to the ground, scooting on his bottom to the farthest corner of the already dim closet. He brushed past pants hanging on a low rack and kept scooting until his back hit the wall. Light could feel his heart hammering in his chest, cracking his ribs with each erratic beat. He pulled his knees up close to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs as if to keep his body from shattering to pieces. Light buried his head on top of his knees and tired not to hyperventilate.

_How dare L…That bastard! _Light thought, _I'm missing any memories I have from a third of my life and he's denying me that vital information? He knows everything, I know it he does. There must be a reason why he's keeping me at a distance, leading me on and then pushing me away so abruptly. He didn't seem very avid about it though, he seemed like it was something he was more obligated to; he was almost crying for God's sake. What that suggests is that L may have been close to me before. But what does he have to do with my past? I doubt I've ever met him in my life, I would certainly remember someone like L…_

Light's mind automatically started to sort the available information into manageable lists, weighing the value of each possibility that could link L to his past. As his mind cranked out theories, Light could feel his heartbeat slowing on its own, and his muscles began to relax. The air didn't feel as thick to breathe and he could feel his body stop sweating. His panic attack disappeared. Light had stopped a panic attack on his own.

In his excitement, Light stood up in the dark a little too quickly, all the blood rushing to his head. His mind spun, making him stumble and trip in the dark closet. He felt himself falling and reached out to grab something; Light's hand caught on something metal—a clothing hamper—to prevent him from doing any real damage to his face. Unfortunately the hamper tipped, causing Light to dive head first into the hamper's opening. Various shirts and pants managed to break his fall but the rest of his body connected with the hard wood flooring.

The light suddenly flicked on, flooding the closet with a soft yellow glow. Light groaned in pain as he sat up to see Matt standing in the doorway. His face was one of puzzlement and amusement.

"What are you doing down there, Light?" He asked, leaning lazily against the door frame. Light scowled.

"Nothing, I just…tripped." The lie was extremely transparent.

"Tripped. Right. How the hell did you manage to fall into the hamper?"

"It was dark in here a minute ago!"

"Then why didn't you turn on the light before you walked in?"

"…"

Light pulled a pair of pants off the top of his head. A piece of paper brushed his arm before falling to the floor. Light picked up the paper, ignoring Matt's jabs against his intelligence. He unfolded it and read it, preparing to throw it away like he would with most indiscriminate pieces of paper. Light felt his eyebrow twitch and instead of the crippling sadness that he expected to feel, a sharp stab of anger panged in his chest. It was L's personal phone number and address. _That bastard, _Light growled maliciously in his mind. _He's really an idiot; I can't believe he gave me his phone number and the address to his apartment. I hope he knows that I won't give up that easily. I'll squeeze any information that I can get out of him, I know he knows me. I'll use him then throw him away like trash; that bastard has already taken too much from me, it's only fair that I return the favor._

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><p>L laid motionless on his king sized bed. Normally, he wouldn't have paid any attention to it, but his bed suddenly felt far too empty. There was an ostensible lack of warmth even though he always slept by himself. The previous scene with his sister replayed in his head. Elise was one of the only people on the Earth that L could be himself with. He could cry, laugh, breakdown, share memories, and everything in between. They were twins after all. L had always thought that being a twin was a bit like being tethered together. You're never quite your own person.<p>

The social dogma with twins is that they should be joined to the hip 24 hours a day and that they should be perfectly similar in every way. They should dress the same, act the same, and finish each other's sentences, with no variations. They're carbon copies of each other, in such that no one could tell which the original was. Of course in L and Elise's case, they didn't have this particular problem, both being different genders. Still, the dogma still existed for them. When they were young, even gender couldn't tell the two apart because they looked the same. Elise had short, spiked hair and was flat- chested all through middle school, but soon grew out of that phase once high school began. All before then, L and Elise had conformed to that belief. It wasn't until high school that they learned they didn't have to be a single entity. L had developed a theory that explained the tenet in layman's terms. The one who was not Elise was L; and the one L was Elise. For them, this premise was something that was…

L was jolted out of his thought process by a sharp tap on the door. He sighed, childishly rolling over onto his side, away from the door. He quickly shimmied under the throw blanket, tossing a few pillows off the bed and into oblivion. After curling into a ball, and pulling the covers up to his nose, L granted the trespasser entrance to his inner sanctum.

"Come in," L called, out of both sadness, and general petulance. L couldn't see who walked in but judging the light footsteps and his intuitiveness, he knew it was Elise coming to check on him. He could already taste the applesauce crunchies. Applesauce crunchies was a dish (more or less) that he and Elise specialized in making. When they were children, they claimed it could cure any ailment: measles, mumps, any of their father's violent episodes, even broken hearts. It was a perfect blend of sweet and savory flavors, potato chips dipped in applesauce. Seemingly disgusting, absolutely delicious.

L heard the plate rest on the bedside table and gentle shifting of the mattress as Elise climbed into bed with her brother. L didn't even flinch when she wrapped her around his waist; instead, he melted into those arms. A dose of nostalgia stabbed L in the chest; it reached the deepest corner of his heart, sinking its barbs into the flesh. Whenever L's father would go on one of his violent rampages, beating anyone he saw in sight, L was usually caught in the path of alcohol induced rage. After being slapped across the face and kicked in the ribs repeatedly, L would slink back to his room, hardly able to breath let alone walk. His twin, who was usually able to avoid the beatings, would climb into L's bed when she heard him crying from her room. She would always bring him something to eat just because she knew L wouldn't go back out from his room and into the kitchen until their father left the next morning. It just so happened that the only thing Elise could grab one night was a bag of potato chips and a jar of applesauce. It didn't seem like a likely pair but once they tried it, it soon became a favorite snack. Now it just made L sick to his stomach.

"Would you please get that out of here?" L snapped, "It's making me sick." He felt Elise twitch but wrap her arms tighter around her brother. She rested her head on his shoulder, her lips right next to his ear.

"But I thought you love applesauce crunchies, L? It used to be your favorite snack remember?" Her voice was beginning to drop into a whisper. L's skin crawled in suspicion.

"Yes, it _used to be; _now it's just making me sick."

"Oh really?" L could practically hear the smile in Elise's voice. "If your tummy hurts, why don't you let me kiss it better?" Elise unclasped one of her hands from around L's waist and snaked it under the sheets and under L's shirt. L gasped at the skin to skin contact; her hand was so warm as she traced patterns onto the smooth yet firm skin of L's abdomen. L suppressed a soft moan and bit his lip. He remembered what this little contact would entail. This was also something that was unique to Elise and him.

When he was younger, L thought this was the way all siblings shared love. It wasn't until he grew older that he learned that incest was completely and ethically wrong. They were bonded together a little closer than two siblings ought to be at any point in time; they never went so far as to have sex though, and they never would.

It started when they were about 8. Elise had tried to make L feel better by giving him a real kiss, claiming that she had seen boyfriends and girlfriends comfort each other on television. L had tried to explain that they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, that they were brother and sister, and that it could be something wrong. 'But I love you, isn't that what someone does when they love another person?' was her reply. Back then, L couldn't argue with her logic because he didn't know any better.

With each passing year, their bond just grew stronger and sp did their love for each other, as brother and sister. As twins, they were all each other had in the world. She did everything for him when they were young, so L was willing to please his sister when she asked for it. He didn't necessarily feel up to it on this day, but L couldn't refuse his sister. He shifted and turned to that he was facing his sister's face.

"I love you, L. I always have and I always will." She whispered, the love in her eyes was as pure, which was one reason why L could never repudiate her. She had always looked out for L and did everything in his best interest. L smiled, resting one of his hands on her cheeks. It was soft and silky smooth, just like his own.

"I love you too, Elise. You've always looked out for me; you're the only person I can count on." He kissed her cheek before rolling on top of Elise. She wrapped her arms around L's neck and sank down beneath the blanket under L's welcomed weight. L wouldn't let the situation go very far, but he would show his gratitude to his twin. He would do anything for his other half.

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><p><strong>Oh no. I'm being completely honest here; those last few paragraphs just…came out of nowhere. In L's defense, he had a pretty screwed up past. I mean seriously messed up. And he and Elise never had sex if that make anyone feel better. The two of them always loved each other so much, like a brother and sister should (albeit a little more than they should I guess). They thought it was how everyone showed love to someone else. So Light is determined again, he just doesn't give up does he? Won't be long now until out little Lightbulb regain his memories! Ok I'll see you all at the next update, until next time!<strong>


	8. Roll the Dice

**Hello everyone! Back with yet another chapter, and guess what? I have a beta reader! Finally after painstakingly searching for weeks on end (or waiting for someone to reply to my shameless begging), someone has decided that they wanted to beta for me, heaven knows why haha. Anyway, I'd like to give a shout out to my new beta, ****XxHeartlessKissxX****, thank you! **

**All right, I'll go, I don't own Death Note yadda yadda, see you at the author's note at the bottom! **

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><p>Light glanced up from the slip of paper in his hand, a large condominium complex stood before him. It was opulent, yes, but there were subtle nuances that screamed "I'm very rich but I'm not trying to flaunt it". The small but still noticeable crack in the brick running up the length of the building, along with the rapacious vine of ivy that crept over the various awnings to some of the balconies both gave the structure an idyllic feel.<p>

He read over the address once more, deciding that this was indeed the right place. He rang for the correct room and a courteous steward led him up to it. That was the painless part. The frightening part was the confrontation.

Light figured this would lead toa squabble outside of the apartment; which would get Light absolutely nowhere except forcefully escorted out of the building by the same polite man who took him upstairs.

"Damn traitor," Light grumbled under his breath, his mind getting the better of him. Nevertheless, Light took a few deep breaths to calm and center himself, and knocked on the door. He rocked back on his heels, waiting for the door to open when he noticed something, two things actually: one, that there was security cameras perched in the hallway, pointing towards L's door.

Meaning he could be staring at Light right now and was deciding not to open the door. _Bastard,_ Light thought bitterly to himself. The second problem was that, even if L did open the door, Light hadn't thought of anything to say to the man.

In his haste, Light had left his own apartment without so much as a goodbye to Matt. The irrational thoughts clouded his mind and left him unable to think of any rational and thought provoking questions. He would look like a fool to follow L without a purpose. Especially when L had made it explicitly clear that he didn't want to see Light again. _Maybe I should just leave… _it did seem like a tantalizing option. No stinging wound to his pride or ego, and he could move on with his life. Just as Light was about to make his cowardly escape, the doorway suddenly opened a crack. It was stopped by a metal chain that prevented it from opening any further. The slit in the door was small, but Light knew who was behind it.

"Light," L said with forced dullness, "What are you doing here?" Light was surprised that the other man even opened the door in the first place, so this was definitely progress. He ran a hand through his hair.

"Look, L, I know you said we shouldn't see each other again but you and I know that you didn't mean what you said. I'm not here to fight with you, I just need information. I'm sick of your cryptic answers, I need a straight story." Light's eyes were filled with more honesty than he ever thought was possible.

This step was crucial. If L refused him now, it would be an uphill battle to get him to talk at all. After a stressed pause, L averted his gaze to the ground.

"I guess I owe you that much," he said more to himself than to Light. Even though everything was going exactly as planned, Light was caught off guard when L suddenly shut the door in his face. Light was shocked and more than a little hurt. It flustered him for two reasons: one, because things had been going so well, and two, no one had ever shut the door on Light Yagami. Ever. Before he could even gather breath to loudly voice his frustration, the door swung open again. L stood to the left, his arm extended toward the interior of his apartment.

"Well, come in," L mumbled. It sounded more like an obligation than an invitation but Light took it anyway. Light nodded tersely and stepped across the threshold, unsurprised by the decoration and look of the overall place.

Subtle elegance, just what Light thought it would be. Still though, the attention to detail that added to the charm of the space took Light's breath away. From the intricate crown molding to the handmade overstuffed ivory sofa in the center of the living room, the details stressed the point that he and L came from and lived in two very different worlds. Light looked around, his eyes unable to soak in all of the opulence in his view. L's uninterested cough interrupted the brunette and brought back the real reason that he came to visit. Light turned to the author, determined to leave with information.

"L," he began, "I'm not leaving here until I get some answers." Something passed through L's eyes, an impish gleam, before they dulled. He rolled his eyes up towards the ceiling, suddenly interested in the smooth drywall.

"Let's see. Yes, no, to get to the other side, 1.772—"

"I don't want to know what the square root of pie is!" Light cut the man off abruptly. He threw his hands up in frustration. "God you're such a smartass!" L's eyes snapped down to Light's face suddenly.

"Oh really?" He said, his voice unexpectedly acidic. Light ran a hand through his hair as a crutch, trying to keep a lid on his temper**. **This is when his mouth started to run without his mind acting as a filter.

"You've always been! Ever since we were young! Don't you remember? I used to try and get straight answers from you and you'd always find someway to dodge the true answer, leaving me more confused than I was in the first place!" L stiffened at this. He stepped a little closer to the brunette. His eyes were serious as he spoke.

"Are you saying you remember when we were young? When we were in the orphanage?" Light cocked a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

"What orphanage? What are you talking about?" Light shook his head, waving off the question. It just added more complications to the situation. "No I don't remember and I'm here for you to tell me what I need to know. Do you have anything to do with the fact that I can't remember my teenage years?" It was a pretty straightforward question, not much room to evade. L shifted his weight from foot to foot, deciding whether or not it would be easier to answer truthfully, or to run away and lock himself in his bedroom. The latter seemed like the more appealing option. _Would it really be that terrible to tell Light everything? _L contemplated. _No, if he found out I was responsible…it would ruin him. _Still though, things hadn't changed and it was still very entertaining to watch the younger man get flustered. He always did have such a short temper.

"I may or may not." A perfectly vague answer, and Light flipped out. Before L could sputter out a snide laugh, Light roared in aggravation, closing in the 6 foot gap between the two men in 2 and a half step. His fingers were closed in a sloppy fist, thumb curled on the inside. _If he's not careful he could break his thumb,_ L thought to himself. He knew this wasn't the time to be sarcastic because a black eye was imminent. However, L wasn't that stupid.

With a simple side-step, L avoided Light's irate punch, letting the hand sail past his ear with a whoosh. He hooked a hand around Light's neck, and with little effort, slammed Light to the ground with impressive force. The brunette connected with the floor, his face meeting the marble with an audible, yet muffled, crunch.

L stared down at the younger man for a moment, his head cocked to the side. Light lay more or less motionless, his fingers twitching every few seconds; it was like a scene out of a manga. When Light didn't move or speak for a few minutes, L squatted close to the boy's head, unsure of how to proceed.

In a tentative motion, he reached out, poking Light's shoulder gently. No response. He poked a second time, still no response.

"Light-kun?" L tried, his tone bordering on irritation. "Lighhhhhttt-kuuun." He prodded Light's shoulder a few more times, but with no reaction from the man, he touched Light's back. He shook the man a few times, but Light didn't move beyond the occasional twitch. This was starting to become a concerning situation. L bit his lip, standing back up. "Elise!" he called out toward his bedroom. His sister materialized within moments, scratching her head absently.

"Yeah what's the matter—" she started, before freezing, staring down at Light's now very still body. Her eyes darted from Light to L, the back down at Light. She tried not to burst out laughing at first, he looked like some scene from a manga and no doubt L had thought the same thing in passing. "What did you do to him? Kill him?" she said, more or less unconcerned. L gave her a deadpan look.

"Would you really ask that?"

"Hey, anything is possible with you two."

"…"

"…"

"Just help me pick him up."

"No way, this is your battle. He can't be that heavy right?"

L frowned at his sister's lack of support. He considered leaving the man on the ground, but seeing the small pool of blood forming around Light's face, it could easily be mistaken for a homicide. Plus, all that red would surely stain the carpets. Blood was a tricky substance to remove from fabric, and even trickier to explain to the rug cleaner why it was there. So with more than a little effort, L lifted Light's limp body from the ground.

Light's body instinctively curled into L's chest, making the raven haired man grunt in the sudden shift. Light's fingers gripped the fabric of L's shirt and he nuzzled his bloodied nose into L's chest. His eyes fluttered open slightly, his expression sleepy and content.

"Mmm…" Light murmured, "you smell like spicy red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches." Obviously, he wasn't lucid. L chuckled, resisting the urge to nuzzle Light's hair; he really was just that adorable. Light smelled like vanilla and cinnamon apples, a mouthwatering combination.

"Thank you, Light, I get that all the time." He murmured. Light was silent after this, his eyes drooping shut. He must have passed out because his body suddenly became almost unbearably heavy as L struggled to carry the man to his bedroom. Nevertheless, he did it, being careful not to hit the brunette's head as he ambled through the doorway.

With amazing dexterity, L was able to flip back the sheets with one hand before gently settling Light amongst the plush blankets. The author was able to get Light's body underneath the blanket, even going so far as to tuck the man in.

He assessed Light's face, frowning. He looked so peaceful when he was in a coma. _Don't even joke about that L,_ his mind warned. The dark mauve bruises blossomed on Light's skin like the petals of a lovely evening primrose. If only it looked as beautiful. L watched as patterns appeared within the bruises, incredibly intrigued. _Oh look, there's Andrew Jackson's wife, and a kite. Kites really are interesting, slips of paper held amongst the breeze by something as tenuous as a spider's gossamer thread. Hmm. Spiders. They—_

L shook his head, remembering what he was supposed to be doing. Light could end up drowning in his own life blood if the bleeding didn't stop. The irony wasn't lost on L as he chuckled. L quickly wiped the drying blood away with a cloth on the bedside table. He licked the cloth before rubbing the bruised skin softly, cleaning the other man up slowly. This is when the subconscious streaming monologue began.

"This is your fault Light," L began, frowning as if to scold the younger man. "You just had to recognize me and suck me back into your world. That day in the alley was when I knew you needed me though. I've been watching over you for years, and you were doing just fine until then. I was testing my boundaries by placing myself in a situation where contact with you was absolutely necessary; in all honesty, I just wanted to talk to you in a stress-free environment. Unfortunately, you recognized me by my name. I didn't count on you reading my books, as they're aimed at a higher target audience but I suppose I should be surprised. You've always been so brilliant.

In Wammy's house, though you don't remember it quite yet, you were the only other being in the house that could keep up with me. You gave me quite a bit of trouble actually. I remember when we first met, you abhorred me. However, I didn't take it to heart; many students are confused or angry when they first arrive. Normally, I would have ignored you like I did the other students, but I saw something in you that couldn't be ignored: that flame of resentment and independence that obviously couldn't be extinguished by whatever hardships you had endured. That's what drew me toward you initially.

It's…discomforting for me to divulge but I began to develop strong feelings for you; ones that scratched and fought against the proverbial wall that I had spent so many years building up, brick by brick. You see, I had never experienced any real love except for and from my sisters; I had two by the way, one is my twin. She's here right now actually. Her name is Elise. My other sister was younger than I, only about six when she was killed by the man I'm ashamed to call my father." L's voice wasn't bitter, and he was surprised to be talking about his father so coolly.

He had stopped cleaning Light's face and had subconsciously taken to stroking the brunette's hair. The monologue was starting to become his autobiography. For his own sake, L decided to wrap it up.

"In short, I am sorry for any trouble and sorrow I may have caused for you, Light-kun. I did not mean to make your life any more burdensome than I already have." His voice had dropped down to a whisper and L stared down at Light's sleeping form. His face was free of worry or fear, his chest rising and falling with each breath. He was peaceful. He was perfect. He was L's Light. L took both sides of Light's face gently in his hands, gliding his thumbs across the soft skin.

For a moment, L wanted nothing more than for Light to open his eyes and remember everything; the memories and laughs they shared, every tear and every blush. This Light Yagami was a shell of his former self, the memories entombed within a severe case of what could only be called amnesia, though L knew there was much more to it than that. This Light was a clean slate and, symbolically, a way for both of them to start over. Until Light regained his memories, L would have to slow down and rebuild their relationship and construct new memories brick by boring brick. It could work. L would make it work. He smiled, a new-found determination and a brand new course of action already forming in his head. "I love you, Light." He murmured, planting a chaste peck on Light's lips. For a second, as if it was as silent as an idea, he thought he heard Light whisper back,

"I love you too, L."

* * *

><p>Light opened his eyes to a darkened room. His head felt heavy and congested, like it was filled with cotton balls. An agonizing heat radiated from his nose, throbbing painfully in time with his heart. <em>Thump, ow…Thump, ow…Thump, ow! <em>He was lying in a bed of plush blankets and pillows that was far too large for any one person.

_I must be in L's bed, _Light thought dazedly, _if that's the case then, is L in bed with—? _He swallowed thickly, turning his head to the left. It was far too dark to determine if anyone was there just by sight. Biting his lip, Light reached out hesitantly, inching forward until he was positive that his fingers were meeting open air.

He let his hand flop to the bed, surprised at the relief and disappointment that washed through him in confused waves. For some reason, he couldn't remember why he was there. He remembered madly searching for L's apartment, but it was without purpose. _Why _am _I here? _His nose gave another painful throb and Light winced, gingerly touching the skin around it. Definitely bruising. He also couldn't remember how his nose came to hurt so badly. His mind began making its own outlandish assumptions at this point.

_I bet I know what happened! I was searching for L's house to find him after ditching me in the café, I was angry when I arrived but then when he opened the door, I found him to be completely naked. Of course I was so turned on by the mere sight of his naked body that I attacked him, absolutely consumed with lust. Naturally he didn't refuse me, kissing my neck before ripping my shirt in a burst of wild passion. He then began kissing a trail of hot kisses down my chest, stopping at the waistband of my pants and—_

Light blinked. What was he even thinking? L Lawliet would never, how could he even let his mind wander in that direction? _Damn you subconscious, quit making me think like that! _He scolded internally.

'_Yeah right, you'd be L Lawliet's slut any day of the week.' _His mind taunted him.

'Quit talking to me like that, it's not true! How could you— I — even think that? I would never do something like that. And what do you know? You're just my brain, a collection of fatty matter that just happens to control everything I do.'

His mind was silent for a moment before retorting snidely,

'_Please, you know you want L.'_

'…That may be true but even so—'

Light almost slapped himself but immediately decided against it. He was far too pretty for self-abuse. He was actually having a fight with his brain. Light wondered for a moment which would win, Light against his own brain. It would definitely be a long repartee of flippant remarks and esoteric comebacks. Just like an everlasting game of Monopoly, neither would win. Still, Light couldn't help the blush that crept to his cheeks. His subconscious was right; he did want L. That didn't mean L wanted him though. Not in the slightest. But, that kiss in the diner was intense; it was hard to fake that kind of passion and emotion. Light recalled L's husky words that night.

"_Shh, be quiet, Light. Let the world's greatest author take care of you." _

Light couldn't suppress the shiver he still felt at the sheer thought of those words leaving L's lips, and the blush on his cheeks deepened. Just then, the double doors to the room swung open, yellow light flooding into the bedroom. It was shockingly bright compared to the previous blackness. Light instinctively covered his face with his hands.

"Turn the lights off," he moaned. He was surprised by how feeble his voice sounded. Opposite to his request, the room's lights flicked on. This light was soft, bathing the room in a sterile white. L stepped in, holding a cup and two blue pills in his hand. Light eyed the pills suspiciously.

"I thought you could use this; it's ibuprofen for your headache, nothing more." L explained, answering Light's unvoiced question. L's face went from calm to alarm when he saw the pink on Light's cheeks. "Light, your cheeks are flushed, are you running a fever?" He quickly shuffled over to the bed, setting the cup and pills on the nightstand. He rested the back of one hand against the brunette's forehead and the other palm on his cheek. Light's forehead was cool but his cheeks were burning. He had been blushing.

A smile tugged at the corners of L's lips but he suppressed it, letting his hands fall away from Light's face. He couldn't be too intimate anymore; he was still more or less a stranger in Light's eyes. He looked over at the abandoned medicine. "Make sure you take those right away, they'll help with any headache or pain associated with your injury—which was minor by the way. I'll bring you some more water in a minute."

Light stared down at his lap.

"How long have I been out?" He asked. "It's dusk outside and I arrived here last night." He was doing his best to distance himself, not wanting L to know that he was inside his head.

"14 hours." L replied without hesitation. Light's eyes widened in shock.

"14 hours? What time is it? I need to call Matt, he's probably worried sick! What did you do to my nose?" Light's voice jumped an octave at the last question as his anger heightened. L's lips twitched this time as he tried not to grin.

"It is 10:13pm, I've already contacted Matt and he is worried but relieved. And your nose was an accident." His tone was matter-of-fact. Light let this sink in for a moment, realizing that L had evaded the last answer, probably to alleviate any sense of guilt. Usually Light would have followed up on that but his nose gave a painful throb, reminding Light about the medication. He reached around L to the cup and the pills. Once they were in hand, he looked at them for a moment, deciding on whether or not to take them. They seemed legitimate, surely not anything harmful. Besides, Light's nose hurt too badly to refuse them. Even if they were sleeping pills, it wouldn't make much of a difference. He popped the pills into his mouth, tipping his head back, and chased them down with the water.

His stomach growled suddenly, his hunger screaming and scratching against his abdomen. Light frowned, unable to remember the last time he ate anything. It had to have been at least 2 days, whenever he and L had gone around town. A corndog was the only thing sitting in his stomach? The sudden thought of the greasy carnival food almost soured his appetite. Almost.

"If it's not too much trouble, could I have something to eat? I am quite hungry." It was a slightly pushy request but considering the circumstances, he was sure it would be tolerated. Luckily, L nodded in a way that was practically eager.

"Of course," he said, "I can make a few things myself, and I can also call for anything else you might want. Anything in particular you would like to eat?"

"Spaghetti," Light replied automatically. He couldn't recognize the feeling but the sudden craving for the dish hit him with a heavy dose of nostalgia. L smiled warmly.

"Yes, I thought you might say that. I know how to make that quite well actually. If you're feeling better, you may join me in the living room while I prepare your meal. I have a flat screen television with a large number of movies, along with many books on a myriad of subjects that may interest you. The bathroom is on your right as you come from the bedroom."

With that, L turned to exit, leaving Light with a choice: sit in bed and self-loath until dinner was ready, or go out into the living room and get a chance to pick L's brain. Both options had their pros and cons, but it was obvious which one exuded more appeal.

Carefully and slowly, as to not upset his equilibrium, Light folded back the blankets and swung his legs over the side of the bed to stand up. He wondered for a moment how things had gotten this far. Just the other day he was plain Light Yagami pining after his enigmatic author from afar; a dream that he knew would never be a reality and he had half-heartedly accepted that fact. Now that same author was making him dinner. It's funny how life happens like that. This was a once in a lifetime occasion, the odds of the week's events taking place were second to none.

_Maybe I can put my soul searching on hold for now, _Light thought, going against his better judgment. _Would it really be that terrible to just enjoy L for a little while? Who knows where it could lead. If it does happen to go anywhere, my past wouldn't matter anyway, only my future with him. _He knew it wouldn't be that easy, but either way, he would let life happen. It was risky and presumptuous, and it might not happen at all. But sometimes you just have to close your eyes, take a chance, and roll the dice.

* * *

><p><strong>Sudden change of heart, eh Light? Of course it won't be that easy for those two, there's always going to be challenges until the very end when all hope seems lost. That may or may not be how I let things play out but we'll see. Ok, hope you enjoyed this somewhat, reviews would be largely appreciated! :) <strong>


	9. 730 Days of Light

**Ok back with chapter 9, this took a lot longer than anticipated because Fanfiction has been messed up all day and wouldn't let me update. Anyway here it is, hope you enjoy it!**

**Beta: ****XxHeartlessKissxX**

* * *

><p>The first order of business for Light was, of course, to check the condition of his face. <em>Bathroom on the right,<em> he thought to himself as he left L's bedroom. He nearly shouted out loud as his feet slipped on the slick wood flooring; his silk socks offered no traction.

Even though no one was around, Light cleared his throat, brushing off his shoulder and his pride.

"I don't think I can take much more of this," he grumbled, carefully making his way to a door that looked appropriate for a bathroom. Mood sullied for the umpteenth time, Light wrenched the door open and barged in without knocking. L was cooking anyway right?

"This house is a God damn death trap! I bruise my nose, my pride, what next?" The brunette continued to stew in silence for a moment, simultaneously admiring the breathtaking marble architecture and detailing that made up the bathroom. "And another thing, I know he's a rich bastard, but must he decorate his **bathroom** so ostentatiously?"

"Crazy isn't it?" Light's rant was cut short by a voice behind him. He spun around quickly, surprised by whom he saw. L, or someone with the extreme likeness to L, was sitting in the bath tub. He—they—were up to their neck in fluffy bubbles, but those onyx eyes were unmistakable. Light's eyes widened and he held back a squeak of surprise and embarrassment.

"I-I am so sorry, L, I didn't mean—"

"Don't be silly," 'L' chuckled, "I find your rants charming. At least now I know what you really think. I'm surprised you're awake so soon." It was a bit of a throwback to hear L speaking so casually like this. Another thing, his voice was also quite…womanlike. Light's brow furrowed as he tried to figure out was wrong with the picture in front of him. 'L', however, kept talking.

"Yikes," he/she said, "that nose of yours needs some serious ice. It looks pretty terrible to be honest, but hey! I think I can see Andrew Jackson's wife within your bruises! That's interesting…um, Light? Why are you blushing like that?" Light blinked and shook his head, his eyes widening.

"No reason," he gulped, the situation going from strange to painfully awkward as the bubbles in 'L's' bath began to disappear. Light's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as they gazed upon L's fully developed chest. "L you're a woman?" Light yelped, jumping backwards out of instinct. _This doesn't make sense! _Light thought to himself, _I touched him that night at the diner, and he definitely did __**not **__have breasts!_

L laughed at Light's confusion and panic. The sound wasn't something Light had heard yet, so he was surprised that it sounded so…womanly. L smiled at him.

"Don't be stupid, Light," L said, "I'm not L. Didn't he mention me? I'm Elise; L's twin sister." She looked at Light's traumatized face and followed his eyes to her exposed chest. "Oops!" She muttered, sinking down into the bathwater up to her chin. "Sorry." Light's fingers gripped the granite countertop behind him. _L…has a twin? Why didn't he mention something like this before? _Elise smiled and lifted her legs out of the bubbly water. Sighing, she ran her hands over her legs, washing them as if there wasn't another man in the room.

"That's just like L," she said, "I bet he's embarrassed of me, he's never mentioned me to anyone. Hm." She studied Light for a moment. "You're still as cute as ever. I remember when you were a teenager, you had the cutest face! You—"

"Wait a second, you knew me back then too? Does _everyone_ know about my past but me? Christ!" Light threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. Elise smirked, suddenly standing up out of the tub, making Light blush immediately. "Good God put some clothes on, get back in the tub!" he nearly squeaked. Elise rolled her eyes and began to wring out her hair. Light hadn't noticed that her hair was so long before.

"Oh don't act strict with me," she sighed flippantly, "I was only teasing you. You can stop staring at me now, geez it's like you've never seen a woman's body before." He had in fact, many more times than he had wanted to. This time was different though. Her body was so…pure looking. Unsoiled, she didn't look like she had been pumping her veins with heroin and drugs; she looked so clean in a way.

It was even stranger when Light felt himself decidedly attracted to her. Light had never been attracted to a woman before today. He swallowed thickly, his eyes, flicking around to everything that wasn't her.

"I-I apologize for intruding," he stuttered, making a beeline for the exit, "I'll go." Elise didn't try to stop him as Light scurried out the door as quickly as possible without making a bigger fool of himself. He slammed the door and staggered a few steps down the hallway, and collapsed against the wall, breathing hard. His cheeks were on fire and his pants seemed unbearably tight all of a sudden.

"What the hell is wrong with me, this is so out of character!" Light whispered to no one in particular. He was thinking about Elise, but more than that, he was imagining L. The bulge in his pants throbbed when Light thought of L naked, showering or bathing.

L and Elise looked so much alike (subtract the womanly figure, and long hair) so it wasn't difficult for Light's mind to take the vision and run free. Light couldn't stop himself from imagining L underneath him in bed, their warm bodies pressed tightly together. Their hands exploring anywhere they wished; Light would kiss and nip down the man's neck and chest, tweaking and sucking the author's sensitive nipples. When L's moans and pants of pleasure reached Light's ears, he would—

"Ahh!" Light breathed out in a whoosh, crumpling to the ground as he released hard into his pants. His head knocked against the wall, his breath coming in quick, shallow gasps. He floated in a post-bliss cloud for a moment before realizing what he had done. Oh no.

"Light? Are you okay?" The real L's voice came from around a corner, where Light could only guess the kitchen was located. L's footsteps were coming quickly in Light's direction. Oh God. Light tried to stand up but his legs had gone to Jell-O.

His body always had an ironic way of betraying him when it counted most, overwhelming weakness due after ejaculation was a major predicament, and had never been troublesome until now.

L rounded the corner and found the brunette sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. His face was the picture of all things, for lack of a better word on L's part, naughty. Although L would never admit it, seeing Light so out of breath like this was one of the most erotic sights he had seen in a while. Even so, he had to play the part of the caring friend.

"My God, Light, what happened?" He scampered to Light's side, almost unsure of what to do. He knew what he definitely _wanted _to do, but it certainly wasn't the right time. "I heard you moan in pain from the other room, what's wrong? Are you all right?" Light turned his face away from the object of his fantasies as best as he could.

"Yeah," he said weakly, "I'm fine, just a little dizziness that's all. You don't have to help me." _Don't look at me, I'm not...worthy of your kindness. That and I've stained my underwear. Either way, don't look at me like that…_

"Are you certain? You've stained…your pants…oh." L dropped his gaze, his own cheeks flushing pink. Light frowned and pushed L away, gathering all the strength and willpower that he still possessed, and hauled himself to his feet. His knees quaked for a moment, but they soon stilled. He ground his teeth, his sanity and pride tied together by the most tenuous thread at this point. Light closed his eyes and walked past L who has now standing again, refusing to stay in this Godforsaken place another minute.

"Light, where are you going?" L's voice sounded tired, as if he was completely over the situation. Light's eye twitched and he didn't even look over his shoulder as he snarled,

"Home, you bastard!" He acknowledged that perhaps it was fate that his cheeks to be forever pink. Frustration and embarrassment clouding his better judgment, Light tramped through various rooms and closets, immediately hit with a mind-numbing fact: he didn't know where the entrance (or rather the exit) of the apartment resided.

_God damnit! I really need to think these things over before I attempt to make a dramatic exit! _Flustered and about ready to cry, Light turned around in the middle of a long corridor. "Damn it, L! How do I get out of here?" He yelled. He obviously didn't know where the raven haired man was but he could practically see the smirk on his insufferable (and grudgingly adorable) face.

"If you have dinner with me, I'll show you where the exit is. You can look on your own but need I remind you: this apartment is over 5,000 square feet with many doors and rooms; you'll be searching for quite a while to find the right one." L's voice seemed to come from many places at once, and the prospect of not leaving made Light shiver in what felt like fear. _No!_ He thought with bitter determination, _I will __**not **__be intimidated by __him!_

"I'm not interested in playing your games, L!"

Nor am I, Light-**kun.**" L used the honorific spitefully, mocking Light in more ways than one. If he could find the man, Light would have punched him. Though, as he was cleverly reminded by his nose, that hadn't worked out very well for him today. Light frowned deeply, wishing more than anything to just be at home with Matt, watching a movie or just cuddling (in the most manly sense), or anything else but being here. _How did I get caught up in a situation like this?_ Light groaned inwardly. He rubbed his temple, his stomach growling involuntarily. He still was quite hungry…

"Fine," he acquiesced, "I'll stay for dinner. But you show me the exit directly after is that understood? Now where's the damn kitchen?"

"Follow the corridor you are in to a two-way junction. Take the left, and follow the smell of pasta and garlic." Light could practically see L's face painted with smug victory. Damn him.

Even so, he began to follow the author's instructions, his anger dissipating when the scent of garlic slapped against his senses. It was accompanied by that unknown nostalgia which Light found common these days, and he welcomed it. It was pungent and savory, high grade and high quality garlic, and it smelled delicious. The scent grew stronger as his legs carried him farther down a dimly lit hallway, opening to a wide white space, the kitchen. The first thing he noticed was L in the middle of the kitchen, his back to the brunette. He was obviously cooking, focusing intensely on a large pot for the spaghetti that was refusing to boil. Light chuckled as he rounded the island to bump L's shoulder.

"You know a watched pot never boils." He leaned up against the counter, feeling oddly at ease.

"Yes I am aware of this Light-kun, but it's just that it is taking far too long and the noodles need to be cooked soon. I'm making quite a bit, I hope you are hungry." Without turning away from the pot, he motioned to a large round table that was placed in a small foyer adjacent to the kitchen. From where he was standing, Light could tell it was already lavishly decorated.

"For now you may choose to sit at the table where we will be dining, or you may choose to stay here and keep me company. Whichever you are comfortable with of course but the latter would be more enjoyable for me." Light could almost drown in the irony and indignation of it all. _He wounds me, knocks me out, won't let me leave, and now he's requesting that I stand here and talk to him? Well… I've always wanted to do this anyway but so far nothing has happened in the way I wanted it to. Still though…_

"I'll stay here." Light decided. He watched the other man's eyes practically light up, so he quickly added, "But let's make this clear, I'm standing here because I want to stand here with you. Not because you simply asked and I complied. Just what kind of guy do you take me for anyway?" L glanced at Light and laughed softly.

"Wow you're stubborn, you weren't always like this." Light unintentionally pouted and looked in a different direction, unable to be either offended or flattered by that comment.

"Are you trying to make something of it?" He grumbled childishly. L smiled, fully turning away from his carefully watched pot to examine the brunette.

"No not at all, I actually think it's quite charming."

Light was definitely caught off guard by this. He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to prevent his heart from beating any faster. _Why is my heart beating so quickly? It isn't like he means anything by all of this right? Oh course I'm charming. I'm Light Fucking Yagami! Everyone loves me, everyone wants to be me. Though if they knew the real me they'd all hate me. Still, this is absolutely foolish._ Yet another blush graced Light's face as he tried not to look at L's. He focused his attention on the water pot that was—surprise, surprise—boiling.

"Your pot is finally boiling." He said flatly, marching over to the other end of the kitchen, away from L's suddenly childlike gaze. If Light became enchanted by those eyes, he would never want to leave; and he definitely wanted to leave.

From afar, he watched L crack the thick bundle of noodles and slide them into the boiling water, letting them soak. He followed the same impatient pattern: stare at pot, poke noodles with a spoon, stir vigorously for a few moments, rinse, and repeat. Stare, poke, stir. Stare, poke, stir. Poke, stir, poke stir. Stir, stir, stir, stiiiirrrrrr...

After a few minutes of watching this, and deciding that his stomach wouldn't receive any sustenance, Light finally stepped in. He rolled his eyes and walked the short distance to L who still had his back to him. Light caught L's hand mid-stir, not even registering the fact that he had pressed the front of his body to L's back.

"You can't keep stirring like that, the noodles will never cook at this rate," Light sighed, unknowingly blowing breath into L's ear. L trembled slightly, making Light cock an eyebrow. "Are you okay? If you don't do anything the noodles will stick to the bottom of the pot." He stepped away and let go of L's hand, walking over to his spot on the kitchen, far from L. L didn't turn, and it was a good thing he didn't. His eyes were pricked with tears of chagrin and reminiscence, none of them falling down his cheeks, but they were those tears that welled up in your eyes and didn't move until you blinked them away.

_Damn it, _L thought through bitter sadness, _I don't need this, I don't want this! Why do my feelings keep making me flustered like this? I wish you were here, Okaasan, you would know exactly what to do in times of indecision. _

L gritted his teeth, taking out his frustration on the lid of an unopened jar of pasta sauce. He popped off the lid with a satisfied grunt, though it did little to satisfy his aggravation. He dumped the sauce into another pot on the stove, adding the appropriate blend of spices and herbs for flavor. He would make this meal delicious if it killed him.

"So Light," L began, trying his hand at small talk, "tell me about Matt. He seems to care for you very much."

Light was taken aback by this a little. He had never had to discuss Matt with anyone before. Usually he would just say he had a roommate and move away from the subject; not purposefully, though it always seemed as such. Where to begin…

"Well, we've been good friends for quite some time. We met—" Light froze in puzzlement. He suddenly couldn't remember where he had met Matt in the first place. It always seemed like they had been friends. Strange.

"At a library," Light covered smoothly, preparing to launch into a well-fabricated lie. "It was a mistake really; I had mistaken him for an employee. Luckily he hadn't been offended; he's always been so facetious and never really cared about anything one way or the other. At the time I had found it incredibly charming. I really do love the guy; we've been through just about everything together. He moved in a few years ago and things have been great ever since." He smiled to himself, even though a tendril of guilt panged in his chest.

"I feel badly though because I think I've been neglecting him lately. I know he's not a shelter puppy or anything and he's never been the clingy type but still, I know he feels lonely. He supports—" Light motioned to him and L with a flourish of his hand, "whatever we are."

"And what would that be, Light-kun?" Another question from left field, will Yagami make the catch?

"I-I'm not sure at the moment," he stuttered, "as of right now, I'm your captive. Though, you're probably one of the most courteous captors I've had. And even though it was your fault that I'm in this mess to begin with, you've taken pretty good care of me. I'll only say this once, but know that I really do mean it. Thank you." Ouch. Clean up on aisle dignity. That had almost been difficult to force out, but there are even exceptions to the impossible. L didn't fully turn but he looked over his shoulder, his gaze casting downward towards the floor.

"Thank you, Light, that means more to me than you know." It has been mentioned before, but Light would be forever pink after tonight. Jeez he's such a girl. Light decided to quickly change the subject.

"So I see all the cookbooks lined up on the counter here," Light said after clearing his throat, "do you like to cook a lot?" L laughed lightly at this, as if remembering some funny memory.

"I love to cook, though I'm not very proficient at it. Spaghetti and sweets are all I can correctly create. Anything else I could want, I ask my butler-slash-manager, Watari. Fantastic chef and manager of my finances, he might be what you would call a double threat." Light didn't even know how to be surprised anymore. Of course L had a butler.

"I see, so where is this Watari character?"

"Making arrangements for me." L's voice suddenly sounded almost…saddened by this. Light frowned.

"May I ask what these arrangements might be?" L put down his spoon. There wasn't a way to say this any louder than a whisper.

"Arrangements…for me to leave. I'm going to England." Light's eyes widened in a mélange of shock, grief, and a wave of crushing disappointment.

"What?" Light choked out, "B-but you just got here didn't you? You can't leave now, if it's what I said about you and wanting to leave, I take it back, just don't—"

"It's not you, Light. I've been here for quite some time, I was just visiting Manhattan. This isn't my main home." An unexpected rush of tears pricked at Light's eyes. _L is…leaving me?_ He waited for another panic attack to take him over, but nothing happened. He must have been too shocked to do anything. L made the wrong decision to take a peek at Light's face. The tears in the brunette's eyes were enough to break his heart. L gritted his teeth and continued. "Please try to understand, you should have known that this day was quickly approaching. I couldn't stay in Manhattan forever." Light could feel his heartbeat start to race. _This…can't be happening. _

"How long will you be gone?" He asked, closing his eyes. He knew doing so wouldn't prolong the answer nor prevent the damage it would do to his heart.

"2 years," L said quietly, his bangs shrouding his eyes. Light glared, biting his lip before he started yelling at the man. He couldn't tell if he was angry or sad or disappointed or all three, but one particular emotion took over him and the tears that had settled in his eyes began to flow.

"2 years? Do you know how long that is, L?" He tried to talk louder but his voice only came out as a hoarse whisper. L was caught off guard by the question.

"730 days." L replied instantly. Light nodded.

"Right. 730 days of me not seeing you; 730 days of not being able to gaze into those eyes that captured me on the first day we met." Light walked the short distance across the kitchen to stand in front of L. With no reservation, he rested his hand on L's cheek. The raven-haired man was forced to stare into Light's eyes. His eyes were also filled with tears, albeit his were unshed. L's cheeks were flushed pink at Light's touch.

"730 days of not being able to see your cheeks blush when I touch you." Light's voice dropped down to a whisper. "I know there's something between us, even if you want to deny it, and I..." For the first time in a long time, he was at a temporary loss for words. Light searched L's obsidian eyes, looking for a hole, a leak, a sliver of weakness in his unyielding gaze. "I don't know if my heart can take it if you leave now. So please…"

L couldn't believe this. Was Light saying that he…needed him? This was all too much, this process was supposed to be easy. He would tell Light he was leaving, Light would say it was for the best, and L would leave. Easy and painless. However, this was different. L hadn't counted on Light forming such an emotional attachment to him. L closed his eyes and forced Light's hand away from his cheek.

"Light, I know how you're feeling. I once loved someone who also had to leave. They left me, without even looking back. It gets worse everyday that I'm away from them but at the same time it gets easier. I liked to entertain myself with notions that he's happier now, but I've been doing nothing but hurting him since I came into his life again recently. Now I'm leaving him again and I feel like… I don't know how to be with anyone without hurting them. I don't want to hurt you, Light."

"But it's not fair, L!" Light tried once again not to yell. The situation was starting to unravel, he could feel it spiraling into the depths of no return. The night wasn't supposed to end like this. Then Light thought of a very important question. His voice dropped into a false calm. "L, when are you scheduled to leave for England?" he asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"In 3 days." L purposefully looked away which made Light's heart sink farther to his toes. 3 days. Light stepped away from the author.

"And when were you planning to tell me all this?"

"…After dinner. I've known for a few weeks and I meant to tell you yesterday. I was planning to visit your apartment until you showed up here and I had no time to prepare—"

"I don't want to hear it," Light cut him off with a raised hand. "You led me on and let me actually think that there was something _happening _between us. I can't believe I was so stupid." His voice was bitter with the hollow coldness that made Light seem like a stranger. Light searched L's face for a moment longer before shaking his head in disappointment and sadness. "I'm leaving. Now."

"The exit is to your right from the kitchen." L said softly, his voice just tired. He couldn't decipher the emotions roiling through his mind but he couldn't believe he was letting Light just…leave, after all this time again. Without another word, Light turned and left in a huff. There was no way he was letting this happen to him again, he would walk out on L before L walked out on him. It was as if everyone he cared about always left him alone in one way or another. Time after time, it was practically textbook and Light should have expected it by now, but he thought L was different.

_For the first time in a while, I was wrong. He's just like all the others. Luring me into that state of false security and then leaving me to fall on my ass. I won't stand for that anymore. I swear I won't regret this, and nothing L could say or do in the world will make me turn back. He can leave, I hope he leaves and never comes back. _Light choked back a soft sob, grimacing as tears stung his eyes and ran down his cheeks. _Damn it, L. I trusted you. I let you in, and this…this is how it ends. Nothing you say will change my mind. _Light was at the door now, angrily slipping his feet into his shoes, if such a thing can be done that way. He gathered his keys, hesitating for a moment as he grabbed the door handle. Could he really just leave?

"L doesn't control me," he muttered through tears, wrenching the door open. He walked out of the apartment and into the chilly Manhattan air. The cars and taxis were muted from where Light stood but that didn't stop him from leaving.

L stood in his kitchen, pacing quickly back and forth. Every few seconds he ran a hand through his hair, holding back tears. _What have I done?_ _I knew I should have told him sooner. I could have avoided this entire situation if I hadn't let my feelings get in the way. Damn it, now Light won't even want to see me again, how am I supposed to be by his side?_ Then, the idea hit him. It was so painfully obvious that L was surprised he didn't think of it sooner. _Would that work? There's only one way to find out…_

With a look of grim determination, L ran through the house and out of his front door that was already open. The frigid air slapped his cheeks but he didn't care. He had to find Light right away. He searched for a few moments before he spotted the brunette furiously trying to flag down a taxi half a block away.

"Light!" L called out frantically, running down the stairs of his building two or three at a time. He had to catch him before it was too late. As he ran closer to Light, he saw the glassy shimmer of tears and regret in the brunette's eyes. Light shook his head as L came closer, turning to run in the opposite direction. L wasn't about to let that happen, Light had to hear what he had to say. Tears streaming down his cheeks now, L leaped forward and grabbed Light's wrist before the other had a chance to leave.

"Let me go, L!" Light yelled and thrashed, violently struggling against the man's grip. His attempts to escape were random and ill-aimed so L didn't get hurt as Light threw out wild punches. "Let me go!" L gritted his teeth, his body trembling as he tried to force out the words that weighed down his heart.

"No Light," he spoke firmly trying not to let his tears make his voice waver. He knew he had to say this now or else the damage would be irredeemable. "I don't want you to leave. I-I love you, Light! And…and I…I want you to come with me!" Light stopped moving. He turned to face L, a look of disbelief and pain in his eyes that could have split L's heart in two.

"What did you say?" Light replied in a hoarse whisper. L hung his head low, his bangs covering his eyes.

"I want you to come with me," he repeated, knowing that what he was saying could never be undone. But if it was necessary to save Light from anymore heartbreak, then so be it.

"Light, you are my life; you're the only thing that I really live for, the only thing I've been living for since the day I met you. I don't ever want to be apart from you. I love you so much more than my own life and…I want you to come with me to England."

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><p><strong>AN: The 'L leaving to England' bit was something that sprang up out of nowhere, and now it's completely taking the story in a new direction, I hope it's a good direction lol. Reviews are much appreciated!**


	10. Flyin' Like a G6

…**I'm going to pretend like this isn't 3 weeks late. Hey everyone! Back with chapter 10, it isn't a very long one but I hope it'll satisfy some of you. It is spring break right now which is a HUGE relief, 9 more weeks until summer. Anyway, enjoy this chapter!**

**Beta: XxHeartlessKissxX**

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><p>This was a bad idea, a bad bad <em>bad <em>idea. L picked at the skin of his lips, wincing when his fingernails dug too deep and the acrid tang of blood splattered on his tongue. He frowned, unable to neither dislike nor savor the taste of it, which frankly made him uneasy.

Three days had passed since he had told Light he would be departing for England. After an angry one-sided argument and a hasty retreat on Light's part, L decided the only way to stay in good graces with the brunette was to invite him to tag along. It really seemed like he was trading one problem in for another and sweeping it under the rug but it was a split second decision. Light didn't even know why L was leaving but nevertheless, he wholeheartedly said yes.

"_I don't know how I know you, but there's been something lingering in my mind that keeps telling me to be with you. I don't care where you go, but by your side is where I think I belong,"_ Light had said that night after the two had talked it over for a few hours.

Light spent the night there as they rationally weighed the pros and cons of the important decision and came to the conclusion that Light would travel with L and they would be living together for the next two years.

It sounded much rasher than it really was, there were interment details that were worked out beforehand, but even so. L closed his eyes, trying to block out the continuous throbbing in his brain that interrupted his thought patterns.

"What have I gotten myself into?" he groaned softly. He was perched on a hard plastic chair in the JFK international airport, just waiting. He ignored the strange looks he received from other pedestrians, twiddling his bare toes as a way to entertain himself for a moment.

Light had yet to arrive, probably repacking for the umpteenth time, saying goodbye to Matt for the umpteenth time, or perhaps he was making sure he didn't forget his 'Don't forget this!' checklist. Their flight was scheduled for departure at 11:46 am, and it was already 11:15. L was beginning to worry. It was practically one of L's fundamental principles to have boarded a plane at least half an hour before its departure. This would allow time and leeway for any problems caused by factors beyond L's control such as traffic and general airport screw-ups.

L dug into his pocket, pulling out the newest iPhone 4-something or other given to him by Elise last Christmas. At the time, L hadn't had the heart to tell her he didn't need the newest technologically advanced cell phone, but he graciously accepted it anyway. His spindly fingers began tapping in his customized 23-digit code, hardly skipping a beat as they danced across the touch screen.

A few seconds later, he was navigating through the address book, searching for Light's name. It didn't take long seeing as though there were only 7 contacts. His thumb hovered over the 'Call Light' button, unsure of whether or not to actually call.

Would it seem pushy or bothersome? Or maybe it would be rude to ask where he was? He wasn't sure; maybe he was over thinking it. Maybe Light had gotten into an accident on his way over and that's why he wasn't there yet? _Oh no. It would be just his luck that he's captured and gang-raped by a bunch of thugs a few blocks from his apartment. They would love to get their filthy hands on someone like him…!_ Just as L was about to frantically hit the green call button, Light's voice rang out over the general buzz of the crowds shuffling by.

"L! There you are, I've been searching for 10 minutes trying to find you!" The brunette ambled through the throng of people, dragging along two rolling bags by the handle. They bumped along behind him and he looked a little frazzled, but no less worse for the wear. And thankfully not gang-raped.

His eyes were bright and excited, ostensibly ready for whatever could be thrown his way. L smiled on instinct, hopping from his chair. He stepped towards Light, unsure of whether or not to hug him or shake his hand. Instead, he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Glad you made it safely, no problems getting to the airport?" L asked carefully. Light shook his head quickly. L looked around Light, curious about his abnormally light baggage. They would be gone for two years, he would definitely need more than those two bags.

"Light, shouldn't you have packed a bit more heavily? We will be gone for quite a while." L asked, slightly concerned. Light looked back and chuckled as about 3 very good looking men, one of them being Matt, clambered through the crowd, carrying multiple bags on each other their arms. L shouldn't have been surprised.

"I meet some of the nicest people in airports," Light winked playfully in a way that made L a little bit jealous. He knew that Light was attractive—hell every man, woman, and blind child could see that—but it made him a little unsettled that men were so willing to help him. In fact, it made him quite jealous.

L frowned and tried to take one of the bags from one of the men trailing after _his _Light, but he frowned and snatched his arm away from L's reach in a way that said 'Don't even try it. There's no way someone like you would ever be with someone like him'. Conceited bastard.

"Well, our flight will be departing soon; I think we should board the plane post haste." L couldn't help but let his irritation show at this point, but Light didn't seem to catch anything but the fact that L was eager to leave.

"Okay!" Light beamed, completely oblivious. L sighed, unable to do anything but smile like a fool; Light's own grin was almost enchanting, not that L would ever say it out loud. Light's smile suddenly faded as he looked back at his redheaded roommate who was purposefully glancing around the terminal at everyone else but the brunette. His eyes were glassy with tears. Light stepped closer to L, out of Matt's hearing range. "L? Would you mind if I said a last goodbye to Matt? He's been pretty torn up about me leaving since I told him," Light murmured. L glanced sadly over in Matt's direction.

It wasn't difficult to imagine how the man must have been feeling; his best friend and roommate of over 4 years was about to be suddenly whisked away by some strange man with little to no explanation. Just like that. Though they would be back in around 2 years, L could imagine how that must feel. He would be separated from Elise for the same amount of time, though he wasn't nearly as torn up about it.

They could email and even face-chat with his new phone, so it would be like they were never apart. For some reason, L got the suspicious feeling that there was more to Light and Matt's relationship than just friendship. His eyes shifted nervously from the redhead to their terminal, and he bit his lip.

"Alright," he sighed finally, "but please do so swiftly." Without another word, Light padded over to his roommate. L watched the exchange with muted interest, cocking his head to the side as Matt began to protest. L was too far away to hear the words being said, but he was a rather proficient lip-reader. 'You don't have to go', Matt had said. L couldn't make out Light's reply because the brunette's back was to him.

Light pulled Matt into a firm embrace, obviously whispering something into the redhead's ear. Matt's face ran through a myriad of expressions, from anger and annoyance to remorse and regret. It settled on sadness as tears began to tumble down his cheeks. Matt never seemed like the one to cry but he didn't seem to hesitate now, even in such a public place.

This lasted for a brief moment until Light drew away, turning to leave. L was about to sigh in relief until Matt suddenly reached out and grabbed Light's wrist, and turned him back around, wrapped his arms around Light's neck, and pulled him into one last sloppy kiss. L's suspicions were confirmed. Light melted easily into Matt, L guessed that it was something that happened frequently; the passion, regrets, and last ember of smoldering lust was palpable even from L's position 40.3 feet away.

L couldn't help the sudden flare of raging jealousy that stabbed at his stomach and the guilt that stirred in his heart area. The twinge of remorse was misguided though, he certainly didn't **force **Light to leave, it wasn't an ultimatum, but it sure felt like he was stealing Light away from Matt and from his former life for his own selfish agenda. L resumed picking at his lips, the jealously stewing in his gut. He wanted to be the only one to kiss Light like that, it wasn't fair that someone got to him first. _Pick, pick. _No one else should even touch him. _Pick, pick, pick. _Not fair, not fair, not fair! _Pick, pick PIC— _

"Ouch, damn it!" L cursed under his breath, tasting blood for the second time. He tried to run his tongue over the micro-wound but winced at the surprising wave of pain that hit him. Within moments of this, Light was finally walking away from Matt, holding his hand until their fingers were gently forced apart. L's jealousy dissipated to all but the tiniest tendril as Light slowly trudged towards him. L could see how Light's new smile was strained this time, his eyes a little too wide and glassy.

"Ok," Light practically chirped, "l-let's go!" L frowned sadly, responsibility and blame crashing down on his shoulders.

"Light," he asked hesitantly, "are you sure you want to leave with me?" Light's reply nearly broke his heart.

"Of course! I'll miss Matt, definitely, but by your side is where I belong, L. Right now, there isn't anywhere in the world I'd rather be." L nodded sadly, upset now at the feelings that plagued him.

"Right then, this way," was all L responded with. With that, L gathered his small carry-on, helping Light through baggage, ready for this day to simply be over.

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><p>"Isn't this exciting?" Light twittered happily. All feelings of sadness disappeared as soon as he got an eye-full of first class luxury. L almost reminded Light that he rode first class every time he traveled by air so it wasn't exciting anymore, but he wouldn't dare burst the brunette's bubble. Light was surreptitiously glancing around the cabin, easily excited by what and whom he saw.<p>

"Ohmygod!" Light hissed softly to L, "we're on the same plane as Mariska Hartigay!" His enthusiasm made L sputter out laughing even though he had no idea whom Light was going on about.

"Who?" L asked, still chuckling. Light's face scrunched up in shock and disbelief.

"Detective Olivia Benson from Law and Order: SVU? Only the best crime show on the USA channel?" He was met by confusion. Light huffed and waved his hand dismissively as he proceeded to turn and peek over the edge of his seat like a five year old. L smiled despite himself, snickering as Light hopped from his chair, trying to disguise his zeal as he went to introduce himself to this on-screen detective.

After getting a good look, L decided that she was rather beautiful, the slight Hungarian features giving her an exotic charm. He watched Light lean against the woman's seat, grinning charismatically. This Mariska seemed to take to Light easily, blushing and touching his arm whenever he made a joke. Keep in mind, the woman looked at least 10 years Light's senior but he had her reduced to putty in his capable fingers. Damn he's good.

During the mind-numbing limbo between boarding the plane and take-off, L usually amused himself by reading, writing ideas for his next big novel series, or people watching. The last was usually the most interesting. Because he had such a non-descript look and no one knew he was actually a famous writer, he was able to study pedestrians and passengers on planes fully and completely. Sometimes, he would take their descriptions and use them in character traits in his books. However, more often than not, he would gaze at the other humans and their oddities. The way people held open doors for each other, the way they picked their noses and stuck it under their seats when they thought no one could see them. But L saw, he always saw.

Eventually, Light returned from his celebrity excursion, just in time for the pilot's voice to sound over the intercom and announce for take-off. Like a puppy after a long day of exploring the world around him (and being nearly as adorable), Light settled down in his cushy airline seat, shifting his bottom to get comfortable. He even clipped his seat belt over his lap. L rolled his eyes, reaching over the brunette and pressing the release on Light's seatbelt. Light looked at him, a confused expression on his face.

"What are you doing?" He asked. "The pilot said we were leaving, shouldn't that mean we should be putting on our seatbelts?" L rubbed his nose and shook his head absently.

"No, Light, you don't need to wear your seat belt." Light studied L's bored face and bit his lip, his brow furrowing. After a long pause, Light finally settled down. He rested his head against the headrest, more or less staring up at the ceiling.

"I apologize if I've been annoying for high-strung today. This is a rare event for me; I've never been on a plane, let alone first class." Light paused, and turned his head towards the author, suddenly sleepy. He smiled. "It's a lot of fun, and I'm glad my first time could be with you." L's eye twitched at the double entendre, his cheeks flushing a soft pink. Despite himself, L smiled gently, reaching over to smooth down a lock of Light's hair that had shifted out of place. Light's eyes closed at L's touch and relaxed his face, a small contented sigh escaping his parted lips.

"Sleep now, Light," L whispered, trying to be comforting, "it's a long flight to London." Light moaned in agreement.

"Thank you for letting me tag along with you. And I'm sorry for…what I said that night, I—"

"Shh," L murmured sadly. He noticed the miniscule tears that glistened on Light's eyelashes. "It's my fault. I should not have angered you in the way I did. I was trying to drive you away on purpose but that wasn't the right thing to do and I'm very sorry." Before the boy could drowsily defend his pride, L pulled Light into him, resting the brunette's head on his chest. Light squeaked in surprise, nearly pushing away until he found that L's chest was actually…quite comfortable. He settled easily and clutched the author's shirt. He turned his face into L's chest and sniffed deeply.

"Mmm…red plums—"

"—and grilled cheese sandwiches," L smiled warmly. Light chuckled, the sound rumbling against L's abdomen, tickling him.

"How'd you know?" Light grinned up at L's face. The raven-haired man rolled his eyes towards the ceiling.

"I get that a lot." He smoothed Light's hair as the brunette finally powered down. His grip loosened and his jaw slackened signaling that he had officially fallen asleep. L just gazed down at Light's face. It was different from when he had been unconscious in L's bed; he looked so peaceful now, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

_This boy—no—this man has changed so much from all those years ago, _L thought to himself, _his mannerisms have changed, his views and feelings have changed as well. Still though, he's just as hotheaded and stubborn as he's always been. He's also cynical, self-centered, stuck up, naïve, amongst other less than savory traits. Though, he can be incredibly sweet and loving and…warm, when it's with someone he cares about._ L stroked Light's hair absently, his lithe fingers feather-light. _And one of those someone's should be me, I would hope._ _I love this man for who he is and I wouldn't change anything about him. If he wasn't a stubborn smart-ass, he wouldn't be Light. My Light._

Without much thought, L leaned down and gently kissed the top of Light's head, nuzzling the soft hair as he reveled in the scent of Light's shampoo. The brunette didn't stir.

As the plane lifted into the air, L leaned his head back against the headrest, always hating the feeling in his stomach upon take-off. Light didn't seem to notice, still sleeping soundly. L didn't know exactly what the next 2 years would bring about, but either way, he hoped that the painful knots in his stomach weren't any indication. He had never felt any attachment, connection, or belief of any sort of God-like figure, but now seemed like a good a time as ever to pray. Peeking up like a shy child, L decided say a few words. He cleared his throat.

"Um, God?" L began awkwardly. "Please make this work. I don't want to lose him again." L couldn't help the way his voice dropped to a hoarse whisper and the way he wanted to suddenly burst into tears, but his eyes stayed dry. As if someone else was guiding him, L clasped his hands together. Though he felt some strong obscure feeling wash over him, he refused to believe that it was due to some alleged deity.

"Just don't take my Light away from me."

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><p><strong>Hope you liked this, going to try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can! Reviews will be lovely, bye guys! <strong>


	11. You're Gonna Like It

**Sorry once again that this is late, I refuse to blame my beta though, and most of it is my fault. I've been feeling so lazy in writing, I have more fun imagining the storyline in my head rather than actually writing it on paper or typing it up^_^;; Nevertheless, here you go, this one is pretty long (in my eyes it is) so I hope you like it!**

**Beta: XxHeartlessKissxX**

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><p><em>Oh my head, <em>Light thought to himself. He currently floated in an awkward limbo between reality and the tantalizingly close dream world. He hadn't opened his eyes and the sounds around him were blurry and muddled.

_I had the strangest dream, I dreamt that I met L Lawliet, and somehow I ended up getting onto a plane with him. I think I was going to England with him which is absurd. To think I would make such a rash decision in such a short amount of time, especially without consulting Matt. Speaking of, I'm sure he'll want to hear all about my dream, it was so vivid! I could feel L and touch him, he even nearly broke my nose which was a bit far-fetched. I remember kissing Matt goodbye—which was pretty incredible by the way—and L and I boarded the plane. I met Mariska Hartigay which was even more incredible, and then I fell asleep on L's lap like a tired puppy. Crazy. But it wasn't real, and I'm sure I'll just open my eyes and get ready for yet another day at my shitty-ass job, come home and have angry sex with Matt, eat, shower, and go to bed. A typical Tuesday… _

"Light." A smooth velvety voice broke Light's concentration, it was familiar and foreign, and had the silkiness of honey dripping on ivory piano keys. Two things that had nothing to do with each other, but you found them beautiful nevertheless.

"Wake up, we have arrived in London." Light's eyes opened as the fog of sleep that hovered over his other thoughts was suddenly burned away. _London!_ The world was turned on its side as Light struggled to gain his bearings, and he pushed himself to a quick sitting position. Soon after, his memories leaked and dripped back into his cerebellum in an easily comprehendible flow. _Right…well then. _He yawned and lifted his arms above his head, arching his back in a luxurious stretch. L breathed out in a whoosh, making Light look over at the man.

"So we made it?" Light groaned happily, "It didn't seem like 8 hours at all!" He slouched back in his chair when his back popped pleasantly. L glanced over to the brunette, his gaze sarcastic and dull.

"Believe me, it absolutely was 8 hours." He deadpanned. Light blinked in confusion but decided not to comment. L quickly changed the subject, his irritation and discomfort soon ebbing away to worry and anticipation. "Well, in a moment, I'm sure one of the stewards will come and let us know when it's time to disembark, I hope you got plenty of rest because it's 4:56 in the morning, your sleeping schedule will be a little muddled for the first few days but you'll soon be adjusted. Britain really isn't all that different from America, a few customs are unusual but most things are more or less the same. It can be easy to get lost thought so just stay with me. I really do love London; the architecture is what drew me to—"

Light listened intently and watched in adoration as the author went on a tangent regarding his love for the city's rich and plentiful history. It was nice to see L talking about something he liked for once; Light was beginning to think that the raven-haired man was growing bored of the brunette's more or less constant chatter. Usually he was quite the hermit, deciding that many others weren't worth the waste of breath to talk to, but he couldn't help himself around L. Words and conversations exploded like a rabid animal from a cage, they came up like vomit. Word vomit.

Anyway, He and Light talked for a few minutes, discussing the city that was to be their home for the next 2 years.

It was about 10 minutes before the pilot sounded over the intercom system, and the entire time, what their actual motive for being there never came up in conversation. Light assumed it was for publicity, something having to do with his books, but he never mused over it for too long.

Once passengers began to shift and gather their things, L stretched his legs and stood up, reaching overhead to grab both his carry-on and Light's. He handed the brunette his bag with a small smile.

"Ready to go? Watari is already waiting for us in the airport." Light grinned, releasing the air in his lungs with a quick breath.

"With you, I'm pretty sure I'm ready for anything." L's smile faltered for a moment before widening, holding his hand out for the boy to take. Light grabbed it, squeezing gently as he lead him out of the plane and to their new life. Light's eyes were bright and his mind was open, ready to tackle anything that happened to come their way.

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><p>Once they were off of the plane, and were both walking around, Light was hit with a sudden need. The men looked at each other at the same instance, and L understood immediately. Light needed to find a bathroom. Quickly. It didn't take very long to actually find one, but clawing through the massive throngs of never-ending pedestrians was exhausting. By the time they reached the entrance to the restroom, Light was about to wet himself. Still, his pride would never allow him to soil his pants again after what had happened the last time. L was amazing through this; he created a quick distraction that allowed Light to sneak past the enormous waiting line.<p>

It wasn't a complicated process from that point, though because Light's general prude approach, he had a difficult time touching handles and flushing, not wanting to dirty his hands with foreign germs. There was even one man, probably French, which went at a urinal, and just walked out without washing his hands. Then Light had to deal with a few Europeans who were constantly staring at his ass. It was disgusting.

He wanted to say he was fully taken, but he decided not to waste his time. They weren't worth it. Plus, Light honestly didn't know if he was actually 'taken' or not, which made him even more upset. With his face twisted unpleasantly, Light actually scampered from the germy breeding ground, and back to L.

The author was waiting not too far from the bathroom entrance, waving his hand to signal to the brunette. He was standing with someone now. He was older gentleman, about in his late sixties to early seventies; his short, cleanly cut hair was peppered with plenty of white and gray. He wore a sleek black pinstripe suit that looked to be made of the finest quality silk, along with a very English looking bowler hat tucked neatly close to his chest respectfully. It looked like his eyes were closed but Light could tell he was staring right at him in a way that made Light squirm unnervingly. Something about this man's appearance made Light stop and stare.

He felt as if he had met this man before, somewhere in his life. Had he been a customer at the diner? Someone he met at a bookstore perhaps? Light couldn't tell but he knew this man. It was the same feeling he felt…whenever he looked at L. The memory that danced tantalizingly at the edge of his mind, just a fingertip away from connecting to the overall scheme of why his life ended up the way it did. Either way, Light tried not to needlessly panic, keeping a calm composure as he approached the two men. The older man spoke.

"It's nice to meet you, Light, my name is Quillish Wammy. I'm L's manager, butler, and caretaker for all intents and purposes." He had a deep British accent that was comfortably tolerable; his voice was slightly gravelly, his vocal cords worn from age. By the way his thin lips turned up in a smile, Light could tell the man had a sense of humor. The brunette smiled in return, holding his hand out for Quillish to shake. The other man took it, and Light waited for the jolt of electricity that he had found almost normal at this point from L, but it never happened as they shook hands.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wammy; L has told me a thing or two about you. All pleasant things of course, he thinks quite highly of you." The old man's smile widened and L rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

"Well, I have the limousine running in the valet; shall we go then?" Quillish motioned to the airport entrance with a courteous sweep of his hand, and L bobbed his head in agreement.

"Of course," he said with a smile before turning to me. He held out his hand to the brunette. "Ready Light?" Light grinned, much more than ready. He took L's hand and intertwined their fingers and looked back into the author's eyes. He searched for any hint of doubt, any glimmer that might reveal that this would be the wrong choice to make. There was nothing. Light felt relief flood through him as L squeezed his hand, the electricity humming pleasantly between their fingertips. Right at L's side was where he belonged, and nothing would be changing that for a long time.

"Yeah."

* * *

><p>Their new condo was nothing short of brilliant: High ceilings, intricate crown and floor molding, pristine marble countertops, and thousand dollar furniture in all 7 rooms. Light was absolutely captivated.<p>

After saying their temporary good-bye's to Watari, L and Light padded up drowsily to their new home. It was very late, around 6 am now, but Light was exhausted and L was ready to collapse. The raven-haired man dropped his jacket on a couch in the living room, quite literally kicking off his shoes. He hadn't bothered to turn the main lights on so the shoes flew into oblivion down a hallway.

Light blinked as he padded into the kitchen, the low blue ambient lights on the stove and under the countertops, they were bright enough to where Light could see where he was going, but low enough to where they didn't hurt his eyes. The kitchen was more or less empty, a few spice jars on the island, probably for decoration. He shuffled to the refrigerator, opening the stainless steel double doors. It was empty, but definitely held promise; the holding capacity was enormous. He suspected the freezer down below was one of those sub-zero freezers, an expensive one, absolutely nothing less for L.

Light felt a giddy shiver shoot down his spine as he imagined going out food shopping with L, and going out to dinner, filling the refrigerator with food and memories, no matter how small. They would cook together and eat together, always being there for each other. Light slid on his rose-tinted glasses and slipped into his all exclusive Light Yagami fanboy land, his mind wandering off on an unrealistic tangent of love and butterflies.

"Light, are you prepared for bed?" L groaned in a drowsy stupor from the couch, snapping Light from his trance.

"Uh, yes," Light called out, closing the fridge. "Where is my room?" L flicked on a lamp in the living room, illuminating more of their condo, though Light was too tired to notice it now. L motioned down the hall lazily, yawning widely.

"Down the hall, third door on the left past the bathroom. It's directly across from mine." L covered his mouth and stood up. "Speaking of, I think I'll head there now. I apologize about not being able to entertain you right now or be of much company, but to be honest I'm exhausted." L let out a sound that was half way between a laugh and a groan. Light nearly went limp in relief, swinging around the counter to the main living room.

"I thought you'd never say that, I am about to fall asleep on my feet." He smiled and didn't waste any time in heading down the unlit hallway to his room. Light didn't think about the fact that he didn't have any of his luggage until he opened the door to his room and saw his favorite pair of underwear and pajamas on his cleaning folded bed. He shook his head in disbelief, turning on a bedside lamp and opening one of the drawers in the armoire across the room.

All of his un-hangable clothes were crisply folded; even his socks looked like they had been ironed and—had they really?—they were pinned together in pairs so they wouldn't get lost in the washing machine. He hadn't even pinned them when he packed them which was incredible. "Damn, how did they even do it?"

Light didn't know who 'they' were, but he was thoroughly impressed. This didn't last long though as sleep began to win the battle in Light's mind. Quickly but with fumbling fingers, Light unbuttoned his shirt and undid his belt buckle, shimmying out of his pants. Standing in his underwear, he couldn't help but catch his own eye in the reflection of the full body mirror on the wall behind him.

The soft lighting bounced off of the muscles that rippled beneath his caramel skin. He did a full turn, admiring his calves and triceps. His ass was rock hard which didn't hurt either. Light chuckled, rubbing his hands along his abs. Damn he was _sexy_.

L felt like a pervert, peeking through Light's cracked door like this. It was wrong, it was disgusting, it was…was he looking at himself in the mirror? _Oh my Lord, having a body like that should be criminal. Let me be the first one to arrest him, I would be the one to administer some well-needed punishment… WHAT?_ L's eyes grew wide and his cheeks flushed. His mind was spinning and his thoughts were in a jumble, the sleep deprivation was getting to him, that was it. He shook his head, grinning despite himself. There was no way L could do something like that, he wasn't even a cop!

He closed his eyes and turned away from the door and went to his bedroom, shutting the door with a muted click. There wasn't any room for that kind of thinking in this kind of relationship, if there even was a relationship. L didn't know at this point. It was too early to be thinking about sex, Light wasn't that kind of man. _I wish he was though, _L couldn't stop the thought from flitting through his brain. He didn't try to stop it. It had been, how long now? Almost 25 years? L had gone that long without sex. He was still a virgin and nearly 30 damn it! As refined and reserved as he was, L still definitely had urges. He was always by himself (Elise didn't count) and he needed some ass! Some Light Yagami ass would be preferred.

L clapped twice, the lights turning of, as he fell backwards onto his bed with a huff. His body began to power down, his toes and legs immediately going comfortably numb. The calming sensation crept up his arms and torso before swallowing his head and neck. He didn't bother to remove his clothes or climb under the sheets. The room was warm enough anyway, and Light was safe, hopefully resting peacefully now. No panic attacks in the near or far future as long as they were close to each other. L still didn't know why Light was here, the only reason L was in England was to spend some time at Wammy's House, and to start writing his next book.

It was supposed to be a sort-of vacation, spending some down time at his home and with his family. If he and Light were to return to Wammy's together, who knows if that will trigger some sort of memory recovery. And if that were to happen, what would become of Light's view of L? It would ruin them.

_I suppose I could ask Light to stay around town while I go to the house…no, knowing him he'd get into some sort of trouble with a gang or something. Just like in America, the gangs and thugs around here would just LOVE to get their hands on Light, no. He needs to just stay with me. Besides, who else is going to show him where the good places are to shop and eat? Some of the food here is just God awful. And I doubt Watari will want to cook 3 meals a day for 2 years. I CAN'T TAKE LIGHT TO WAMMY'S HOUSE—! _

L closed his eyes tightly, trying to clear his mind. All this needless stress was going to give him angina* and even higher blood pressure.

"I'm getting too tired. I need to rest and just think clearly," L moaned softly, "think about scalene triangles, differential equations and old wrinkly raisins. Red plumbs and…grilled cheese sandwiches."

* * *

><p>The next morning, Light woke feeling incredible rested. The shades were open and the sounds of the British folks a few stories below trickled through his window. He sat up in bed, lifting his arms in a stretch.<p>

The first thought that flew into Light's mind was the current time. He always woke up promptly at 8 am. What time was it now? He glanced over to see if his clock was on the bedside table—it was of course. He turned it around to look at the time, and his jaw nearly hit the floor. Not only had be overslept, but it was nearly 1 in the after noon. He missed 5 hours of the day. He was supposed to call Matt at 9!

"Damn it!" Light hissed, whipping the sheets off of his body and clambering out of bed. He stripped out of his pajamas in record time and scrambled to the closet. It wasn't actually a closet, but an honest to God mahogany wardrobe. Light picked the first things that he saw which were a light gray v-neck shirt, and a blue and white striped cardigan. A pair of low rise khakis completed his polished look and he looked in the mirror. His hair was actually in pretty good shape, he would shower tonight anyway. He checked his breath by breathing into his hand and smelling. His nose nearly shriveled up and fell off; his breath smelled awful.

Light made his bed, folding the sheets back at his preferred angle, before quickly trotting down to the bathroom. No doubt his toothbrush and paste were already resting in a drawer. He opened the door to a bathroom that was nearly a replica of the one L had in his Manhattan condo. The only difference was that everything was a sterile white. Light found a drawer placed under a lit mirror and pulled it open.

Surprise, surprise, all of his things were waiting for him. He turned around to the tub—even his hair products were lined up in the edge, arranged by serial number.

He brushed his teeth carefully and completely, being sure not to miss a tooth. After a quick swish with mouthwash, Light used a dry shampoo to remove some of the greasy sheen from his hair and brushed it to perfection. He would be making a first impression on an entire country, looking flawless would be especially important. He went through the rest of his usual morning routine, moisturizing his face and straightening his clothes before walking out into the kitchen.

It looked even more impressive than before, the impossibly high ceilings didn't leave him feeling claustrophobic, and there was a skylight that poured sunshine into the kitchen and the living room. For the time being, there was no need to turn on any lights. Light padded towards the fridge but suddenly remembered that there wasn't any food inside. His stomach snarled in protest. Light frowned and glanced around the room, and his eyes fell on a slip of paper on the island. His curiosity piqued and he reached to grab it. A smile turned up his lips as he realized it was from L. It was written in his elegant script.

_Light,_

_I have gone into town with Watari for food shopping. You were sleeping soundly so I did not wish to wake you. We should be back by 1:30 pm, please don't leave the house._

_Be safe,  
>L<em>

Light looked at the clock on the microwave. It was already 1:10, only 20 minutes to go; he could entertain himself until then. There was an enormous flat screen after all, and there were probably other things in the house as well, but Light wasn't up to exploring.

He swungdeftly around the kitchen's bar and walked the short distance to the living room, and sat down on the couch cautiously. The white furniture looked like it attracted dirt and grime so Light tried not to let his fingers touch the fabric.

Luckily, the remote (or what Light thought was the remote) was on the cushion to his left, sitting lazily in the sunshine. It looked like an iPad, and after picking it up, Light discovered that, in fact, it was one.

It was specifically modified to be used as a remote control. A single blue app hovered on the black screen, pulsating blue light out around it. Light tapped it and the screen came alive in a flash of brilliant colors, bringing him to a welcome screen saying 'speak a command'. Light grinned.

"Turn on the television," he commanded in his most imperial voice. The flat screen across the room jumped to life, showing a myriad of British channels, none of which Light deemed interesting at first glance. "Any American channels?" Light muttered more to himself than to the remote. The TV screen rearranged itself automatically.

"How are these?" A mechanical voice sounded around the brunette and he smiled in pleasant surprise as his favorite channels began to materialize, the Food Channel in particular.

"The Food Channel, please," Light spoke loudly.

"Of course," the voice replied, clicking it. Someone Light didn't recognize was cooking some sort of ravioli dish. It was interesting so Light set down the remote and crossed his legs, letting his mind slip from clarity and into the show.

It only seemed like a moment later when he heard the sound of a key turning in a lock at the front door. Like a puppy, Light cocked his head and looked towards the door with a smile on his face. The door swung open and L appeared, carrying bags of groceries in each arm. He had kicked the door open with his foot and was teetering as he tried to keep his balance. Light hopped up from his seat and rushed to L's side, taking one of the bags from his hands. L sighed in relief.

"Thank you, Light," he smiled, grunting as he adjusted the only bag in his arms. "Sleep well?" Light frowned.

"A little too well, I overslept by 8 hours," he grumbled, "I wanted to go shopping with you." One of Light's dreams was already out of the question in less than 24 hours. But there would be other chances he suspected. L chuckled as he walked to the kitchen and set his bag on the island. A baguette and an onion fell out but L picked them up.

"You still can, I'm actually planning to go out clothes shopping today too." He looked down at himself, wearing the same white t-shirt and baggy jeans. Yes, he definitely needed to buy some new clothes. With all the money he had, one would think he would have an extensive wardrobe. Light dropped his bag on the counter, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling.

"Well I wasn't going to say anything but…" L swatted him good-naturedly.

"Point taken. I expect that you're quite hungry so this is what I am thinking; We'll go into town, get something quick for lunch, shop until around 5:30, and then have a proper dinner. How does that sound?" Light nodded, his stomach growling again.

"Definitely sounds like a plan," he said seriously, "let's go."

"L, what do you think about this?" Light asked hopefully, holding up an olive colored button down. Okay, so it wasn't one of his best finds, but his fashion sense was suffering due to lack of food. When L said a quick bite to eat, he meant it. They shared an order of fish and chips (which Light loved by the way, not as much flavor as he was used to, but it was British) and that was all.

That was all Light had to eat over the course of almost 3 days. The main reason for that was because he was too high-strung and nervous to eat, but now his stomach was about to shrivel up and wither away. L hardly glanced up.

"No," he replied before burying himself in a sales rack. Light's expression fell. They had been at this for over 3 hours. _3 hours! _4 entire stores and L couldn't fine 1 item of clothing that he liked even a little bit. Light was ready to crack. He looked around the venue, frantically searching for something, anything that L might like. _No, that's too flashy, nope, too pink; nah, too much fur—that's it! _Light's eyes fell on a sales mannequin. It was perfect, the clothes not the mannequin. A simple white v-neck with a pair of dark wash straight legged jeans and a vintage-looking leather jacket. L already wore a white shirt, the jeans weren't much of a stretch, and the jacket was…perfect. L would love it.

Once again full of hope, Light called the author over. He walked over to where Light was standing, and studied the mannequin. Light held his breath as L was about to reply. _Come on, come on…_

"No," L said simply, turned on his heel, and walked away. Light felt his eye twitch. What…?

"B-but, L, this would look great on y—"

"I said no thank you, Light-_kun." _Oh hell no. _**Hell **_no. That was the last straw. In a flash of anger, Light snatched the clothes off the mannequin, pants and all, to the amusement of other shoppers, as he wrestled to remove the jeans from the plastic figurine.

He squashed his chagrin for the good of L's potential wardrobe as woman tittered around him, and marched over to where L had resumed shuffling through racks. Not even looking back, Light snatched the older man by the collar. He began to drag the author behind him by the shirt as L stumbled backwards, trying to keep up.

"Light, let me go!" he thrashed against the brunette's iron grip as he struggled to stay on his feet. Light refused to slow down as he charged towards what appeared to be a dressing room.

"Quiet, L," Light hissed, "you're causing a scene!" For onlookers, the situation was quite comical. Light was like an enraged mother dragging her spoiled and screaming child by the collar. The only twist was that the child was a full grown man.

Once they were finally near the dressing rooms, Light let go of L and shoved him into the small space and slammed the door, away from prying eyes. He stood with his back against the door preventing the other man's escape.

"Light, let me out of here this instant, this is childish." L huffed, straightening his clothes. Light narrowed his eyes and held up the new garments in his hand, shaking them in L's face.

"No. We've been to 4 stores and you've rejected _every single_ piece of clothing I've offered you, and I am sick of it. I'm tired and very hungry, I want you to look nice, and this would look amazing on you so you're going to try it on right now and you're going to like it goddamnit!" Light was practically yelling by the end, his breathing was rough and haggard from being hot and bothered. L, however, was starting to become hot and bothered for a completely different reason.

Seeing Light so angry and raw like this was definitely turning L on. The younger man was obviously upset and L's levity wouldn't be appreciated but he couldn't help it. He wanted to try something that would either turn the situation from bad to worse, or could land L with the first scrumptious taste of Light Yagami ass. The latter was definitely preferred. L narrowed his eyes.

"And who is going to make me? You, Light-kun?" That was it. After that comment, everything happened all at once. With an enraged growl, Light rushed forward, crushing his lips to L's in an angry kiss full of so much raw emotion that it made L shiver in excitement. He opened his mouth wider to accommodate Light's demanding tongue, trying not to laugh as the brunette groped at the hem of the author's shirt.

In one fell swoop, Light pulled L's current white t-shirt over the raven's head and tossed it to the floor. L hardly had the time to make a snide remark before Light was upon his chest, attacking it with hot kisses and bites. L couldn't help the moan that escaped through his clenched teeth as Light suddenly ground their erections together and L bucked his hips instinctively.

Light smirked and decided that now was a good time to be sneaky while L was distracted. He let his tongue travel up the length of L's neck, relishing the undignified pants that poured from his mouth despite the efforts to stay silent. There was no way that he would have noticed as Light slipped on the new v-neck over the author's head. Next, those baggy unfitting jeans needed to go. Light's hands glided over the smooth skin of L's stomach and he lifted the new shirt to ravage the skin above L's belt buckle.

"Light," L hissed, "I know what you're trying to do and it won't wo—HAH!" He ground his teeth when Light's cold fingers slipped down his pants and wrapped around his hardening member. L tried not to moan or show weakness, which would only prove to Light that all he had to do was give L a hand job and he would always have his way.

"Is it working now?" Light whispered gruffly, biting down on the skin of L's stomach. The author growled under his breath, knowing it would definitely leave a mark. Light chuckled and yanked L's pants down, letting them pool around his ankles. He kissed a quick trail downward, having to get down on his knees to put himself at eye level with L's throbbing cock. Light almost took it too far, he nearly lost his incentive, his reason for this embarrassing display. Still though, he did enjoy it, seeing the usually dignified author squirming and panting was enough to drive him mad; he would save the rest of this situation for a later date.

In order to get L out of his pants, Light stood abruptly and returned his attention to L's lips, pressing their bodies together again. He pushed the older man backwards a few steps against the dressing room's wall, forcing L to step out of his pants. _So far everything is going exactly as planned, _Light thought darkly to himself. L wrapped his arms around the brunette's neck, rapidly and unexpectedly pulling the pair to the floor in a heap of limbs and clouded lust. For Light, it made everything that much easier.

Because it seemed to drive the author insane, Light decided to focus on L's neck while his nimble fingers clutched at the new pair of jeans and began the arduous task of getting them onto L's legs without the other man noticing. To Light's surprise, it really wasn't all that difficult once he began to bite and suck on L's vulnerable neck, that sent the man into throes of unexpected ecstasy; not enough to orgasm, but just enough to make him blissfully unaware that he was being redressed.

Light was practically holding in laughter as he re-zipped and re-buckled the new jeans onto L's hips. He gave L's neck one more nip before stopping everything. This sudden cessation made L moan to Light's pleasant surprise. It was so pleading and hoarse that it almost made Light want to have him right then and there, but now wasn't the time.

"All right, get up," Light grunted, hauling himself to his feet. He looked down at L's confused and sexually flustered expression. The older man was panting and flushed, beads of sweat clinging to his forehead.

"W-what?" He stuttered. Light didn't say anything, but instead extended a hand out to the author.

"Look in the mirror," he grinned. L scowled and pushed Light's hand out of the way, his legs wobbling slightly as he got to his feet. He faced the long mirror, trying to be upset about what he saw. He actually looked quite amazing, the jeans hugged his hips comfortably and the dark wash was a subtle contrast against the soft white v-neck. That too was nice, it was fitted compared to his previous baggy shirt, and made him look like a man worth looking at. He twisted his torso to stare at his behind.

"Well I'll be damned," he muttered to himself. Light smiled smugly, draping his arms over L's shoulders.

"What did I say? I told you that you would love it. Here, put the jacket on too," Light stooped over and grabbed the leather jacket and handed it to L. The author slipped into it without protest, adjusting it appropriately.

It was vintage and the leather was incredibly soft, which was probably why it was almost $300. Though, to him money was but printed paper, much like his novels. He didn't care. Besides, if it made Light happy, or even made him smile, L would buy or do anything.

"I can't believe it but I actually love it," he said plainly, cringing inwardly at the next words, "you were right." Ouch. Light looked like he would burst with laughter any moment.

"What was that?" He taunted, beaming. L rolled his eyes and swatted at the younger man.

"Don't make me repeat myself, my pride is damaged enough already. I already said I would buy it. I should probably change back into my regular clothes—"

"No," Light cut him off, looking down at L's butt, "wear them out of the store. You have a nice ass." Light pinched his butt and winked, making L yelp and swat the other man again. With one last look, Light unlocked the dressing room door and walked out, leaving L alone. L narrowed his eyes after a moment before shutting them and leaned his back against the wall.

This was beginning to be too much.

Even though this was exactly what he wanted, he didn't think it would leave him like this: sexually frustrated and panting like an animal that can't control itself. Light tricked him and teased him, L was supposed to be the dominant one in this relationship! Besides, if Light was going to do this, he could have at least brought L to climax.

His erection was still straining against his new jeans but he couldn't do anything about it when Light was bound to check in any moment.

Damn it, Light would have to pay for this; punishment would definitely be in order, but at a later date. L's mind suddenly hopped on a bullet train that led him to a dreamland of whips, handcuffs, and Light screaming his name in ecstasy. He ground his teeth and covered his mouth with his hand and biting down so that he wouldn't scream.

* * *

><p><em>*Angina means (simply) chest pains. <em>_Pressure, heaviness, tightening, squeezing, and aching across the chest._

**Hope you enjoyed it, I wasn't in the mood of putting a lemon in this chapter, besides I wouldn't want L and Light's first to be in a dressing room. Not for this story anyway ;D So I hope you liked it, working on chapter 12 as we speak! Reviews definitely appreciated!**


	12. He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

**So...hey guys,**

**Guess who's finally back?! I realize it has been months and months and months, but this time I promise I'm back for good. I sincerely hope there are still people who follow me and this story, because I want to finish it. I'm sorry for being gone for so long, but I hope this more or less makes up for some of it! More later but for now, I'm just happy that I can post more again.**

* * *

><p>Light, put simply, was happy. He proved his point and made L sexually frustrated which made Light want to giggle. Actually<em> giggle. <em>Currently he was shuffling through clothes racks, not really looking at the clothing on the hangers. Women and men tittered around him but he ignored it, shaking his hips in time to 'Sexy Back' as he hummed it out loud. L had yet to come out of the changing room, and Light was growing impatient and extremely hungry. Perhaps his delirium and food deprivation led him to act the way he did, but for the strangest reason, Light didn't care. It hadn't even been a full day and Light's schedule and way of being was already shifting.

He didn't shower last night like he normally would have, and he hadn't even picked out his clothes for the next day before falling asleep. Now he practically assaulted L in a public dressing room? England must be like a poison for people like him, affecting his sense of normalcy with its perpetually rainy weather and attractive accents… His attention shifted when he spotted L's inky mess of hair. The author tried to make as little eye contact as possible as he heard the pedestrians talking around him. He walked up to Light, scowling.

"Now that you've had your fun, may we depart? I'm sure you're quite hungry and I am as well." He shuffled his weight from foot to foot, adjusting his new leather jacket awkwardly. Light smiled and nodded, grabbing L's hand despite the momentary protest.

"Of course, I'm about to pass out due to malnutrition. Lead the way to the nearest restaurant." With that, they headed to check out, earning strange looks from the cashier when L wanted to wear his outfit out of the store. She glanced over to the now naked mannequin and stifled a laugh as she rung up the total. L frowned in chagrin and Light's fingers squeezed around the author's hand, refusing to let go. After all, L looked cuter when he blushed.

"Thank you!"

It took all of Light's self-control to not start stuffing his face with the food spread before him. He and L had just barely made it to one of L's preferred restaurants before it had started pouring, a restaurant named 'Dolce', and Light had ordered the largest steak they offered. Weighing in at about one and a half pounds, Light's eyes were much smaller than his stomach. The waiter walked away, slightly concerned for the brunette's mental state as he salivated at the plate of food. Light peeked up at L once for conformation before cutting through his meal. Being Light, he systematically cut the steak into quadrants, and then began to cut each quadrant into bite-sized cubes for orderly consumption. Typical.

L smiled at the boy and picked at his own meal: a humble Caesar salad with very little croutons and parmesan cheese. He decided that now would be an appropriate time to discuss their future plans. After pouring himself a glass of wine from the bottle that had been resting in an ice bath on their table, L cleared his throat. Light looked up, but didn't stop eating.

"So Light," L began, "I think it's time that we decide our plans on how to make the next 2 years operate as smoothly as possible." Light nodded maturely in response so L continued. "Unfortunately for the first 6 weeks I'll be commuting rather frequently from work to our apartment so we may not get many nights to see each other or eat dinner together." Light frowned a little at this.

"May I ask what exactly is so important?" he said, a little disappointed.

"It's necessary," L said, more sternly than he had meant to. The brunette blinked and nodded after a moment of consideration. "Anyway, after I get those loose ends tied up, we can actually do what you want or go wherever you want. I only needed to be in England to visit my main…headquarters for lack of a better term; I tend to get my best writing done there. It's where it all started after all." L smiled, and Light grinned in return, unexpectedly reaching across the table to grab L's hand.

"Like I've already said, wherever you go, I'll be right there with you. Besides, 6 weeks out of 2 years won't bother me a great deal." Light smiled and L felt his chest tighten. He really didn't deserve someone like this. Nevertheless, he continued to lie to and deceive the man he loved.

"Glad to hear that, Light." L replied, not sure what else to say on the subject. "But I have to warn you, I might be gone for a day or two at a time depending on what I have to do, or who I have to meet that day. I also might not be available to be called or contacted during parts of the day. Even so, I promise I will make time call you every single day that we are apart at noon to check up on you and just to hear your voice. I just want to get this out of the way so that you don't end up getting lonely or angry with me. Of course I'll make sure that Watari will be on call for you; he can drive you anywhere you would like or cook for you, anything you can think of he can make it happen." Light had returned to eating and was easily taking in all of this information; he didn't seem particularly surprised by what was being said.

"I expected that you would be quite busy, I'm sure I can find plenty of things to keep myself busy in this enormous city. I'm not the helpless child you seem to think I am." Even though Light was joking, L still couldn't help but be worried. What if Light had a panic attack and L wasn't there to calm him down? _He'll be fine, L, you always let yourself imagine the worst scenarios. _Right, right, everything would be just fine.

"Whatever you say, Light. In any case, this goes into effect tomorrow morning and I'll be leaving early so be prepared." Light rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Well then I'll be up before sunrise to see you off, and to make sure you eat breakfast. Can't have you writing or working on an empty stomach can we?" L shook his head in bewilderment and Light frowned. "What is it?" _I don't deserve you, Light…_L looked up and smiled, squeezing his fingers around the brunette's hand gently.

"Nothing. It's nothing."

The next morning was tough on Light, his sleep schedule was still in complete disarray but he had promised to make sure that L got to work okay. He quite literally rolled out of bed at 5:00 am, though L was wide awake, already in the kitchen making coffee before Light could even brush his teeth and hair. Light stumbled into the barely-lit kitchen, trying to put on a smile for the author's sake. They were together for a while until Watari rang the doorbell, signaling that it was time for L to leave. It was a quick and hasty goodbye, but Light wasn't exactly worried. He was far too tired to worry. Once L was gone, and the sun had already risen, Light decided that it was already too late to go back to sleep, and there was really only one thing that could fully wake him up now: coffee. The thought in his mind, he got dressed and went through his morning routine before heading out. The streets were a lot less disorienting in the daytime, everyone looked more or less normal, but as expected, the roads were swapped. Coming from America, the world's melting pot, no one was surprised at the fact that there was a Japanese man walking down the street. The reason why they were staring was for a completely different reason.

His skin hummed in pleasure when he felt the admiring stares from pedestrians walking down the sidewalk; he lived for that feeling. Light would never tell anyone but he got a slight high from the random attention he attracted from strangers. He knew he was hot, and he loved the fact that others appreciated his amazing physique. That mindset may have been a bitter side effect from his prostitution days, a period in his life that he wanted to wipe from his memory.

There was a coffee shop down the street that Light recalled seeing as they drove into town a few days ago. Now that it was daylight, it looked incredibly inviting. Light enjoyed a cup of coffee from time to time, and it would give him a distraction for at least a few minutes. He began walking and within minutes he was on the stoop of the coffee shop. He pushed the door open; It swung open with a tinkling welcome bell, and Light was immediately hit with the smell of freshly percolating coffee and homemade scones. The space was rather small, enough for about 3 tables and a few loveseats scattered throughout the café. At most, only 15 customers could fit at a time, making it extremely cozy. Aged and dark-washed woods were used for the interior, from the floor to the chairs, to the crown molding, giving the store a quaint charm. People chatted quietly from their seats and Light couldn't stop the peaceful smile on his face as he took a spot in line.

Light put his hands in his pockets and began scrutinizing the rustic architecture, his fingers brushing against a slim square of plastic. It was one of L's many credit cards, an omnipresent reminder of L's support and complete trust. Light's fingers wrapped around the card, silently praying that the next 6 weeks would fly by.

"Ah, damn it," the person in front of him cursed under his breath, digging into his own pockets and turning them inside out. They were empty. The cashier frowned impatiently as he waited for the man to pay up, but it seemed like he was out of money. Light watched on for a few moments, feeling a mélange of embarrassment and pity for the other man, before finally doing the right thing and taking the card from his pocket and tapping the man on the shoulder and leaning around him.

"I've got you." Light smiled warmly, not really looking at the man before sliding the card on the counter, winking at the female cashier who was actually trying not to swoon. The girl blushed deeply but rang it up easily. The man turned to Light, smiling in chagrin.

"Thank you, but that really wasn't necessary." Light shook his head.

"It's no problem." He looked at the man's face and was pleasantly surprised at what he saw. The man was at least 23, with a smooth face and angular jaw line. He had jet black hair, a bit like L's with the exception that it was longer and layed in sweeping layers around his very attractive face. His smoky charcoal colored eyes were framed by a pair of sharp, sophisticated glasses. _Wow this man is quite…handsome. _The thought flitted through his mind before he could catch it and Light blinked, stepping back a foot, praying that the man wasn't telepathic. _Highly improbable, Light, telepathy doesn't even exist. And even if it did, it would require a massive amount of brain power which, come on, I would be able to do it already. *metal facepalm*. _

"Well, is there anything I can do to repay you? I would like to pay you back for the 2 pounds. Oh, my name is Mikami, Teru Mikami." Mikami reached out his hand and Light shook it, subconsciously waiting for the now common nip of electricity he felt when he and L touched, but there was nothing but smooth flesh. It was a little disappointing but absolutely inviting.

"I'm Light Yagami. Do you live around here?" After letting go, Light slipped his hand pack into his pockets, wrapping his fingers around L's card again.

"Yes actually, I've been living in London for as long as I can remember, I frequent this coffee shop on my way to work. Today is one of my few days off." Mikami sipped at his coffee and Light shifted his weight from foot to foot, about to take a very large and perhaps presumptuous leap.

"In that case, I have a way you can pay me back. I'm going to be living here for a while and I have no idea where anything is in this city. If it isn't too much trouble, it would be nice if you could show me around." His tone was hesitant, as to not border on being rude. Mikami could refuse if he wanted, he could easily say no and walk away and Light wouldn't feel bad about it. After all, the request was a bit pushy considering they had never met. Still, Light was very surprised at Mikami's next words.

"Of course, whatever you want to do, your wish is my command, Raito-sama." Light thought the knight-of-the-round type bow that followed was a bit much, and the fact that his man used the Japanese pronunciation of his name along with that honorific was strange; but he was still flattered. Mikami chuckled at the brunette's confused and frankly weirded out expression. "Too much?" Light nodded, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yes. How about you just call me Light?" Mikami smiled charmingly in a way that made Light forget how potentially strange this man could be. There was something about that determined gleam in his eye that made Light uneasy yet curious to learn what went on inside his mind.

"Of course. I suppose I was getting a little carried away." Teru chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "At any rate, shall we go? London awaits us." Once again, it could have been easy for Light to just walk away from this man and forget about the 2 pounds. He could have kept the fact that L cared for him and trusted him in mind and not get tangled with Teru Mikami. But still, 6 weeks would be a long time without any sort of real company. It wasn't like Light could ever forget his feelings for L just because someone new came into his life, no matter how marginally attractive this new man was…

"Lead the way."

* * *

><p>"Wow, I cannot believe how amazing that restaurant was!" Light practically gushed. Mikami had been showing the brunette everything about the city, from typical tourist attractions to hole-in-the-wall stores and locations that could only be known by locals. Light wouldn't admit it, but he was actually having a decent time. They had been talking all morning and Light was surprised to find out that they had much more in common than he initially suspected.<p>

As it turns out, Mikami was a Prosecuting lawyer and had graduated at the top of his class at Cambridge University. This man was very smart. And he seemed to be a tad obsessive compulsive which Light could identify with. Mikami was a germaphobe, which was a trait very close to his own heart. The raven haired man carried sanitary wipes and hand sanitizer in his coat pocket and used them to constantly clean his hands and door handles. Mikami was also a perfect gentleman, he held every door for Light, paid for their lunch (as it would seem, he had left his wallet in his car), and kept a subtle and respectable distance between them when walking. Noon was steadily approaching and Light could tell he was forgetting something, which didn't happen often.

"Of course, a lot of English food gets a bad reputation. Some of it really is terrible, but if you know where to go, you definitely won't starve here." Mikami smiled and adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. Car horns blared in the busy streets of London as Light tried to wrap his head around walking on the left side of the street. Dark clouds were beginning to form in the west, encroaching on their sunny day. A little known fact: amongst all of Light other neurotic tendencies, he also had Astraphobia, the fear of thunder and lightning.

"I see that now, I was told that British food was awful by my—" Light stopped. This was something that offered continuous stress and annoyance. What was the current status of L and Light's relationship? They weren't quite an item, but they were _definitely _more than friends. Light sighed and took the easiest route. "—A good friend of mine. But I can see now that he was pretty wrong." Mikami just smiled and looked down, his hand brushing against Light's as they walked together. While it may have been an accident, the brunette drew his hands in his pockets. He definitely did not want this man getting the wrong idea.

"So Mikami, I—"

"You can call me Teru." The raven haired man interjected softly. Right then, Light decided that he needed to make a few things clear. Even so, the man had been so polite and nice this whole morning, Light didn't want to be rude.

"Teru, I have to be honest with you. I definitely appreciate all that you've shown and done for me but I'm here with someone, someone I…think I'm intimate with." Teru nodded understandably, not seeming the least bit put off.

"I understand, and I wasn't trying to make you feel uncomfortable at all. By the way, if you don't mind me saying, you don't sound very confident about being intimate. Is she not ready for—?"

"What? No, no, I'm homosexual." Light was surprised about how easily that phrase came out of his mouth. He as also surprised at how forthright Teru was being. It almost bordered on discourtesy. "Also, I'm not sure what we are. We're not together per say, but not…"

"Not quite friends either?" Teru supplied easily. Light nodded and smiled sadly.

"Exactly," he sighed. "I can tell that there is something between us and he invited me to come here with him while he was on business but…" Before he could speak again, his cell phone began ringing in his pocket. He checked his watch; it was noon on the dot. A pained smile spread on his face as he excused himself from Mikami's presence to take the call he had been subconsciously waiting for all day. "L?"

"Light, I've missed you today." Just hearing L's voice seemed to fill an empty void that Light didn't know existed until that moment. He sighed happily.

"I've missed you too, how's your work going?"

"Everything is fine, I've been in and out of meetings all day with my PR people and at the behest of my publisher, I'm already starting on my next installment of the Autumn Silence series which I really didn't want to do for at least another 3 months because I don't want my proverbial well to dry up too quickly and if that happens then—"

"L, please calm down! It's only been one day and you're already stressed out!" Light frowned in concern, listening as L took a few composing breaths. "Feel better?"

"Much. I-I guess being back in London is just making me a bit frazzled. All of my work is stationed here and I'm much more popular in the UK. My manager says that I have to make my first public appearance soon, I don't think I'm ready for that yet." L groaned in raw aggravation and Light felt a pang in his chest, he didn't like hearing L so frustrated.

"It's okay, L, you don't have to do anything you're not ready for. It's day one and you're going to give yourself high blood pressure and then you'll end up having a heart attack and in the hospital on the verge of death while I'm crying over your withering body and I don't know if I can handle that right now!" Light expected to hear words of encouragement, but was met with a peal of laughter from L's line. The brunette didn't like to be laughed at but he was still relieved that L could lighten up a bit.

"Don't worry, Light, I promise you I won't die from this. At any rate, how has your day been so far? Finding your way around the city? Or are you still at home?" _Home. _That word held a lot of gravity for Light. Home meant that you were in a place that you could come back to after a long day at work and be with someone who would still kiss you and hold you even when you reek of greasy food. It meant you both could walk around in your underwear all day and not be the least bit embarrassed. It was a heavy word for Light, considering he had never had a home. Although he lived with Matt for quite some time, they were more like brothers and roommates, with strict boundaries. In a home, those dividing lines didn't exist.

"No I finally left, I actually uh…" Light wasn't sure what to say next. Would it be okay to tell L about Teru Mikami? Nothing was going to come from it anyway so did it matter? Surely L wouldn't be the type to get jealous; also, Light didn't feel comfortable about keeping something like this from the other man. Even so, he decided to approach the situation carefully. "I met someone in the coffee shop a few blocks from…home. Before you say anything, it is a man and I offered to pay for his coffee when he was a little short. He's just showing me around town as a favor and that's all. Nothing else." Light looked back look at Mikami who waved back easily, he seemed to have taken a phone call as well. Light waited for L's reply for what felt like an hour.

"…Is he attractive?" L grunted. Light choked back a chuckle at the author's question. So he was the type to get jealous. The brunette smiled, trying to be serious. He took a covert peek back at Mikami who was thoroughly engrossed in his own conversation. His face was symmetrical and smooth, his glasses making him appear professional. Looking down further, Light noticed for the first time that he was wearing a suit. A tailor-made suit that accentuated his toned biceps and overall just fit him very well. Wow, he really was…

"No, he's not attractive at all," Light crossed his fingers. "I promise." L sighed in audible relief and immediately loosened up.

"Hey I have an idea, how about we stay in tonight? I'm going to be leaving around 5:30, should be home around 6. We could order Chinese take-out, rent a few movies, and then see where the night goes from there. Also, there are a few things I want to talk to you about." Light couldn't do anything but smile. Was tonight the night L would finally give him some insight of what happened between them in the past?

"That sounds great, L. I honestly just can't wait to see you, it's too bad it's only a few minutes past noon. At any rate, I'm going to be heading back to the apartment in a little while so I'll leave you on your own."

"Okay, I'll see you then…I love you, Light." _What?! _ The brunette's blood froze in terror as he floundered for a response. L had said that to him already but it was before they had left for England and Light was in a state of extreme panic so he wasn't even sure he really heard it. But now, there was no doubt, no mistakes, no time for awkward pauses. _What do I say? If I wait to long or say nothing, he'll think that I don't love him. Do I? I haven't been with him long enough to be sure. I've never loved anyone before, never felt love from anyone before, and for the first time in a while, I'm speechless! I have to say something, just say something, say something, anything! It's already been 20 seconds; he's waiting for a response, what do I do? WHAT DO I DO?_

"Yeah, I—I'll see you later then, bye!" Click. Light's was mind already moving in a thousand directions on what L's reaction could be. Did he just screw up something huge? He paled, exhaling sharply. He glanced over at Mikami who seemed to be finishing up his own phone conversation which seemed too convenient. Light slipped his phone back in his pocket and walked back over to the other man, who looked a little upset. "Is something wrong?" Light asked once Mikami was finished with his phone call. Teru smiled sadly and Light had a feeling he knew what the man would say next.

"Light, I'm very sorry but that was my office, they need me to come in suddenly, and on my day off of all days! I really hate to leave you when there's still so much more London to show." Light felt his brain sigh in unexpected relief.

"Oh, no it's completely fine, you don't need to apologize; I understand. You've repaid me ten fold, and I was thinking of heading home soon anyway." He watched Mikami's face fall slightly and realized he had made a mistake. "Not that I wanted to leave you, Teru!" he added quickly, "I'm just starting to not feel very well, I think I may be coming down with something, all this new air you know?" He coughed into his hand for show. Mikami nodded sympathetically and Light almost felt badly about lying to the man.

"I see, I can drive you back to your place if you just tell me where you live, my car is just around the corner from here."

"Sounds like a plan."

Within a few minutes, the two men were inside Teru's silver Lexus, the engine purring as they cruised down the streets. As they approached the apartment, it got quieter and quieter as cars began to generally disappear. Light tried to keep a conversation going, asking broad, open-ended questions about Mikami's job as a prosecutor. He talked earnestly and easily, going on about his own notion of justice; Light just nodded absently, staring out the window at the looming storm clouds that seemed to be getting closer by the second. Frankly, that made him nervous. As Mikami spoke, Light felt himself calm down, the gentle chatter soothing his fraying nerves. In about 15 minutes, they were pulling up to the apartment.

"Looks like we're here," Mikami said, pointing out the obvious.

"Mmhm," Light murmured, "and once again, thanks for all your help today, I really appreciate it."

"Think nothing of it; I was glad to be of assistance. By the way," the raven haired man reached into his suit pocket and fished out a small piece of cardstock, "here's my business card. If you ever need help again or if you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to give me a call or even just drop by my office. I'd love to hear from you again." _Eaughhh, there's that word again, LOVE, and I hardly even know this man! _Light grimaced inwardly._ Doesn't he think he's being a little too forward? I believe I've established that I'm involved with someone, so why is he acting like this? Still I shouldn't be rude._

"Thanks, I'll be sure to do that." There was something about the way Mikami was looking at him that suddenly made the spacious car seem incredibly cramped. Light smiled tightly and tried not to show his discomfort as he opened the passenger door, slipping out quickly. There wasn't much else to say as Light said his goodbyes and final thank you before sending the other man on his way. Once the Lexus was out of sight, Light let his head loll back, letting out a tired groan into the sky. "God what is going on with me today?" He padded up the four steps to the door and opened the door, immediately struck with a thought. He hadn't locked the door when he left that morning.

Back in Manhattan, Light never locked the door when he left, whether it was for work or anything else, because nine time out of ten, Matt was at home. He could and would beat anyone to death if they even dared to step foot in their old apartment. Yes, Light had a key; he just never bothered to use it. If Matt was the last to leave, he would lock the door and that would be that. Now that Light was alone, he knew then that he had to get into habit of locking it every time he went out.

He went inside and closed the door behind him, purposefully locking it, and stepping out of his shoes. He put them by the door and took off his coat, hanging it in the appropriate closet. _Well now what? _Light thought, _It's barely 1 in the afternoon, I've eaten and I don't want to watch television now, L won't be back until at least 5:45. Hmm. If all else fails, take a nap right? _It made sense, and with that storm rolling in, he didn't feel like being awake when it hit. Plus, he needed a few hours just to recharge after this morning. He headed to his bedroom and sat on his bed, suddenly feeling drained of all energy. Too much social interaction tended to do that to introverts.

The air conditioner kicked to life, the hum of the whirring unit right outside his window. His mind slowed to a comfortable crawl, the normal thoughts quieting as he lifted his own shirt over his head and folded it neatly at the foot of his bed. The pants followed and Light slipped between the sheets, feeling protected by the cocoon of blankets. It just invited him to fall asleep amongst the absolute comfort and warmth, and that's exactly what he did.

_BOOM! _Light's eyes snapped open at the sound of thunder cracking overhead. It was strong, powerful, and utterly frightening for the brunette who was woken in a cold sweat. His astraphobia was nothing compared to his panic attacks but that didn't mean he wasn't anxious. Light got out of bed, quickly tip-toeing to his suitcase in the closet. He dropped to his knees, unzipping and pawing through the bag for a small medicine case. After a few minutes, and a few scattered items of clothing later, his fingers brushed against the hard shell of the box he was looking for. He lifted it from the bottom of the bag and zipped it open.

Light had a prescription for Xanax, an anti-anxiety medication that had been filled about 3 years ago. The original bottle was still practically full. Even though he was a victim of many panic and over all anxiety attacks, he hated taking the medication because of the side effects. Impaired thinking and judgment, dizziness, and blurred vision were only a few of them, and they usually weren't worth the trouble. However, because Light was alone, in another country, and his heart rate was racing out of control, he decided to take one.

He cracked the top off and popped one of the horse tranquilizer-sized pills into his mouth, crushing it to powder with his teeth. The taste was absolutely _horrible, _but it was one way Light coped with the anxiety. The rancid taste distracted his from his fears, making everything else seem much less important. As the medicine seeped into tongue, he felt his nerves ebb away into serenity, and he started to actually enjoy the sound of rain pounding on the roof of the condo. It slowly dawned on him that it rained and stormed often in London, which could pose as a potential problem, but Light just didn't care.

He looked back at the clock on his nightstand, it read 5:00 pm, an hour before L said he would be home. That meant Light had an hour to change, freshen up, and look utterly adorable for L. Well, adorable wasn't exactly the word Light was going for, fuck-able was a more apt phrase. In any case, Light was fully intent on getting laid tonight. The impaired judgment was beginning to come into play as the brunette practically skipped to the bathroom, turning the shower on full steam. Since he was only wearing underwear at the time, it was a quick task to slip off the boxers and hop into the shower, wasting no time lathering up and washing his hair.

Twenty steamy minutes later, Light clambered out of the shower, clean and refreshed, wrapping a towel around his waist and one around his head. He chose his outfit for the night, his favorite pair of worn-in sweatpants and a navy v-neck. The sweatpants were missing the string in the waistband so they rested very loosely on his hips. The v-neck was formfitting, showing off every single contour of Light's perfect torso. Oh it was going to be a good night. He decided to let his hair air dry, happily changing ("accidentally" forgetting to put a new pair of underwear on) and walking out into the living room and sitting on the couch. With about thirty minutes left to kill, Light decided to turn the television on and zone out, trying not to shiver in the lofty living room. 'How I Met Your Mother' was on, one of Light's favorite shows. He was pleasantly surprised that it aired in Britain; Barney was always his favorite character….

* * *

><p>It was pouring rain when L left his limousine, lightning cracking overhead along with a peal of thunder to follow. Watari had offered to escort L inside with an umbrella, but the author declined for no particular reason. It was only 13 steps to the front door, L was positive he could brave the rain despite the fact that he hated getting wet. Even so, he tiptoed through the puddles, hopping up the stairs two at a time.<p>

It had been a very long day, being hounded by emailed and phone calls and children from the orphanage. All the while, trying to write his next book. He finally invited his manager, Touta Matsuda, to Wammy's House for the first time, who tried to contain his irritation at the fact that L, world renowned author, worked in an orphanage. The children pestered them both all day but at least L was understanding and tried to entertain them as much as possible. Matsuda on the other hand, was not good with kids, and spent most of his day in an office.

He didn't do a whole lot for L in general, other than acting as a go-between for L and the general public. He also acted as a proxy when L Lawliet was requested for private meetings with various publishers and PR representatives. Still, L always thought that Matsuda was an absolute idiot. He couldn't hold up any sort of intelligent conversation, and he never understood any of the cuttingly sarcastic remarks aimed at him which made him a viable target for L's daily frustrations. Today was no such exception. That aside, L was very relieved to finally get back home to be with Light.

He found the brunette slumped over on the couch with the TV on. Light was sleeping, is chest moving slightly with each inhale of breath. As to not disturb the younger man, L slipped his shoes off and set his bags on the kitchen counter. He retrieved a towel from the bathroom to dry his hair and hung it around his neck as he went to gently sit down beside his roommate.

"Light," L murmured, poking the boy's shoulder softly. He immediately stirred; his eyes fluttered but didn't open. He began to mumble something but L could hear clearly, so he leaned in closer.

"No, I said it was forty-five dollars for an hour, condom required…" Light sighed and his face relaxed again. L tried to remain composed. _Condom required? What the hell kind of dream is he having? Is he dreaming that he's a…a prostitute?! _

"Oh my…" L poked Light's shoulder a little more firmly, definitely worried at this point. The brunette's eyes fluttered and then opened completely this time. They were bleary, confused, and rimmed with unshed tears. L's brow puckered in concern but one blink later, the tears were gone and light's expression relaxed.

"You're back," Light yawned, "I was planning on being awake when you got here but I guess I dozed off. I'm sorry." L smiled a little.

"It's fine, I'm glad you're returning to a more normal sleeping schedule." Light knew this wasn't the truth, his anti-anxiety medication had a side effect of making him extremely drowsy. L didn't need to know what much though. He nodded in agreement then pointed to the large paper bag in the author's lap.

"So what'd you bring?" he asked easily. Instead of replying, L reached into the bag and pulled out a small white box, a Chinese take-out container.

"There is much more inside, I didn't know exactly what you preferred so I purchased a myriad of items for you to choose from. Please, help yourself, Light." He snapped his fingers and dug into the very bottom of the bag to retrieve 3 movies. "I also brought a few movies that I just picked up, I don't exactly know what they're about but upon first glance you apparently have the choice between a cheesy romantic comedy, a badly dubbed samurai movie, and a gory horror flick." Light honestly didn't care so he covered his eyes with one hand, and randomly pointed at the movie. It was the cheesy romantic comedy. Of course. L simply nodded in response but didn't object to the choice. After finally emptying the take-out bag of its contents and artfully arranging them on the coffee table (as artfully as paper boxes can be arranged of course), L decided that he would finally change and get dry before settling down. He left Light on the couch, but not before ruffling the brunette's hair as he passed by with a low chuckle. L knew that would make the younger man flustered, which was exactly the reaction he was hoping for. Light was fun to tease.

After L had changed and got settled on the couch, Light reached for a small container of lo mein and a plastic fork. Contrary to belief, just because Light was Japanese, it didn't mean he could properly use chopsticks. L had already popped the DVD in the player and clapped twice so the room went dark, only illuminated by the flat screen.

The movie itself wasn't particularly original: boy meets girl, girl likes boy, they fall in love, boy does something stupid to make the girl angry such as falling for an ex-girlfriend, and the rest is history until they get back together in the end with zero thought. All through the movie, L and Light slipped into critique mode, tearing the movie's illogical and over-emotional fallacies apart into bite-sized pieces.

"'I know in my heart'? What the hell is that supposed to mean? It's not even a valid explanation," Light muttered, crossing his arms across his chest. L chuckled.

"It pretty much means: 'I instinctively believe it and refuse to analytically think about it because I am emotionally attached to the concept and don't care if it is actually true as long as I get to believe that it is true.' Love is like poison to people like us, it has little or no room for logic and reason; it's something you're supposed to just feel. I've always had a difficult time understanding that concept." Light pursed his lips.

"That's not always the case; some people just might not have experience with love so they are unable to react in a way that may be acceptable to most individuals. If you were given the keys to a tank, would you be able to control it?" L cast a side-long glance in Light's direction.

"You can figure out anything with intuition and a little initiative." Right as the words left his mouth, he already knew Light would have a solid rebuttal.

"Then why can't you apply that mindset to the concept of love?" The brunette was sure he had backed the author into a corner and was already preparing his mental victory dance, until he heard L's reply.

"Perhaps some individuals simply aren't wired for love." L's tone wasn't irritated for clipped. Light couldn't figure out why the atmosphere had suddenly changed. _I don't know why but…he seems so lonely right now._ Light glanced over, L was crouched on the couch like he always was, thumb in his mouth as he gnawed on the skin. His covered his face so Light couldn't see the author's expression. L bit down viciously, blood spurting onto his hand and mouth. Light gasped worriedly and reached for L's hand, pulling it from his mouth.

"L, don't do that! You're hurting yourself, and getting blood on your clothes. Are you alright?" Light frowned in concern. L didn't move from his position, but allowed Light to hold his hand.

"No, I'm fine, it's…no big deal." Light was relieved for a moment but then got off of the couch in a rush, releasing L's hand. _Was it something I said? _Light thought to himself.

"Don't move, I'm going to get you a bandage," he walked quickly to his bedroom, his mind humming with worry as he grabbed his stash of emergency first-aid. Band aids were at the top of the bag naturally. He grabbed a small bandage and a tissue from his nightstand before returning to L's side. Light sat on the couch and held L's hand, extending the author's thumb. L didn't move or say anything. "Can I clean that up?" he asked tentatively. No response. Taking that as a sign to move forward, Light unwrapped the band aid and proceeded to tend to the small wound. Being unable to stand the heavy silence, Light began to absentmindedly fill it. "You know, you need to stop biting your nails. Do you have any idea how many germs are under your fingernails? If something is bothering you, you can tell me. Maybe that's something about you that may never change—"

"Light, do you love me?" L spoke directly and suddenly, his eyes boring into Light's with an unsettling intensity. The brunette was absolutely blind-sided, and he let his hands drop to his lap.

"What brought on that question?" he was trying to sidestep a mine, but L wouldn't be deterred.

"Please do not answer my question with another question. When I called you earlier today, you never responded to me when I said I loved you. To be honest it rattled me a bit, because I was unsure of your feelings toward me. Well, I'm through beating around the proverbial bush and I demand an answer." What was Light to do? _I knew this moment would come. Something like this would never have gotten past him, _Light thought to himself. _I only wish that I could have come up with an adequate response for this. _He knew his feelings for L, and he was sure that L knew too, but Light had just never said the words. He knew the implications and complications that came with love, and he knew it lead to heartbreak and disappointment. Always.

From what Light could remember, his mother hadn't always been a bitter and abusive drunk. When light was very young, she had been an ideal mother. Caring, sweet, always calling him 'honey', playful, and nurturing. And she smiled constantly. Light never thought anyone could be more perfect, he loved her so much. It wasn't until Nick came into their lives that everything went to shit.

Nick was wild. He was the kind of guy that was okay with waking up in a random woman's bed in the morning and who would be completely wasted by 9 am. He also had a mile-long criminal record at the NYPD. He was everything Light's mother wasn't—and she loved Nick for it. They would go out drinking and not come back until late the next day, leaving 4 year old Light to fend for himself for hours on end. If that wasn't enough, the fighting came next. These fights weren't heated arguments that were resolved in an evening, these were screaming matches. Bottles and chairs were thrown, there were fists and vicious rape, door slams, and sometimes the fight would make its way into Light's room. In the beginning, Light's mother did her best to keep Light safe, but after a while, she didn't care. And although the fights were terrible, the aftermath was volatile.

Light soon learned to stay in his room and keep silent for at least 24 hours after the initial fight was over. Any sooner and it wasn't safe. Most fights would end up with Nick gone and his mother home, never sober and dangerously silent. Light could clearly remember sneaking out of his room, the first peek was always the worst. His room was only a few feet behind the couch where his mother was usually passed out with an empty bottle of scotch barely clutched between her fingers. The kitchen was only about 10 feet farther. The TV would be on, but it wouldn't be on any particular channel; sometimes it would just be static. Light would take one step, holding his breath to see if his mother would stir. When she didn't, he would creep towards the kitchen as quickly and quietly as possible. Eleven steps, a dozen, a baker's dozen, almost there; there was a bag of bread on the counter he could have, even if he had to pick around the spoiled bits—

"Uunrg, Light," his mother's voice cut through the silence, immediately sharp and crude, "if I see you, you will regret it. You're the cause of all this, it's your fault. I never want to see your fucking face!" If Light had been frozen, he was sprinting back into his room. He slammed the door and locked it before she had lurched off the couch, pressing his back against the door. His heart was racing and terror gripped his mind as he heard the sound of her heavy and uneven footsteps reach his room. Light tried not to cry out as she began to beat on the door with her fists, sometimes kicking it, shaking it in its frame. She would curse and yell, her words slurred, but it would never last long.

After a few minutes, she would finally stop and trudge back to the couch with one final cutting remark, and Light could safely slump to the ground. Shaking and weak from hunger and fear, he crawled to his closet, past the clothes and into the darkest corner, pressing his back to the wall and curling his knees to his chest. One breath, two, three, then the tears. Light buried his head on his knees and sobbed as quietly as he could. His stomach in so much pain because he hadn't eaten in almost 5 days, he was bruised and battered, and his hair was coming out in clumps.

Light remembered the stories his mother used to read to him about superheroes rescuing the innocent, saving them from the wretched situations. He cried even more knowing that no one was coming to save him. No one even knew; there was nothing left for him to hope for. When Light ran out of tears to cry, he curled up on his side and did the only thing he could: sleep.

Light was finally brought back to the present, realizing that he was still with L. He still had to answer and he couldn't just curl up and sleep his problems away like he used to. After all this was real life. L was staring at Light, a firm expression on his face. His eyes suddenly narrowed and his eyebrow puckered as he came to a slow realization.

"Light, do you not love me?" L's voice was quiet and honestly, heartbroken. Light felt tears prick his eyes but he didn't cry, the recent memory of his mother still fresh in his mind.

"No, L, I do, please understand me." The words were forced but now that they were out in the open, he knew he had to keep going. "I do love you, I promise to you with my life that I do, it's just that…" _Say it, get it out now, say it. _"I don't deserve you. You've done so much for me and I have absolutely nothing to give you in return." Light's chest was heavy with the words he was about to say next, but he couldn't get his voice above a whisper. "I'll never be enough for you, L. I'm worthless."

"Stop it. Right now." L spoke sternly. "Look at me, Light." The author gripped Light's shoulders, holding him away at arm's length. The brunette's head fell onto his own chest, his bangs covering his face so that L couldn't see his face. "I said _look at me, _damn it." After a long moment, Light finally raised his head. The deadened expression on Light's face nearly broke L's heart, but the lump in his throat didn't deter him. I never want to hear you say more negative thing about yourself, Light Yagami.

I don't care about your past, or what people have said about you, or even what you say about yourself. All that matters is right now and forever, as long as I'm alive and breathing, I'll be at your side. And you know something else? No matter what anyone says, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and don't you dare forget that."

Light didn't even know how to react.

"…I had no idea," he murmured sadly. L frowned, not really at Light but at himself for not being able to understand a way to resolve the situation.

"If I'm not doing something right, Light, let me know. I'm not the easiest person to get along with, and I don't always show my emotions to the best of my ability but I promise I will work on it if that is the problem—"

"No, no, L, you're perfect," Light almost wanted to laugh at how L could be so analytical at a time like this. "It's not you, it's most definitely me. I guess a person who has never known love, can never know how to react to it for the first time." L was silent for a moment, his mind whirring at a million miles a second, trying to figure out the best choice of words to express himself, when the idea suddenly struck him. Yes, after all this, it was definitely the time now.

"Light, I know I've already messed things up, but just give me a chance." He was suddenly very serious; his eyes burning into Light's with such passion that it even shocked the author. "Let me show you love." In one swift movement, L leaned forward and captured Light's lips with his own, trying to force as much emotion and passion into one kiss as humanly possible. He needed to show Light how he felt, even if he didn't have the words to say it. L threw all inhibitions aside; every negative thought, every bit of time he spent worrying about the past or the future, and decided to only worry about here and now. Because in reality, it was all that mattered.

* * *

><p><strong>And I shall stop this chapter here. It was hard to actually find a place to stop but it was getting pretty long, but I wanted the lemon to have a chapter of its own (which it will) and I'm very excited about writing it, I hope at least one person it happy about reading it in the future!<strong>

**I promise to be a bit more accurate about my posting times (I'll try to keep them within a month of each other, I won't allow myself much longer than that if I can help it).**

**Lots of love to everyone reading this, it's really great to be back :) 3**


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